Move On

It’s been 5 months now since my brother passed away.

Things are slowly moving here. I’m still grieving and wondering what to do with my life. How I can live and support my parents at the same time. A couple of weeks ago I started going back to the gym and this week I begin a grief support group. Baby steps.

This week a relative said “I know you’re sad but…we have to move on”. He’s seen my brother like three times in his life.

Fuck. Him.

I’ll move on when I want. Grievers no there is no moving on, there’s only moving forward 🥺 And I’m doing it. But I can be sad while I do it.

How much I miss my precious brother. Kindest and fun soul.

This week I started getting cramps and thought it was the stress due to his 5 month anniversary. It was actually my period. These periods during grief are really interesting. They are so much more intense. I know it’s happening when I want to stay in bed all day, eat chocolate, want space and either get really sad or angry out of no where. My mom got me these two goodies today, it was really soothing.

I’ve got a lot to say about grief readers. I just, I’m still trying to put it in words 😔This wasn’t supposed to happen. I hurt everyday. I miss him so much.

To the readers that have sent condolences, I want to say thank you, and I’ve been thinking of you all. I hope to write more soon.

xoxo. S.

Grief Tired

Why is grief so hard.

Today I was really “grief tired”. Grief tired is when you haven’t physically done anything, but feel like you want to rest.

Grief is mentally exhausting.

Along with rest, I just wanted to snack a lot today. Initially I wasn’t eating at all. Now I eat too much sometimes.

This is hard. I don’t like being in this club 🙁

My Brother Died

Dear readers,

A couple months ago as I was about to begin writing again, my brother died unexpectedly. He was only thirty. We were close.

There is not a lot I can say, as writing about the day he passed is triggering. My life has changed drastically, and for the first time in my life I’m just speechless.When the time is right, I hope to write about the aftermath and invite you into my world of grief.

I’m grateful to have been surrounded by amazing friends during this time, and my brother’s visits in my dreams that give me so much comfort.

I hope you all have been well during this crazy time in our world. I resigned from my healthcare position to grieve and take care of my family during this trying time for us. I am just taking things day by day, moment by moment.

Hope to catch up with all of you again soon.

-S