A Taylor Swift Song For Each of My Lovers…

It’s been exactly one week since I came home. I don’t miss anyone. Well I do, I miss the men in my life. I don’t know why I keep checking my phone every few minutes- I know he won’t text me. Taylor Swift has been helping me grieve. Here are a few of my favorites.

#4- Love Story For “Sugar”

It’s self explanatory. I really wanted to choose this song for “Heart”. But, most of it was more applicable to “Sugar”.

Runner Up: Back to December

#3- Teardrops on My Guitar for “C”

Clearly, I don’t feel this way about him anymore. But back when I used to like him, I would always see him with that girlfriend of his and I would cry. She had everything “I have to live without”.

#2- You Belong With Me for “Prince Player”

I wanted to devote so many Taylor Swift songs to this one haha. But. I thought back to the way I felt about him before “Heart” and I started dating and the lyrics to this one seemed so applicable. I was a normal girl but I understood him so well and I have always been there for him as Taylor sings in the song. And I always thought to myself “you belong with me”. I always waited for that moment where I walk out in a beautiful white dress like Taylor Swift did at 3:06….but it never happened lol.

#1- Ours for “Heart”

Again, I wanted to dedicate so many songs to him. At first, I considered “Mine” because he literally is the best thing that has ever been mine. Then I considered “Red”. Every single word is our relationship. “Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street. Touching him was like realizing everything you ever wanted was right there in front of you.” And also in the words of Taylor, forgetting him is like trying to know somebody I never met :(

But looking at our entire relationship, “Ours” is the best. A lot of people judged our relationship, like Taylor sings “Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves. They’ll judge it like they know about me and you. And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do.The jury’s out, but my choice is you”.He always made me feel so safe, I would always sing one line to him- “Your hands are rough, but they are where mine belong.” Sigh. I miss those hands already.

Runner Up: Red

xoxo. S.

Am I Wrong?

We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?

It will have to be “Am I Wrong” by Nico and Vinz. It recaps my past year.

This whole year, I’ve been having to defend myself. Everytime I said something, everyone wanted to know why. Whether it was the decision to change my major, quit my job, my ADHD, my like for “Prince Player”, my love for “Heart”, not posting the Facebook status everyone else was posting- I had to tell myself that I am not wrong. I am not wrong for having a vision, I am not wrong for thinking “Heart” and I can be something real, and I am not wrong for not doing what everybody else is doing. This road is mine, I’ll fall but I’ll grow.

That’s just how I feel <3

xoxo. S.

Inspired by: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/musical-marker/

One Week From Today…

One week from today will be a special day for me.

It marks the one year of me throwing away my meds and moving on with my life. It marks my recovery.

In this one year without meds, things have been tough. I will explain this in next week’s post. But for now, I listen to this song. As many of you may have guessed, “Heart” won’t be coming to visit me today, and he definitely won’t be there to celebrate my recovery with me next week. We’re through.

But still. I have many other supporters and I am proud of myself for pushing through this past year. I present this song by Pink as the song of the week. Each line has spoken to me every day of my recovery.



Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’
It didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I’m still aroundPretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to meYou’re so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same
(Oh oh)

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah! Oh!)
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
(You’re perfect, you’re perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me.

Song of the Week: “Slow Me Down” by Sara Evans

I can’t do this “Heart” thing anymore. Something feels really off, and I don’t have a good feeling about this. But of course, if I see him again- I’ll totally forget all of these feelings and fall for him again. As of now however, I’m going nuts- he better slow me down.

I don’t want to leave you heart :(

“If all that’s left to do is walk away
Then baby I’m as gone as yesterday
But if there’s something you still need to say
You need to say it now, hurry up and slow me down
Slow me down”

But I don’t want you to leave me either :(

“If you let this train roll down these tracks
Gonna wish you tried to talk me back
Boy, you’re gonna miss everything we had
If you let this train roll down these tracks”

25 Songs, 25 Days- A Song That Reminds Me Of My Childhood

Day 1- Song: There’s Gotta Be More To Life by Stacie Orrico

This song came out when I was 10 years old. It only started hitting me in my teen and college years when I was really feeling the lyrics of the song.

So today, when I found this list online called “25 songs, 25 days” and I saw this topic…I immediately thought of this song and put myself in the shoes I was in the very first time I heard it.

It was the day my grandpa passed away. My family and I were stuck in Paris on a layover to India where my grandpa was in the hospital. As my parents talked about arrangements, my brother and I watched TV and there was Stacie’s music video premiere for this song.

Needless to say, this song was the hit song of the summer. As I mourned my grandpa’s death, this song was playing all the time.

And later as I grew up, and I felt overwhelmed as my family kept moving to our different homes, I would put on this song.

Today, this song has even deeper meaning to me as I’m even more older and I can totally feel what Stacie was feeling. Word on the street is- she just released a new album! I have to go listen to it :)

xoxo. S.

Song of the Week: “Magic” by Coldplay

Exactly one week ago, as he broke up with me for the second time,”Heart” asked me how I could like him so much after so little time together and why I kept waiting for him. I was shocked. After all we’ve been through, he still doesn’t know. I could think of 1,000 reasons on the spot.

That night, this song came on. It’s from Coldplay’s new album. Coldplay was the first concert I went to, “Heart” and I bonded over our love for them. And it couldn’t describe the answer to “Heart’s” question better. So here’s to you “Heart”, why did I like you so much and why did I keep holding onto you?

“Call it magic….I call it magic when I’m with you. And I just got broken. Broken in two.”

“Still I call it magic, when I’m next to you. And I don’t, no I don’t, no I don’t, no I’ don’t want anybody else but you.”