Friday 11:15am- A short 5 minute break to type this all out.
It all started Wednesday. Wednesday was actually a great day. I went to the dentist to get cavities filled and they hurt a lot. But Wednesday was Heart’s birthday. I had so much trouble deciding what to say to him, but eventually, I did send him a short text. He seemed to appreciate it, but said he doesn’t really like celebrating his birthday. It made me sad because, I do. It’s the day we told each other we liked each other two years ago. When I saw how bummed he was and still aching over my dental procedure, I bought myself a red velvet cake and sent him a picture saying- “If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday, I will!” He responded immediately laughing. “Heart” was there for me at my worst. Even though we’re not on good terms now, he used to be my world- and that is enough.
When our conversation ends, I go back to my usual homework for my winter class that takes until 4am. At the same time, I try to type up my grad school essay which is due the same time as my essay for class :0 As I am typing furiously, “Prince Player’s” name pops up on my scree. Oh no :0 Considering what happened in Mini. Anxiety. (Worthy).
As we being talking, “Player” tells me he had been wondering (I never thought he would wonder about me but that is so cute <3) why I haven’t been speaking to him and he found out why…through here. OOPS. And that when he said that when he said his “worthy” statement, he definitely did not mean it the way I thought he did. Double oops.
“Oh my god. Did I not tell you?” Mr. Photography dude said laughing when I finally got a chance to sit down and call him in the morning.
I say “Yea” and that this misunderstanding was just caused by the fact that a) I have known player for so long, we have been through so much together, and I’m always so anxious that something will split us up in our last few months together and b) I have been anxious about everything since this whole break started.
“Why did you stop taking your meds?” he asks. My parents want to know the same thing. I’m a normal human being on my meds, but I get so physically ill :0
“You probably scared the heck out of player” he says.
I sigh, “I know I’m scaring everybody with my ADHD and anxiety. It’s not easy to take a class, studying to retake the GRE, and filling out grad school apps all while watching your family”.
I also tell Mr. Photography dude that part of the reason for all these random “moods” is that my blood test showed my thyroid is being very slow again. I knew something was going on!
He tells me to try and relax this weekend during my vacation (coming up!). And to send lots of cute pics to “Prince Player” (now that we’re on good terms). Oh my goodness. He is so funny sometimes.
So when”Prince Player” and I talked Wednesday, I felt a lot better. But then, the next day, yesterday- Grandma got sick and I had to take her to the ER :0 Seeing how overwhelmed I was with everything, my parents gifted me with a vacation to Miami for my birthday (as long as I take Grandma with me). Although Grandma’s perfectly fine, I got anxiety over everything just happening at once. Seeing how Grandma got sick, and how I got anxiety from watching Grandma be sick, they and my brother have also decided to come along :0
Well. The more the merrier 🙂 I’m excited to see my old home. I haven’t seen Miami in 12 years. Even though I have a final Monday, and a paper due tomorrow, I hope that I can enjoy myself on my birthday. Christ now I know how “Prince Player” feels (his birthday is always around Fall quarter finals).
I love how “Prince Player” talks to me often. I hate how “Heart” has completely forgotten us, I guess he finally could not handle me anymore. I don’t blame him.
Hello. It’s me. I’m sorry… Heart 😦
Goodbye reader, I’ll tell you how Miami is!