Broken

in response to Daily Prompt 

I never thought I’d be broken again after that whole thing with “Prince Player”. And then after “H”. And then after “Scientist”. When things ended with my fiancee, I thought you’ve got to be kidding me.

Because, who. Gets. This. Broken?

It was hard losing both a fiancee and a job and coming back home.

The stares at holiday parties.

The nosy questions from relatives and neighbors. 

The endless job applications with multiple rounds of interviews only for rejections. 

Why? Who did I piss off? To be given this much pain?

“It will only make you stronger” they say.f95ba420213742298c05b87bffe3506a

I WAS ALREADY STRONG!! I want to shout.

“Time heals all wounds” they say.

No it doesn’t. It may seal my wound gradually, but that wound will always still be there I want to say.

“You’re still applying for jobs?” they ask.

How dare you I want to say.

But I don’t. Because of the others. The others who say:

“I’m praying for you”

“I believe in you”

“You are a strong person, but this is too much for one person to handle. And I am so sorry this happened to you”

“I am here if you need advice. Or just listen”

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to feel. Because only you know how bad it it is. And how bad it makes you feel”

“You are about to become something amazing. And I can’t wait to see”

You guys. Are my rocks. And because of you, I rise. And feel a little less broken every day.

-S.

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A Letter to Me, On the Eve of My 25th Birthday

Dear Shaz,

I hope you know none of what happened to you this year was your fault, and everyone is proud of you for pushing through despite everything that happened.

It wasn’t your fault your parents tried to arrange your marriage right after you graduated. It’s not really their fault either, almost all of your friends from your faith community got their marriage arranged right after or right before they graduated and all of them are living happy lives. Your parents only wanted what was best for you- and instead all of you got manipulated and it is nobody’s fault except your ex’s. Sorry love. Something better will come.

It wasn’t your fault your fiance changed his mind about you and kept it to himself, and eventually you had to call everything off when he started treating you so poorly to the point you couldn’t stand it because he didn’t have the guts to end the relationship. 

It wasn’t your fault your fiance demanded you to move across the country for him and within only months of living in your new hometown, you got laid off from your job and you had to return home. Companies have to do lay offs all the time, and a lot of times it is the first people who get hired that has to go. 

It wasn’t your fault you donated the gifts your fiance gave you. You don’t need gifts from anybody that disrespected you. 

It wasn’t your fault you got rejected to so many jobs and it took a while to get your first job, and is now taking just as long to get your new job. It isn’t always easy to land a job, even with your qualifications.

It wasn’t your fault you had to cancel your car lease and rental lease in California when you had to move back home. What else is one supposed to do when they lose their first job?

It wasn’t your fault you stopped writing and taking calls from relatives because you couldn’t put into words what you experienced in the last 7 months of your life. 

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It. Just. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.

So here’s to you Shaz!

Despite everything that happened, you totally nailed so many things in your life! You graduated with your Masters degree from a top 10 school, you worked temporarily for a top company in a high level role, you made an Instagram and got 100 followers overnight, and most importantly- you ended a toxic relationship because you knew you were worth so much more.

Just wait. 25 will be a great year for you ❤ You will see why everything happened the way it did 🙂

Love, 

Shaz