On Moving Forward

“You are a very beautiful lady, tell your husband he married up!” a gym member coming in tells me as I exit the gym.

Why thank you sir. I would have told my fiancee if we hadn’t broken up. And he probably would have mocked me if he heard that, because that’s just the way he was.

This was a rather strenuous week. Not one day did I miss my ex or regret leaving him. I don’t know if I should contribute it to mine and Scientist’s flirtatious texts over the weekend. My returning to the gym and getting back at it with my work out routine. Or everyone’s praying for me to get better.

Whatever it is, something happened this week. It started out over the weekend when I shared a joke with Scientist. He replied laughing and telling me he missed me. I blush and admit I miss him too. I think we are done with our conversation when he all of a sudden says…“I still think about how you looked that day”.

I nearly drop my phone out of my hands. He is talking about our little date in San Francisco, when I last saw him. How sweet. And so, we begin communicating again and I am happy.

Mid-week I go see my doctor for the usual blood test/check up. I’m not in a good mood because I hate needles, and as soon as I walk out the door- I get a call from who would have been my sister in law.

img_3133She is again calling, to see if I plan on going back to my ex. “You know. This isn’t nice. This relationship already caused a lot of sadness for me and my family, why should it continue? Please, I’m moving forward” I say in the most kindest tone possible but it comes out extremely emotional and I know she can practically hear the tears fall down my face.

“Ok Shaz, sorry. If you’re sad, feel free to hang up” she says. I roll my eyes and hang up.

I start my car and sigh. Later when I go get groceries with my mom, “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line comes on. It came out in the summer when I was seeing my ex and it was my favorite song. As soon as I broke up with him however, it became the worst song on the planet. So when it came on in the car a few days ago, my mom looks at me and switches it off.

“No…it’s fine. It doesn’t mean anything to me anymore” I say.

My mom smiles a big smile. “Oh thank god! It’s a really good song!” she says.

I laugh. Yea it is. “I’m really proud of you” she says when the song ends.

I smile. I am proud of me too.

As my friend Sam said,“Just think. A year from now, what happened to you over the past few months will just be *something that happened a year ago*. And 10 years from now, it will just be *something that happened 10 years ago.* And none of it will really hurt anymore, at least not as much as it hurts right now”.  He’s right.

And as a dear reader our good friend Bryan from A Crack in the Pavement commented on one of my posts in response to the Dolly Parton quote “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain”, “But if you love storms you are my kind of person. They full of magic and surprises, a mystery around every curve. That’s my kind of rainbow.” How could I not have seen this before? Storms are really exciting. You never know what to expect and what usually follows it is extremely beautiful and calming.

xoxo. S.


One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California (Part 2)

continued from One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California

So I continued working my really busy job, and spoke to Scientist either early morning before I went to work or over the weekend. It was so romantic. I so badly wanted him to visit. As luck would have it, he had to come by for a business trip just a few days before I moved out of San Francisco! I was so excited. The reason why things didn’t work out between us in Boston was 50% me and 50% him. 50% me because when we first began seeing each other, I felt overwhelmed by him. He was so kind and I just couldn’t believe it after being mistreated by so many guys. By the time I realized he was not “too much” for me and actually “perfect” for me, he was too busy.

Which is why we were both excited to make things right in San Francisco. The day before we met up, I was in a rush. I had to work on a pre-assignment for a job interview I had and I had to pack, but when the next morning came and I was sleep deprived- I just didn’t care. I put on my favorite California dress and my Issac Mizrahi perfume that I know Scientist loves. I hopped on a train and took it to the city. And hour and a half later, I get out at the train station. I look at all the signs and directions on my phone trying to figure out where I am and how to get to Scientist’s place.


What the heck. Who would know me in San Francisco? I turn around.

IT’S SCIENTIST!!! *I want to imagine I throw myself on him* but what happened was more like I quickly put my arms around him and whispered in his ear, “Oh my god…*Scientist*”.

And he puts his arms around me too and gives me a big kiss on my cheek just the way I love it.

“What are you doing? Were you on the same train as me?? I thought you would Uber out here!” I say laughing.

Scientist rolls his luggage “I’m watching out for the environment” he says smiling. I laugh. He is so cute.

“Have you eaten?” he asks as we try to find the place he is staying at.

“Umm no…but I’m not really hungry” I say on account of just being with Scientist makes me feel full.

“Well I’m starving!” Scientist says. We laugh and drop off Scientist’s things. He takes my hand in his and we walk around for a bit and he finds a beautiful restaurant. We order drinks and catch up for a bit.

“So how exactly did your parents find this guy?” Scientist asks.

“Well you know, when I was younger I lived in this ethnic community in Chicago. These communities are populated in different parts of the U.S and each of them has this organizer right. Well the organizer in Chicago knew the organizer in San Francisco. She has been trying to find a girl for this guy for years because his family is sad he’s single and his brother in law fixed her up with a job so she thinks she owes it to them. Well, she originally called the organizer in Chicago to check if this other girl in the community would be a good fit for the boy…and that is where I came in. Because the organizer in Chicago said, *No. That girl is nothing but trouble. Very disrespectful and definitely not a good match for that boy. But hey, I know this other girl Shaz. I’ve known Shaz since she was little. She was known as a writer in our community and is so good to everyone and just got her Master’s blab blah blah* and thus- the rest is history” I tell him.

“Right” he says. I sigh. “And then you guys just didn’t work out huh?” he asks.

“Well. You know, he called me stupid. And I just wasn’t going to stand for that behavior” I say.

He shakes his head and it’s time for us to order food. He orders a delicious fish sandwich and chips. My ex-fiance didn’t like fish, I like that Scientist does. Fish and chips is probably one of my favorite foods on this planet. I order a truffle mac and cheese.

“I thought you weren’t hungry” Scientist teases smiling at me.

Ok well he made me hungry! We talk some more, we laugh some more, and we eat when our food arrives.

When we’re done eating I get my purse to pay. “What are you doing?”Scientist asks taking out his credit card.

“I am getting my credit card!” I say. “No” he says. “I rarely come up to San Francisco. It’s on me” he says putting his credit card down. Now I kiss his cheek.

After paying, we have a nice walk back to his place. I am so happy with him.

When we reach his place he looks at me. He holds my face and kisses me. I kiss back and turn away. He grabs me and I am suddenly on his lap, but facing away from him.

“So. What happened in Boston?” I say smiling at him. He smiles lightly, I can see he is under some lovespell I didn’t mean to put on him!

But he answers. “Oh Shaz. Listen, I was traveling around that time. And I ended up texting you after you left because I felt so bad. I was like I never told Shaz bye”.

Aw. I like that Scientist actually felt bad and thought of me. I go back to him.

“And now we’re here. So let’s pick up where we left off” I say turning back towards him. “I like this dress” he says smiling. Aw, that makes me feel good.

“Me too. It’s very California-y” I say. “It is very California!-y” he confirms. He touches my hair “I like your new highlights” he says. Again I melt. “I notice these things” he says smiling.

I smile even bigger. “I know you do, it’s one of the many things I love about you” I say.

And it’s true. My ex-fiance never complimented my dresses or my new hair. But Scientist did. And that’s why he just felt right for me.

He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck. And I’m happy, that at least one good thing happened in San Francisco.

When it’s time for me to go, I look at him. “So..what now?” I ask.

He sighs. “Well. Let’s figure out where we will both be working next” he says.

I nod. “Usually I’m very clingy. But there are so many things that are uncertain now so, I think that’s a good idea” I say.

We agree and I return home to pack.

We did continue to talk, but not in the same romantic way we were talking before. Gosh, I kind of hope Scientist didn’t find someone new. I mean it’s ok if he did, but he was just right for me. Giving me one good thing to remember about San Francisco 🙂

xoxo. S.

One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California

Ok, so for those of you readers who wanted a funny/normal Shaz/happy story, here you go! I never did update you guys on what happened with the “Scientist”. The new guy I met a few days after Prince Player left me.

For those of you who remember please skip to the next post. For those of you just joining us, I am so sorry! Here is what you missed: I had a college lover we like to call “Prince Player”. Half of this blog used to be about him. When I graduated college, I decided to go to graduate school- in a different state. So we began seeing other people. But we always did like each other in a way, so when we were both single a few months before graduate school ended- I visited him in Chicago where we went to college, and he visited me once in Boston where I was going to graduate school. Long story short, when he visited me in Boston, it was clear he didn’t have the same feelings I did and it was time for me to meet someone new. A few days later was when I met “Scientist”. Scientist made me happy. He was classy, smart, and loved my sense of humor. Oh and he runs a blog too! Anyways, both Scientist and I got super busy towards graduation time and we ended up…losing touch. Scientist stayed in Boston, and I moved back to Texas to live with my family because I didn’t have a job yet.  And obviously, when I moved back to Texas is when my parents tried to arrange my marriage. The day before I met my future ex-fiance is the day Scientist decided to text me and apologize for not getting together before I left. Oh my lord. I quickly said it’s fine and put my focus on my ex-fiance, it didn’t seem like Scientist was really trying to re-enter my life anyway.

Except we did keep talking occasionally. And Scientist suggested he could visit… And by then, my ex-fiance and I were in a very committed relationship. I told Scientist. Scientist was very mature and wished us the best. I continued my romance with my then fiance and moved out to this hometown. And obviously that is when things fell apart. A few days later when Scientist commented on one of my social media platforms- I updated him on my new single status.

“Oh no baby, what happened?” he messaged back.

And that is where it all began again!

DON’T MISS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California (Part 2)

xoxo. S.