Maybe, my internship isn’t so bad…

dreaming“I had a dream about you last night”.

It’s been a while since “Prince Player” and I talked. I think I briefly chatted with him before I left for my internship. And the first few days of my internship when I was struggling. But we haven’t talked like “Heart” and I have talked. “Heart” and I had long conversations on Skype these past few weeks. In fact, this Summer, “Heart” contacted me before “Prince Player”. It surprised me because 1) he’s a douchebag (although the accusation of him being with other girls has not been confirmed) 2) he said he wanted to “work on getting over each other” this Summer 3) Player contacted me way before he did last Summer

Oh well, every Summer isn’t the same. Speaking of which, things are getting a teensy bit better here at my internship. A little. Not a lot. It’s still very stressful. I work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. My co-workers are hard to work with, my students are hard to work with, nothing is easy around here.

This past week has been hard. “Heart” stopped talking to me last week. It’s okay because I have been exhausted teaching class every day. I was appointed as the event planner and this week was the annual talent show :0 Every day was a non-stop debate with co-workers and students preparing for the day. But at last. Tonight was the talent show, and I think it went well. Of course, I heard criticism from students and a few co-workers. And then, when I got back to my dorm- my supervisor didn’t even compliment me on this huge event I organized! But I erased it out of my head. I planned an event, and in my mind it went well- I didn’t need anyone’s affirmation.

After I walked by each students room and did “lights out”, I bumped into a student.

“Hey Shahz, are you going on the Farmer’s Market field trip tomorrow?” Every weekend, the students and their RA’s go on a field trip. There a variety of options. This weekend, I was chosen to chaperone the “Minions” movie outing so I would not be going to Farmer’s Market. I tell him the news.

“Oh. That’s too bad. Do you have any favorite fruits or vegetables I can bring back for you?”

What?  People do like me around here ❤ I had tears in my eyes. This is why I love my job. Although we can’t really accept stuff from students, once a week a student will ask me something like this. But for this student to ask me after an extremely hard week- I know people don’t hate me and I must be doing something right 🙂

I say goodnight to him and shut my door. I smile to myself.

I check my phone and raise my eyebrows. It’s a snapchat from “Prince Player”. I had snapchatted him earlier, but I thought he would ignore me like he always does. I open it.

“I had a dream about you last night”.

Well good. I’m glad I’m not the only one having dreams.

My eyes are closing, but I want to know the context of this dream. I type back and ask him if it was a good dream.

As I’m falling asleep, my phone lights up.

“Of course”.

I smile. I wish “Prince Player” would talk to me more often. I wish “Heart” would talk to me instead of those other girls. I wish I got more days off to see my family and help them with their move. But…I kind of like it here. Just a little!

xoxo. S.

If the Men In My Life Were Gilmore Girls Characters…

Tristan“Sugar” would be Tristan: Tristan is kind of an ass, and loved by every female- except Rory. And although he is so flirtatious, the only girl he has “a thing” for is Rory. Sounds exactly like “Sugar” and me.


“C” would be Logan: “C” comes from a wealthy family and is very afraid of commitment. Logan was the same way.

Christopher“Prince Player” would be Christopher: This was a hard one! “Prince Player” is really one of a kind because I just could not find a character in the show that resembles him. But I thought and I thought and I thought about how “Prince Player” and I had a good connection, left me at my worst, and is now there for me and understands me when I need him the most. And in the show, the character who does that is Christopher. Christopher and Lorelai have that on and off relationship after she gets pregnant with Rory and he leaves her. But he comes back years later and gets Lorelai’s quirkiness the way others don’t. She relies on him when she’s at her worst and they have their little inside jokes. That is very me and “Prince Player”.

jess and rory 1“Heart” would be Jess: Oh yes. I saved the best for last. Calm down ladies…really who did not fall in love with Jess watching Gilmore Girls? Jess was the troubled bad boy that worked in his uncle Luke’s diner. He knows Rory better than anyone else. After falling for “Heart”, I would always think about how he resembled Jess. He’s very handsome, hard working, “bad”, and passionate about me the way Jess was to Rory. All the reviews about him say that he was the only ex-boyfriend of Rory’s that she stayed on good terms with. I hope if “Heart” and I split- we stay on jess and rorygood terms as well.

xoxo. S.

Forgiving Prince Player

I never thought I would say that.

I’ve been waiting to tell you reader, Prince Player and I are friends again!

Last week, the day after “Heart” dumped me, I saw Prince Player and we talked. We talked about our common issues and how we should hang out soon.

So this past Saturday he showed up and we had a great time. I started realizing exactly why I liked him last year, we have so much in common!

One of the first things he did was flip over the picture of “Heart” on my bulletin board. I felt like someone cut me…but…he was right to do it. Why keep a picture of someone that doesn’t believe in a future with you?

It took a while for him to get me laughing. We started out by talking about his “playerness”. Imagine my shock when he said, “I’ve been out of my game lately.” Well….me too player, me too.

I looked at his beautiful face with facial hair. I had this need to cuddle against it like I used to. But then, I remembered why I hated him so much.

I brought up the fact that I still hate him for leaving me to screw our friend at my lowest point in life last year.

And holy shit. He finally understands. I saw a sign of regret and hurt in his eyes. Because he grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and said “I DIDN’T KNOW. I had no idea you were facing your lowest point in life. If I had known I would have been there for you like you are here for me!”

forgiveI think it was then that I wholeheartedly forgave him. But I still had to ask him one last thing…

“So… was it a mistake?” I asked.

“Was what a mistake?” he asked.

“Her” I said.

“Oh yea, it was. I thought you were talking about me and you. That wasn’t a mistake” he said.

And with that, I felt so damn happy! He and I weren’t a mistake ❤ I admit it, and he admits it. It feels so great to finally agree on something with him.

But something isn’t right 😦 I feel like I have a billion questions that I probably don’t want to know the answers too.

“Just let it go Shaz” a good friend of mine said after I told him.

“Why?” I asked. “I can’t stop thinking about them and what they did together, it makes me so paranoid!!!!”

“She’s just plain spaghetti” he said with a smile.

I was so confused, I raised an eyebrow.

“No sauce. You’re spaghetti with sauce woman! Can’t you see? If he was still into her, he would have never come back to you. He regrets it. Let. It. Go. Shaz!” he concluded.

And so I did. But there is still something that is missing between us and I hate it. I forgive him, I respect him, I don’t hate him anymore…why can’t things feel the way it used to feel?

I have no idea reader… but I’ll keep you posted! 🙂

Anyways, he left rather early. He said that he will come back again to make up for it. Um…when exactly? This is May…I’m pretty sure the rest our weekends this month look pretty busy. I hope we figure it out.

xoxo. S.

Thanks to My Guy Friends

I owe my guy friends a huge thank you for helping me get my sanity back.

After reaching out to my guy friends on Tuesday night, I woke up yesterday morning feeling great. Even the guys who weren’t able to answer their phone late Tuesday night actually called back yesterday morning to check up on me. I FELT SO LOVED.

In the midst of all the random calls and texts, my phone rang. I asked myself “Who could that be?” as everyone who I called already returned my call. IT WAS HEART!!!! And what do you know, all my readers and male friends were right…he just got a new job and has been working non-stop. Well no wonder… we had an amazing conversation. He said he’s been missing me like crazy and wouldn’t stop thinking about me. I said I felt the same way! He asked me if I was free, sadly I had class and work 😦 He’s not free on Thursdays anymore. We have decided to see each other on Tuesdays. Fridays if Tuesdays are not possible. Tuesdays are a rather awkward time for me as it is somewhat the beginning of the week and I have a lot of work for Wednesday. But what Heart said sticks to me, “A moment with you on any day, is better than not having a single moment with you for weeks”.

It’s hard to believe that a man actually likes me. But it sure does feel nice 🙂 And if he ever leaves me, I will go cry to my guy friends ❤

xoxo. S.

Summer School Blahs: Writing in eyeliner, “taken” men, and other musings!

Happy Friday reader.

You know. My “normal” friends are out having the time of their lives, but science major me is enrolled in two electives over the summer. Easier to do them now than during the school year when I have to take all those crazy science courses :0 (help!).

Anyways, I’m taking “Dance” and “Communications: Public Speaking” at the local community college. Dance is online. It is more of a “dance history” kind of course so it involves a lot of reading and going to performances and critiquing them.

Now Public Speaking on the other hand, is a completely different story. It starts at 8:00 on Monday and Wednesday mornings. It also requires 4 speeches and 3 tests. Yes, this is what the world has come to. #help

This was my first week and let me tell you, it was…interesting. It all started out on Monday, I was one of the first ones there. I took a seat outside the classroom. There was also another student there, some boy my age. He would not take his eyes off of me!! My god that was scary, have you ever had someone that you don’t know just stare at you? Yea. It was wierd. Anyways. The other students started piling in and he started looking at them instead.

The professor finally arrived. She was totally dressed for summer in her sun dress and wedges. Very sassy. I like her.

After the initial intro, she handed out some worksheets for us to fill out. And what do you know. On the first day of school, I forgot a pen. I looked around in my bag and all I got out of it was a tampon and eyeliner. Yea, so um. I filled out the worksheets in eyeliner…What a great first impression! Lukily, I had some money and this college had a convenient store. I went there during break and bought a pen 🙂 I was happy but couldn’t believe I would forget a pen on my first day!! I guess this is karma for making fun of that guy in The “Big O”, pen stealers, new quarter, and other weekly musings! huh? Haha ❤

Fun fact: Did you know that some would rather die than speak in public?

henry fordHaha. After this quote she shared with us, I think I’ll make it 🙂

xoxo. S.