I Am Woman (Part 5)

Ok don’t panic, just an hour and a half last of health accounting class. I can do this.

Fuck me. Who was I kidding? I made the poor decision of going off of birth control. And now I am sitting in a hot, uncomfortable, graduate school night class. Excessively bleeding. Terrible cramps. Ready to vomit.


I have been on these pills for SIX years. These pills helped me be a normal woman. Regular periods, rarely vomit, manageable cramps.

Oh yea. I was thinking, I want to have a kid someday. And I don’t think it’s safe to be on birth control for this long so I might as well “practice” being off the pill.

I am an idiot. 1) I am not having a kid anytime soon. 2) The Kardashians were on birth control pills for a long time and they all had (or are going to have) babies!!!

As soon as class ends, I try to rush home. Not only do I have a 30 minute commute, I have to pick up tampons. The cold 20 degree weather outside does not help. As soon as I get home, I put my hair in a bun. I know what my next 15 minutes will be. VOMIT. Ahhh!!!! I lay on the bathroom floor.

I vow. Never to go off of these pills, unless it is time to have a child.

I get up off the floor. Thank goodness I have no class tomorrow I thought. But how am I going to deal with this pain? I look at the Advil on my counter. “No painkillers” the doctor said.

Ok well. She forgot about my monster cramps. I tell myself I’ll just have two today. And two the next day if needed. That’s it.

I take the Advil and sleep a solid 8 hours. I wake up and something feels very wrong. I lift up my sheets.

a2648563ab471221258516acae390056--hilarious-quotes-so-funnyBLOOD EVERYWHERE. I jump. My poor bed sheets. My poor Victoria’s Secret pajamas. I slept with a tampon AND pad for goodness sake what gives!

Jesus no wonder why I’m anemic.

I shower and then I go to CVS. I buy a box of overnight pads because clearly the other ones are not working. And the cashier is the same woman as the day before!! Lord, she must think I have a serious issue. But, then, the dude cashier who is overly flirtatious comes to ring me up. I give him my pads and look down. Ugh.

I come back home and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey. I drink some soup. That’s what I’ve been having for the past three days :0

I converse with some of my guy friends. I wonder if “Prince Player” or Yassin ever had girlfriends who had monster periods like me. Gasp. Why am I thinking about Yassin’s past girlfriends? Why am I putting Yassin in the same category as “Prince Player”?? It’s because he’s showing all the signs “Prince Player” showed when he was interested in me.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now because of that other guy” I told him in reference to my last partner who emotionally abused me.

“I understand” he said.

But that conversion was 6 months ago.

Gasp. It is so like fate to have Yassin move back to Boston just as I am graduating. But I don’t like Yassin in the way. He’s just a great pediatrician who loves children as much as I do.  But I like how he always checks up on me and supports my work around sexual assault.

And what about “Prince Player” jesus.

I close my eyes. I think way too much on my periods.

xoxo. S.


I Am Woman (Part 2)

Well. Last night before I went to sleep, mother nature showed up telling me I was not pregnant.


This morning I wake up to go to work. I crouch to the floor. Jesus. Christ. Mother of all pains. Thankfully work is with the other public health educators in the state today and most of them go to my school so we meet on campus. But my boss slams me with work.

In between I get a Snapchat from “Prince Player”. It has a Starbucks in it. Oh that’s right, I usually send him a picture of my Starbucks run. But in the morning I was so crampy and busy I didn’t have a chance to get one. I am tempted. I go get myself a latte (which I would regret later).

As I wait, my boss gives me another deliverable to work on. And on the day it is due, I already have 2 other major project due! Eep! And this new deliverable he is having me do is an article about tick bite virus prevention.


Being a female scientist is not a joke.

Alright but I manage. I’m tough. I’ll space my abstract and two articles due in increments over the next two weeks.

And then I get word the lead Epidemiologist at the state department wants to meet with me because she is impressed with my abstract idea. OH MY GOD. I quickly go home and change into a better dress and heels and call an Uber. It would take me forever if I go by train.

The Uber pool is $12. Great.

My cramps get intensely worse in the Uber as if I’m having labor pains and I start taking deep breaths.

“How do you know what that feels like?” Steven asks after I Snapchat him.

“BECAUSE. All the women in my family said giving birth felt like really bad menstrual pains!” I say.

And also because I am feeling like something keeps kicking me in my back, stomach, and everything else okay?

I keep breathing in and out.

f541976af9dcdccabe9207410fbbe117“Are you okay? the Uber driver asks.

I stop breathing and Snapchatting pictures of myself in crisis.

“Uh yes sorry. I just have cramps” I say.


She laughs “Oh I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t too hot from the heater.” Yea to make things worse it was 59 degrees in Boston today.

I smile and we drive over several potholes making us bounce and my cramps hurt like hell.


And then “Prince Player” sends me a Snapchat of a very delicious looking salmon and other things and it says “when ur gf turns you into a health nut” or something like that.

Great. I wish I had a boyfriend that turned me into a health nut. Or a boyfriend in general.

Finally I arrive and I am just in time. The epidemiologist is great complimenting my excellent work. I am so honored. As I’m sitting and talk with her, a HORRIBLE cramp comes over me. I smile my biggest smile and cross my legs. That made me cramp up even more. Shit. I uncross and breathe while talking. Why won’t the pain go away???

I keep breathing softly. And eventually the meeting ends. Thank goodness.

I go home.

And as soon as I take my dress and heels off, I collapse on my bed. I play some Maroon 5. My freshman year of college, when I had the worst of cramps like I had today, Adam Levine’s voice would calm me down.

When I get a text, I pause the song. Big mistake. The cramp comes back. I breathe, and quickly put the song on- but it’s too late!

I run to the bathroom and begin puking. With Adam Levine singing in the background.

I cross my heart and I hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night.

Yea. You better leave Aunt Flo.

I collapse on the floor.


My whole Starbucks latte that I had this morning  is out of my system. Note to self. Don’t drink lattes when having a period.

Adam Levine keeps playing in the background. I need to stop it. It gives me freshman year college memories. Of my love life and cramps. Ugh. I turn him off. Although I love him.

I put on other songs by him and go to sleep.

Wondering how I’m going to make it to my big meeting at the State department tomorrow.

Sigh. I am woman. And it still has not gotten easier.

P.S- When I feel better, your letters are coming! I have gotten 5 requests so far, remember to comment below if you want one! 🙂

xoxo. S.

If you’re gonna flirt with me because of my race, take a seat

mindy kalingFor those of my readers who don’t know, I come from a huge Middle Eastern and Indian family. The majority of my family is Indian so I do look more Indian than Arab. But I personally identify more with my Arab roots. And I am proud of both my exotic cultures.

Yesterday when I went shopping with my one of my best friend’s (because of our wonderful snow day), a scene way too familiar happened on the train.

“Y’all Indian?” a guy asked us this the second we got on.

I looked at my best friend, she’s Pakistani. And way more bold than me. I give her a look and we both ignore the comment talking about all of the stuff we’re going to buy. The guy looks at his one of his friend’s and laughs loudly. Whatever.

This kind of stuff happens all the time. Several times, a guy will ask me my name, and they say “Ooooooo Indian huh?” Actually it’s Arabic, so stop flirting and take a seat. Find something besides my race to flirt with me about.

I looked on the Internet for some guidance to deal with things like this. And sadly, I stumbled upon many articles called “Reasons Not to Date Indian Girls”. What. The. Crap!?

I’m gonna comment on a few.

1.) “They’re unattractive”

Get out of here. Have you ever heard of Katrina Kaif? Shraddha Kapoor? And wasn’t last year’s Miss America Indian?

Take a look at this list: http://www.buzzfeed.com/andreborges/stunningly-beautiful

2.) “They’re prudish”

Me? Prude? Don’t think so. Ask my last boyfriend. I think I was too much for him :0

Side note: In general, all girls of any race can be modest (not prude) if they want to be. It’s called morals.

3.) “They loathe their race and want to be white”

I don’t wish to be white, but I do love being American. Some areas of India, especially the one I was born into was poverty stricken. It was a hard lifestyle and I’m glad I’m living here today!

4.) “They are feminists”

I don’t identify myself as a feminist, but I admire the women who are! Yes, when young girls my cousin’s age are getting raped, it makes me sad. When my cousin has to get married at 18 and I get to go to college, it makes me sad.

5.) “They are mental”

Yup I’m mental. I admit it. But not because I’m Indian.

So if you’re flirting with me because I am Indian, or NOT flirting with me because I am Indian, take a seat.

If you don’t like Indian girls, fine. If you do, find something else to comment on. We have beautiful hair, eyes, and other assets. If we like you, then you can start commenting on our Indian beauty- that’s cute. I always called my ex-boyfriend “my sexy Arab man” and he always called me his “hot Indian princess ” 😉 But you better believe he didn’t call me that the night we met!

xoxo. S.

Gossip Hour When You Have Nothing To Say

So I have this friend,

Actually I have these girlfriends. This friend is a part of that group and she and I have made Tuesday date nights a priority because we have more in common than the other girls. She, and all my other girlfriends are the most talkative people you will ever meet.

silenceMe? I prefer writing. I HATE talking. I love silence. So, instead of looking forward to these Tuesday night dinners, I don’t.

Today, was probably the worst. She’s going on and on about her weekend hookup (who just so happens to be with a guy I know and used to look up to). And what do I say? Nothing. I’m in some other world thinking about my failed Chem test and how Heart hasn’t talked to me in almost 2 weeks despite my constantly trying to contact him. Tomorrow is supposed to be the debut of the poem I wrote about him! I don’t feel like releasing it anymore…

What do I do reader? Either things need to get better in my life or I need to improve my social skills.

xoxo. S.

Summer School Blahs: Writing in eyeliner, “taken” men, and other musings!

Happy Friday reader.

You know. My “normal” friends are out having the time of their lives, but science major me is enrolled in two electives over the summer. Easier to do them now than during the school year when I have to take all those crazy science courses :0 (help!).

Anyways, I’m taking “Dance” and “Communications: Public Speaking” at the local community college. Dance is online. It is more of a “dance history” kind of course so it involves a lot of reading and going to performances and critiquing them.

Now Public Speaking on the other hand, is a completely different story. It starts at 8:00 on Monday and Wednesday mornings. It also requires 4 speeches and 3 tests. Yes, this is what the world has come to. #help

This was my first week and let me tell you, it was…interesting. It all started out on Monday, I was one of the first ones there. I took a seat outside the classroom. There was also another student there, some boy my age. He would not take his eyes off of me!! My god that was scary, have you ever had someone that you don’t know just stare at you? Yea. It was wierd. Anyways. The other students started piling in and he started looking at them instead.

The professor finally arrived. She was totally dressed for summer in her sun dress and wedges. Very sassy. I like her.

After the initial intro, she handed out some worksheets for us to fill out. And what do you know. On the first day of school, I forgot a pen. I looked around in my bag and all I got out of it was a tampon and eyeliner. Yea, so um. I filled out the worksheets in eyeliner…What a great first impression! Lukily, I had some money and this college had a convenient store. I went there during break and bought a pen 🙂 I was happy but couldn’t believe I would forget a pen on my first day!! I guess this is karma for making fun of that guy in The “Big O”, pen stealers, new quarter, and other weekly musings! huh? Haha ❤

Fun fact: Did you know that some would rather die than speak in public?

henry fordHaha. After this quote she shared with us, I think I’ll make it 🙂

xoxo. S.