Oh my gosh I won’t make it through this letter without crying. Today, we are writing to my longest best friend- Steven! He is also my longest reader as he was one of the first few people I told.
If you are just joining us please read A Letter to You!
Hi. It’s Shaz. Your friend since high school. I know what you and my readers are probably thinking. Whatttt. Shaz hasn’t had any friends longer than high school? And well…yea. You and I both know that growing up, I moved around a lot. I lived in 3 countries, 5 states, and over 10 cities. And every time I tried to keep in touch with my friends, it just never worked out 😦 Except with you 🙂 And most of my friends from college 🙂
You’ve just always been there for me Steven. I remember we first met in AP Economics class. Ugh FML. I got a C in that class and obvs you did well because you’re working for Deloitte now 🙂 Anyways, I was so afraid to talk to you cuz you were so smart and I was…well I was smart too but I did not do well in that class! But thankfully, we had mutual friends and we became friends that way. And how much fun that would be! You, Evan, and Ben and I would hit Panera and Einstein Brother’s during lunch. And those two would sit in the front of the car while we sat in the back during those lunch break trips and one time “Starships” by Nicki Minaj came on and I STILL REMEMBER you singing “we’re higher than a motherfucker” and I died because you are a nice boy and you don’t say bad words like that.
And then it was time to graduate and we were all going to each other’s graduation parties. We all went our separate ways. Ben went to Israel. You went to Minnesota. And Evan and I stayed in Chicago. Evan and I had continued to be friends, but, he always judged me. And I couldn’t stand it. Friends don’t do that to each other. Which is why I always liked you Steven. You always say I’m “one of the sweetest people” you know despite my numerous flaws. And one time, my freshman year of college, when I was feeling really really really down, I told you I wanted to be like Kim Kardashian. Because she is just so gorgeous and seems to have everything together. And you said, “Why Shaz? You are way prettier and way smarter than her” and I cried. I still remember the day I was in a bad mood, in like March of 2013 (the lowest point in my life) and you tweeted at me “OH NOES! Well, by the way, you are one sexy woman! #sexierthanKimK”
And then another time. This is probably my favorite thing you ever said. That year I started my blog, 2012-2013, people thought I was wierd but my blog was super popular and I said to you “Watch Steven. I’m gonna be a famous writer one day and you’re gonna say, that crazy woman was my best friend” and I thought you would just agree with it but you said…”IS SHAZ. IS. I would say that crazy woman IS my best friend”. And you made me cry again.
My biotch of a roommate that year told me I need more female friends. And I was like girl, Steven and I are good k? Don’t be jealous of my guy bff. I’ve got loads of female friends but my bff will always be Steven.
Seriously. I always say, if I had to be stuck in an elevator with someone, I’d choose you Steven. You would make me laugh and sing with me as we develop a strategy to get out.
One time my mother said we should get married. And it was really awkward because you know I love you as a friend lmao. And I don’t mean that in a friendzoning way! It is just what it is. If you were in love with me, you’d be so annoyed Steven lol. Anyways, speaking of moms.
I was sad to learn your mom had cancer. I wondered why bad things happen to good people. Your family was the nicest family I knew.
And I was sad when your mom passed away. I wanted nothing but to be in Illinois with you. I went to Hallmark to buy you a card and some other things. But I realized nothing I send can take your pain away. So I grabbed the card and walked to the post office to send it to you.
On my way back home I closed my eyes. I had texted you “I wish I was there”. And you said, “I know Shaz. But you’re not here”. And it made me sad.
I miss you and all my friends, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come back to Chicago. Chicago is where a person physically and emotionally hurt me, something I would have to remember for life. Chicago is where my family got separated multiple times. Chicago is where I developed PTSD. Everything changed once I moved to Boston, for the better. Things are still hard here, but not as much as it was in Chicago.
The challenges I faced in Chicago is nothing compared to what you had to endure, but, for now, I won’t be coming back. And I love that you understand this and YOU are coming to visit me in Boston this fall. You are my first guy bestie to come visit me. I always thought it would be “Prince Player” but a) he was more than a friend and b) it never happened. So, as Beyonce said, “BABY IT’S YOU!!!” I can’t tell you how I excited I am for you to visit. I’m going to take you to see Harvard, we’re gonna hit up a museum, and I’m gonna take you to a really trashy movie because I know you much you hate those ;).
I end my letter by saying thank you Steven. Thanks for always supporting me. Thanks for always believing in me. Thanks for watching EVERY SINGLE one of my Snapchat stories (even when I post 40 of them). Thanks for continuing to read this blog which none of our friends read anymore. Thanks for just being you. Friends now and friends forever ❤
P.S- I can never take you seriously anymore because of the Laura Clery videos. You know what I’m talking about, if my readers don’t- Youtube it 🙂