A Busy Week in Love and Politics

“And that is why I think you should take over Harris’s role as President. I will talk to Harris and see if he is willing to switch roles and be Vice President- it may be better for him” my jaw drops.

I’m on the phone with Sherry handling the logistics of our club. She discusses how all the members and everyone has noticed how I do all the work and Harris does nothing. I am in shock. It has been a busy week in being Vice President, grad school apps, a teaching conference I was invited to speak at, and school itself. And don’t forget the love drama!

As I hang up and type emails to our partners at the same time- I notice a text. I imagine it is from “Mr. Photography dude”, “Heart”, Harris or one of our partners as I was trying to do a 100 club related things at once.

But it is actually from “Prince Player” :0 My heart races. I stop typing and I ignore Harris’s incoming call.

I read his text. He says he knows we’re at a weird place, but I should listen to this song by Selena Gomez because it reminded him of the things I said and he thought I might like it. I smile to myself. I play it and it is…so beautiful. Harris calls again, but I ignore it again. I close my eyes.

“But I’ll never tell you just how I felt
You might just not care, and it might just not help
What if the feelings just don’t make no sense to you, you

I got so much shit to say
But I can’t help feeling like I’m camouflage

Those were probably the words “Prince Player” thought resonated with me the most. But it’s not.

I tell player I love it and that my brother came to see me last weekend and was talking about how he loves Selena and it made me sad because it reminded me of him.

And so he said we’ll talk in person this weekend and “sort it all out”.

I sigh. I hope we do.

But I had no time to worry about it as the big teaching organization (that I cannot mention due to privacy issues) invited me to a conference yesterday to talk about my struggles in learning and being an educator of color. I was so excited and nervous for this!

I practiced all week and yesterday was the big day. Many Asian Americans from all over the Midwest came to this conference. Lots of people wanted to meet me. When one came up to me, I thought he was a student presenter and tried to ignore him because I thought he was flirting with me. But I was mistaken :0. Because all of a sudden I hear, “….yea I’m the executive director for the entire Midwest”.

Holy shit. I immediately step up my A game and tell him how passionate I am about education. He says he’s heard a lot about me and is sad he can’t stay around long enough to see my presentation (because you know he’s the Executive Director and all) but he will give me his contact info so I can call him or personally meet him some time :0.

From that moment, I kept an open mind and that was good because a lot of people I spoke to were big people! I must have brought the right brain with me yesterday because I impressed all of them and got all of their contact information! Something that I am too shy to do at conferences!

But that was only the beginning. Soon, I had to be ready to present in front of all these people. As it gets closer and closer, I get extreme ADHD. My legs won’t stop trembling and I think about my 100 page to do list.

I call “Mr. Photography dude”.

“Just try not to think about it too much. Think about something happy! How about ‘Heart’?” he says.

I shudder. “Heart” just sent me a snapchat of the girl he was flirting with at my election win and possibly hooked up with. I also get nervous over how he will react when he finds out that I might take over his best friends position.

“Okay fine maybe not. How about the other one?” he asks.

Is he serious. “What? I thought you guys were gonna sort it all out this weekend!” he says when I ask him that.

Then I get even more nervous. Because we didn’t…

“Oh well screw it. I know what you two mean by ‘sorting it all out’ anyway” he says. I start laughing out loud. He’s so funny.

“At least I made you laugh. Look. Just speak from your heart like you always do. Stop acting like you haven’t done this before! Teaching is your passion- anybody can see it. The way you talk about it, the things your students say about you, it’s obvious. You got this” he says.

I smile. It’s true. When it’s finally my turn to present, my heart stops racing. My mind stops racing. And I indeed speak from my heart. All of my ADHD and anxiety faded away. As I was presenting, I remembered exactly why. Someone once said “Love is the best cure for all mental disorders”. My love is not a person, it is teaching. No wonder why I feel better the moment I begin talking.

When I am done presenting, many have tears in there eyes and others are smiling big. They come up to me and say “thank you for sharing your story”, “you are truly an inspiration” and the higher ups? Oh. They said, “you should consider applying to our organization!”

My favorite part was when two Pakistani girls came up to me and said my parents are awesome for naming me “Princess”. I laugh thinking of the conversation “Prince Player” and I had last week. It’s like I’m getting a sign from God every week.

But I was so proud of myself. I had been up until 4:30 the previous night working on grad school applications. I woke up at 6:00 for the conference and prayed it would be worth it. It was 🙂 When all was done and I got home at 8 after a 13 hour day, I began to study for my Microbio exam.

“I don’t even understand how you have time for ‘Prince Player’ or ‘Heart’ when you have all this shit going on anyways!” Mr. Photography dude says when I update him.

“What? Life ain’t gonna get any less busier ya know!” I say.

He laughs and says that’s true.

Then I remember what “Prince Player” said to me a few weeks ago about him being tumblr_n0yxg722Zt1sqwh2mo1_500unsure if I wanted to see him because he thought I may be tired and busy.

“I was tired and busy” I said softly.

“But you made time for me” he said smiling.

I closed my eyes and smiled.

Sigh. Busy.

Remember when we’d talk all night
But time ain’t easy on us.

xoxo. S.

A Better Week (In Love and the Weather)

Damn his hazel eyes were killing me. I watched him sleep next to me, finally I was in peace.

After crying all of last Saturday and all of Sunday, I was in for a real treat on Monday- “Heart” stopped by ❤ I was sleeping and having a dream about “Prince Player”. My phone rang and I wondered to myself who can be ruining my beauty sleep on a Monday morning?

I saw the name on my phone and was wide awake. Of course…it was the only guy who is allowed to interrupt my beauty sleep ❤ “Heart”. He said he can come see me for a bit.

I rushed to shower and do my makeup. Soon he was at my place, he pulled me into his arms immediately and asked how I was doing. I gave him a few updates on the drama going on lately. He made me laugh and eased my tension. We were exhausted and laid down for a while. As I watched him shut his eyes, there was something I had to tell him. I swallowed the tears in my throat.

“I’m back on my ADHD treatment and it makes me cry all the time”.

He pulled me into his chest without opening his eyes, “Just for no reason?”

“Yea” I whisper. He nods and let’s me hold onto him.

smileSoon he has to leave. Our time was extremely short, but just what I needed ❤ As he starts getting ready to go, I tell him about the play I was casted in and he congratulates me. Word on the street is, he’s in a play too! It’s next week, I was hoping he would invite me to it-but he didn’t. Oh well.

As he left, he grabbed my hand and told me to let him know if I needed anything (acknowledging my ADHD symptoms <3) I watched him walk away, and sat in my bedroom confused. Wasn’t this the guy that broke up with me two months ago? Oy vey. What do I keep getting myself into. 

Of course Mr. Photography dude was all over this news.

“You see! It’s a sign! God doesn’t want you to have anything to do with “Prince Player” so he interrupted your dream about him with a visit from “Heart”!” Mr. Photography dude says. I raise my eyebrows.

Is it? I mean, I did have a dream about “Heart” right before. And I do love him more than player…but I see all these girls flirting with him. I don’t know if they are friends or something else. Because all those ladies “Prince Player” flirted with, were definitely not his friends .

“Not every dude is like player you know!” Me. Photography dude says reading my mind.

True. I think. Whatever it is, this loving start to what I thought would be a stressful week made things a lot better. I was able to tackle my three papers and new job with ease. I pray that mine and his relationship stays this way and nobody tries to take him away from me.

Sometimes when I have a nice week- I get really nervous because the following week is not so great. It’s like “Prince Player” once told me, “I feel like whenever we get together usually it’s nice, but then the next time we spend together is bad. And then it’s nice. And then it’s bad”. He had a point. That explains a lot of things in my life. Haha. I hope next week is as good as this one 🙂

xoxo. S.

A very crazy week: In salespeople, internships, and boys….

I feel very bad for salespeople, that is one job I don’t think I can do. Today I have yet another interview and I woke up this morning without any motivation or energy (life without ADHD meds). So I walk on over to Dunkin Donuts, to get a quick coffee. On the way I am stopped by a group asking if I have 30 seconds. They were saying they’re inviting 15 beautiful girls to try out their services at Aveda. It’s 30 degress outside, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I decide to stop and listen. 3 minutes later, they tell me I can get a trial of all of their wonderful services for the “small price of $60”. I said no thank you. They wanted to know what was holding me back….

Uh let me tell you:

1.) Haircut thanks to coupons the college gives us is $5.99

2.) Buying Garnier Fructics Hair Dye to dye my hair every year is $8.00

3.) Getting my eyebrows done by my personal eye-brow threader Aziz in Denver every time I go home is just $7

4.) I’ve gotta get to class in 15!!! And I have an interview!!! Step aside sister.

Yea. So. I quickly said I can’t, good luck, wished her the best and ended up taking the long way back to class because I didn’t want to run into them again!

Anyways what else is new? Well every winter, I up my workout schedule more. Mercury retrograde, the weather, and lots of other things drive me nuts in the winter. I figure working out will help cool me down a little. So those of who you who are a fan of Mr. Photography dude should be very happy, he’s my running buddy and boy did we had an interesting conversation today.

The other night I stayed up until 5 working on an application due today. Yesterday morning when I woke up, I got an e-mail saying I was rejected for yet another internship. As I was getting off the train and coming back from another interview, I bump into “Prince Player”. He said he had just been talking to my roommates….eep! And then he walked away, so I said bye. And I rushed off to my running session with Mr. Photography dude.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late” I say hopping onto the treadmill next to him.

“You look upset” he says.

“I bumped into everyone’s favorite guy” I said winking.

“Player? Please tell me you were civil” he says as usual.

“He said, that he had just spoke to my roommates” I say giving him a look.

“Uh oh. Please tell me you told him ‘Oh good! I love being the center of attention!'” he says mocking our previous conversation.

I laugh, “No” I say.

“Did you ask him what they said?” he asks.

“No. Why would I do that? It’ll make me paranoid!”

He rolls his eyes, “Sad beauty. Don’t. You have bigger things to worry about.”

I sigh. “You’re right it probably had minimal to do with me.”

“Exactly.How’s the Heart situation?” he says.

dr. suess“I miss him so much. I’m weird, he’s weird. We both get each other’s weirdness. Oh, I had a dream I texted him and he responded” I say.

He laughs, “You should make your dream a reality!”

I shake my head. Too painful.

“Did your parents find a house?” he asks.

“Yes thank god, they move in Thursday” I say. Thank god indeed, I’m not exited for a new move but the lease for my old house is up and my family needs a place to stay!

“Good. At least that worked out” he says.

“I got rejected for the internship I wanted” I say sadly.

“Their loss. You’ll find something better” he says reassuring me.

“Do you think I’m high maintenance?” I ask.

“Oh yea. Big time” he says.

I smack him. “Ow! Shahz!”

“The other day. My guy friend said he doesn’t know why Prince Player and Heart would want to be with me because I am ‘high maintenance’ ”

“Shahz. Get some fucking new friends. Jeez” he says.

I laugh.

“Quite honestly, I mean high maintenance as you always look nice and know what you want. It’s a compliment. But that jerk seems like he meant it a mean way” he says.

“He did” I say pursing my lips.

“Don’t worry. He’s just jealous that you didn’t blindfold him and give him a belly dance for his birthday” he says winking.

I push stop on my tredmill. “What? Shhhh! How do you know about that?”

“Uh on your 21st birthday…when you were very drunk you said you are sad because you and ‘Heart’ can’t celebrate your guy’s birthdays together like you did last year”.

Oh lord have mercy on my soul.

I cover my face “OH MY GOD!!!!!” I say.

“Don’t be ashamed, belly dancing is a huge thing in our culture” he says winking.

I smack him again, “Shut up” I say unable to contain my laughter.

“Gotta love high maintenance girls” he says laughing.

“Peace” I say sticking my tongue out at him and ending my work out.

“I’m sure ‘Heart’ misses your performances as much as you enjoy giving them!” he yells.

Oh dear god help me during this Mercury retrograde.

xoxo. S.

Someone cut the onions today…and other weekly musings!

I have been doing so well keeping everything together.

The first week back at school has been good. My psychologist told me to take 12 credits considering my “issues”. Imagine his shock when I informed him I’m taking 18 credits…. (I like to stay busy, it takes my mind off things.) But really! I feel great. I am back from Denver, I know which learning disabilities I have, and I am enjoying my classes. I saw that bastard “Heart” on Monday and I just sucked it up. I saw all my friends this week and we were all happy to see each other. So what happened today?

ever sinceWell, I went to see my lovely therapist today and I was sharing all these AMAZING things that are happening to me right now and…I started bawling. The one person who I wanted to share all of this happy news with isn’t here for me anymore 😦

Really, who cut the onions today? Because I have been so happy lately…and out of no where…these tears! My god I was so upset that I didn’t have my love interest “Heart” to share all of this with that I contemplated texting “Sugar” or “Prince Player”!

And yes, I know I have my readers and all my lovely friends ❤ My therapist asked me today what my friends and readers have been telling me to comfort me, I told her, “They say that they are sorry that I don’t have the one person I love to share all of this joy with…but he’s an asshole.” We laughed at that 🙂

I tried practicing it with my guy friend yesterday,

“Say it with me Shaz, HE. IS. AN. ASSHOLE.” he said.

I gave it a try.”HE IS. HE IS. HE IS….. HE’S MY MAN!!!” my poor guy friend, he shook his head.

“Let’s try this again, Shaz. HE. IS. AN. ASSHOLE” he said.

“He. is. an. asshole?” I finally said.

“There ya go! You see? Now you just keep saying that to yourself! Try saying it with a bit more confidence though…” he said.

Now if you don’t mind me reader. I’m gonna go watch some Sex and the City, and repeat my “He is an asshole” mantra.

Have a lovely weekend!

xoxo. S.

Elevator musings, the Oscar’s, and oh- Happy March!

One time, “Heart” told me, that I would be his woman at the Oscar’s. Wait, wait, wait I am jumping in way to fast into the weekend. We have to start with Friday reader! (You’re gonna love this, well if you don’t…. just scroll to the bottom to read the “Heart” story.)

Remember when I told you guys that “Prince Player” and I are like in the same circles and I always have to see him whether I like it or not. Yea. This weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I had to see him. That’s a lot of “Prince Player” let me tell you.

Anyways, it all started Friday. I had spent the whole night before studying for my Chem exam and got four hours of sleep. And then when I went to take the exam, I blanked as usual. So I went to the meeting, all pissed and in need of an Advil. The whole time, I was thinking about “Heart”. I have no clue why but I was thinking 1,000 things at once and it had everything to do with him. I had to get out of that room as soon as possible, but there was no way. So I waited and I waited and finally, it was time to go.

no airI grabbed my stuff and quickly walked out. I had originally planned to talk to “Prince Player” and ask him how he was doing but… my mind was all over “Heart” and I needed to get air as soon as possible before I passed out. (Now you see why I chose “No Air” as last week’s Song of the Week)I had tears in my eyes. Halfway though, I realized I was walking the wrong way. So I turned around and saw he was on his way out. I tried turning a different way so he wouldn’t see me, but he did and it was too late. Shit. I was gonna have to have an awkward elevator convo with him.

I walked towards him and the elevator. “How are you?” he asked. I tried to speak, but no words would come out. I’m about to cry and breakdown, I thought to myself. Thankfully he answered it for me, “Good?” I smiled and nodded. And then the elevator came and I stared at him.

He stared at me as well,”I heard you have a boyfriend now.” My eyes widened. Before I could think, the words slipped out of my mouth- “He’s not my boyfriend anymore.” He asked me what his name was, I swallowed and told him. And then he repeated his name and made a funny joke. We reached the lobby and said bye. As we walked our separate ways, that tear drop finally fell down my cheek. Heart. Heart. Heart. Saying his name just made me even sadder.

And then Saturday came, I have been waiting for Saturday. Saturday was the first day of March. Spring season. My life always gets better in Spring. And then I realized, I have this long meeting on Saturday…with Prince Player. And then again on Sunday. Holy crap. I’m gonna suffocate again I thought to myself.

But then I did something. I took an Advil, I took the picture of “Heart” off my wall, and put on my Colorado girl boots. And then I told myself, “Today is the first day of March. Starting today, I’m gonna get my shit together” and got a move on.

I was talking to some of my students, when I spotted him. After being a total spaz on Friday, I decided I’d try and redeem myself. It wasn’t necessary considering he is a dick and was not the nicest person to me when I needed him last year but….I care about him, and I wanted to check up on him (aren’t I such a sweetie?)

“Hey!” I called to him. “How’s it going? Your so bubbly!” he responded. Some people would consider that nothing, but I was so happy he said that because this past month- most people would say I look sad. And I felt like it too. But not Saturday! So, I agreed with him and laughed…”Yea today’s just a lot better than yesterday!” He asked me what was wrong yesterday, I wasn’t going to get into details about me feeling like I have “no air” and the Chem test so I just shrugged and said “I was just really sad and then you dropped the H word.” He was confused, he guessed a few words, and I raised my eyebrows at him. And then he got it “OH!” he said laughing really hard (it was “Heart”). I smiled it him. “I’m sorry” he said and gave me a hug. And then I told him I’ve been meaning to ask him how he’s doing, and he responded, “I’ve been better.” AMEN. I’m glad we finally agreed on something. He said he’ll talk to me about it later (that means after one month).

And then today, all we said was hi and bye- that’s it. Anyways the point is, Prince Player and I ignored each other when we had to and said what we needed to say to each other when we had to these past three days. See, I told you I could be human with him. In between the meeting, I got a message from “Heart”.

“I need Jesus” it said. Suddenly, I needed air again. Him needing Jesus means something serious is going on. I didn’t respond since I was in the meeting. So I waited and waited to get out. And as soon as I got out, I messaged back, “Stay strong love, it’s what you do best <3”. He responded as well, “Thank you Shazzzz”.

Anyways, tonight is the Oscar’s. I am having a difficulty watching it because one day, before I went to sleep, “Heart” said- “One day I’m gonna be an actor winning an Oscar… standing right beside my beautiful Victoria’s Secret model (you).”

And you guys wonder why I miss that bastard ❤ The one month of our break up is this Tuesday, I already have the special ready to be published!

xoxo. Shaz.

Chemistry (the class and love) and other weekly musings!

Oh reader,

What a week. I studied so hard for that chem exam. I cancelled my date with the boo for it. I cut all social activities for the week. I gave up my sleep, and guess what happened today?

I saw that exam, and freaked. So many numbers and formulas staring at me-jeez. So sad.

After class, I bumped into Prince Player. I tried to start a conversation with him, and he practically ignored me. And he gave me one word answers. He seemed really tired, he must have a Friday morning class like me. He told me he was really busy (that chemistryis nothing new). It just reminded me of all the reasons why we never got along. Well then, I guess that chemistry will never work out. Not that I care anymore.

I’m so sad I didn’t get to spend time with Heart this week. Usually, when we can’t see each other- we text, snapchat, and communicate somehow. But this week, it just didn’t happen. I’d think it’s because he knew about the exam and knew I didn’t want to be bothered. But I miss him. And I want is our chemistry back.

Sigh. I hope everything gets better in chemistry (all sorts of chemistry).

Saturday Update: So…I saw Prince Player again today. Why must I be in the same organizations he’s involved in? I didn’t want to talk to him after the way he treated me yesterday. I’m guessing he got more sleep last night as he actually decided to acknowledge my presence today and engage in a conversation with me. But. I don’t know. I haven’t slept well in days, so I was the one in a tired mood today. It was nice of him to ask how I was and say “Is that a real smile?” when I faked one, looked directly in his eyes, and said “good”. No sweetie, it wasn’t a real smile. I’m tired just like you, have a ton of homework, and don’t have time for the meetings we have to go to. Oh and, I let ADHD get the best of me on my Chem exam yesterday.

And yes, I’m still waiting by the phone wishing Heart will call.

xoxo. Shaz.

A week of surprises (good and bad ones!)

Hey reader,

How was your week? Busy? Mine too 😦

You may have read my Monday musings. Little did I know, I wasn’t going to need Ben and Jerry that much 🙂

On Tuesday, I received an award for the service and leadership work I do! 🙂 And “Heart” called saying he might squeeze in time for us this week…

On Wednesday, my mom flew in from Denver to visit, but sadly- she had a lot of work to do around our old house that she couldn’t spend much time with me 😦

Yesterday, I went to my first ever college Chemistry lab. It was three hours of intense math and boredom. I called my dad to voice my frustrations, but instead was given a one hour lecture on how I should be thankful for getting an education and should study hard. He also made a statement saying that I can be really selfish at times. He made me cry. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am selfless. Big difference! I could not believe the rant he was going on… To be fair, he had just gotten home from a LONG business trip and obviously had a week 10x harder than mine. He also said he didn’t mean to sound so harsh and that we obviously had a misunderstanding.

Gee dad, for a girl that everyone says is just like her father, we don’t seem to get each other at all.

you make me happyAfter I was done crying, guess who came to visit and made me forget about everything? 🙂 HEART! Yes reader, he actually made time in his incredibly busy schedule to come and see me. Someone asked me what I liked about him. All I could say was “Everything. He completes me.” I voiced a lot of my concerns to him, and he kept pushing the hair away from my face as he kept listening and giving me advice. At one point, we just looked into each others eyes and he asked me why my eyes were filling up- I told him “Because you make me happy”.

Yes, for the first time in a long time, I was crying happy tears.

Aside from Heart, a few other people made my week a lot better….my readers! Today, I reached 300 followers!!! Also, yesterday’s poem “Love to Love You” made top 10 🙂

For my readers who are asking, “Love to Love You” was originally inspired by Sugar, but I ended up writing it for Heart 🙂

So there you have it reader, aside from the award, you and Heart were the good surprises of my week! Next week is a lot harder (I have an exam 😦 ), here’s to hoping we can tackle that one as well ❤

xoxo. S.

Flight cancellations, flying first class, and coming back to school (oh the frustration)

Goodness reader,

I am sorry I have neglected you since my 1 whole year of blogging bliss…Happy Blogiversary to me! post. Shame on me!

But, things have been very frustrating lately. I was supposed to fly back to school Saturday night, and guess what? My flight was cancelled. As many other peoples flights were also cancelled because of weather.

But the thing was, I had to get my butt back to school! So, I was very dissapointed to see that the best United Airlines can do was book to a Monday night flight! Tweeting about how frustrated I was about missing the first day of classes, a writer for my college newspaper interviewed me and other students in the same situation. This article and many other complaints…caused us to have a snow day yesterday! 🙂 It was nice, except the writer totally misquoted me a lot. He said I would only be missing one class, um no I woulda missed 2 important classes had there not been a snow day (at schools that follow the tri-mester chedule that is the norm- 2 classes per day). I hope people don’t read it and think I’m a lazy bum.

Anyways, my flight got delayed again pushing me to fly in finally today afternoon! The good news? I got upgraded to First Class 🙂 I feel very blessed to have a family that makes me travel a lot with them, our frequent flyer miles come in good use! I got off the flight feeling very nauseated though. A lot of turbulence and sitting in the front made me sick to my stomach. I swear I sat with my head in between my legs the whole time.

I was so happy when I got off the stupid flight. Hey, I’m just lucky I made it. My driver who drove me to school was rather flirtatious, he said “I saw you on TV last night. You were that beautiful model on the red carpet!” Okayyyyyyyyyyy. Creep.

And then, finally I made it back to school. I got slammed with a lot of homework and make up work since I missed my classes. I have tons of things to unpack and set up. I am already homesick and miss my family. I need groceries. “Heart” hasn’t talked to me in days… we agreed we’d hang out as soon as I get back. Oh, and I have Chemistry on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Do you see the frustration?

Wish me luck!

xoxo. Shaz.

Summer School Blahs: Writing in eyeliner, “taken” men, and other musings!

Happy Friday reader.

You know. My “normal” friends are out having the time of their lives, but science major me is enrolled in two electives over the summer. Easier to do them now than during the school year when I have to take all those crazy science courses :0 (help!).

Anyways, I’m taking “Dance” and “Communications: Public Speaking” at the local community college. Dance is online. It is more of a “dance history” kind of course so it involves a lot of reading and going to performances and critiquing them.

Now Public Speaking on the other hand, is a completely different story. It starts at 8:00 on Monday and Wednesday mornings. It also requires 4 speeches and 3 tests. Yes, this is what the world has come to. #help

This was my first week and let me tell you, it was…interesting. It all started out on Monday, I was one of the first ones there. I took a seat outside the classroom. There was also another student there, some boy my age. He would not take his eyes off of me!! My god that was scary, have you ever had someone that you don’t know just stare at you? Yea. It was wierd. Anyways. The other students started piling in and he started looking at them instead.

The professor finally arrived. She was totally dressed for summer in her sun dress and wedges. Very sassy. I like her.

After the initial intro, she handed out some worksheets for us to fill out. And what do you know. On the first day of school, I forgot a pen. I looked around in my bag and all I got out of it was a tampon and eyeliner. Yea, so um. I filled out the worksheets in eyeliner…What a great first impression! Lukily, I had some money and this college had a convenient store. I went there during break and bought a pen 🙂 I was happy but couldn’t believe I would forget a pen on my first day!! I guess this is karma for making fun of that guy in The “Big O”, pen stealers, new quarter, and other weekly musings! huh? Haha ❤

Fun fact: Did you know that some would rather die than speak in public?

henry fordHaha. After this quote she shared with us, I think I’ll make it 🙂

xoxo. S.

Mother’s Day, tough stuff, and other weekly musings….

mother's dayPhew. Finally reader, this week is over.

If you read my posts at the beginning of the week, you know that my week started out on a tough note 😦 As I was about to return to school from being home over the weekend, I had a family emergency 😦 I wanted to get back to school because there was an end of the year celebration for an organization I’m a part of. Prince Player is in it too. As things had settled down, I went and showed my face at the celebration.

It sucked. Half of my friends weren’t even there and Prince Player wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Yes he said hi and yes he asked how I was. As usual, I had no idea what to say. He asked me if I was sad, I said yes. He said “Awww I’m sorry, is there anyway I can make you feel better?”. I tossed my hair, and said “Yea…..no not really. Not anymore.” I honestly could care less. I could only think about my family, my health, and my struggling education. At a time when I needed him the most, he completely bailed as my best friend. And it makes me furious 😦 The celebration ended soon, he left without saying goodbye.

The celebration was pointless. I wish I would have stayed an extra day with my family. I did call them that night though, and everything seemed to be fine. But still, I was emotionally upset all week. And unlike these past few months, people actually noticed my fake smile.  Even my barista, who calls me “Smiley” everyday asked me, “How are you really doing Sweetheart?” I smiled and said “Good!” but she said, “You’ll make it through this week, honey. You will.” My friends noticed as well, they asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I always said “no”, and just plugged in my headphones. I just wanted to tune out the entire world.

I talked to my brother though. He graduates from college this weekend 🙂 He is the first one in my family to do so! Because of his finals, I didn’t want to tell him what’s been going on. But as he is my family, and I couldn’t open my mouth to speak to anyone else, I told him everything. He is truly amazing. I called him at the most random times this week, and woke him up several times.  He always answered and listened to me vent and cry my heart out. Also, he did great on his finals 🙂 I am so impressed by his “big brother-ness” and maturity through all of this.  I’ll be cheering for him Sunday ❤

I can’t wait to get out of here today and come back to town Monday morning ❤ It’s going to be a looooong exciting weekend with dressing up, glamorous celebration parties, and family! 🙂 I’ve been waiting for this weekend for so long and know my life will get better after this. If he can make it, so can I 🙂

And of course, a big thank you to all the Mommies out there. Whether you are a single dad having to play mom or a mom that has to do everything, you guys are awesome and are truly a gift from God ❤ I wish all of you a very Happy Mother’s Day!! 🙂 Now, I have to go with my Mama to the spa to get our manicures and facials 😉

xoxo. S.