Saturday Conversation With Steven

12345Me: *Sends this pic to Steven. I always send Steven jokes/things relatable to us. And he gives me a response as to how he feels about it*

Steven’s response: U?

Me: Me?

Steven: We

Me: Us!

Steven: Yes!

Despite some cramps, my mental health day is going nice so far πŸ™‚

Happy Saturday!

xoxo. S.

Source of picture:


Let Me Tell You About My Day

So, I had been having a few crappy days. It all started when I published my last post. The topic made me think about what happened and made me sad 😦 And then my mom said something that made me sad. And then Prince Player told me something that made me sad. I don’t even remember what they said! And then finally, work was an absolute disaster on Friday and Monday.

And Tuesday I worked overtime.

Today, well it’s 2 am so I should say “yesterday”, but yes- yesterday I slept in. And when I woke up, my phone was FULL. Full of notifications.

Several from my readers at wordpress πŸ™‚

Some emails from my boss

A Snapchat from Jeanette

A Snapchat from “Prince Player”

Some “likes” and comments on Facebook on the photo I posted last night

A Facebook message from Hillary

WAIT WHAT. I pause when I see that notification.

Hillary, was my best friend in high school (aside from Steven). She dropped her bag next to my desk in 2nd period World History class freshman year and the rest was history. She was there when I first began writing, we went to many parties, and we were on the golf team together!

When she went to California and I stayed in Illinois for college, we lost touch. But we would always message each other when we see that we’ve accomplished something, it was our birthdays, or just if we thought of one another .

So today, I open that Facebook message.

“So I’m in Boston lol. Are you around?”

SAY WHAT????????????

Um, yes!

Hillary wants to do lunch and I don’t believe it. I have not seen this girl in 5 years. So many friends of mine have come to visit Boston, but none really reached out to me.

I quickly get ready and agree to meet Hillary.

An hour later, I look around for her, and I see a gal with beach blonde hair, sunglasses, looking like she’s in LA instead of Boston-

“OH MY GOD” I say.

“HELLO!!!!!” Hillary says smiling.

Hug hug hug hug hug.

We order Mango sangria’s and catch up on our lives in literally 10 minutes. It’s like NOTHING has changed at all. There’s not many people I’d day drink with, but Hillary is an exception.

I Snapchat everything and ask Hillary to tell my friends what I was like in high school.

“You were crazy, like insane, but you always had a smile on you face” Hillary says.

I stop my video. I melt. I forgot that.

She asks me if I made a lot of friends here in Boston. I tell her I did.

“I would be surprised if you didn’t. You are so personable” she responds.

I melt. I forgot that.

She also asked me if I was still writing.

I melt. I forgot that I began writing at such an early age!

After we’re done drinking and eating, Hillary wants to see the baseball park. Luckily, I live in that area, so I take her there.

Silly troublemaker Hillary tries to sneak in because we can’t find a way in, but we eventually find a person thFullSizeRender(9)at is selling tickets to get a tour of Fenway Park and buy tickets.

Hillary was a softball player in high school so this was really important to her. We walk all over the stadium and take lots of pictures.

When we’re done, Hillary wants some postcards so I take her the bookstore and we pick out a few cute ones. She is writing them when we realize she has an extra.

“Who do I send this to?” she asks confused.

“I have no idea. The last time I sent a postcard was when I was in Dubai and it was to Mr. Klien and some girls on the team” I say laughing. Mr. Klien was our golf coach and AP Government teacher.

Her eyes widen. “THAT’S IT! We’re sending this to Mr. Klien!!!”

We laugh so hard and write a note to him.

Guess who bumped into each other here in Boston? Couldn’t help but talk about AP Government and golf! We hope you are well!Β 

And we signed our names πŸ™‚ He’s going to love it.

And then it was time for Hillary to leave :/

But saying goodbye to her wasn’t tough. One thing about Hillary is, she’s not sad unless she absolutely has to be.

So when her Uber arrived, she was like, “Okay bye! I’ll text you!”. Like I’ll see her tomorrow or something haha.

And I love that about her.

And I love that she surprised me today. Is it just me, or is a surprised visit better than a planned visit???

She has made my entire Summer.

Thanks Hillary, for reminding me who I was and who I still am ❀

xoxo. S.

Eid Make Up and Festivities

Eid Mubarak my friends πŸ™‚

IMG_7047Although I feel more spiritual than religious, and I come from a very liberal Muslim family, I love the month of Ramadan. Fasting hasn’t always been easy, but I am at a nice sense of peace.

Where I live now there isn’t a huge Muslim population. And my family is all the way in Texas. Sooo I couldn’t celebrate the way I usually do, but I did do the two big parts of Eid festivities: dressing up in a new outfit and eating! What do you guys think of my makeup? It looks like many of you enjoyed my last post! As promised, I will write a post containing all my makeup products soon.

I also gave money. Today, while I was going to get coffee, a woman was sitting outside my building and she asked if I can give her a $1. Well, it was only a $1 so I happily reached in my purse. Then she said, “Before you take that out, can you give me $10? I have kids to feed”. Oh. $1 went to $10. Well. It is Eid. What kind of Muslim would I be if I did not believe someone in need. I only had $5 cash. So I gave that. She frowned and said thanks. Well, I did my best…

Anyways, in my family, it is tradition to go to the movies after all the festivities! So I got together some of my good friends and went to see “Rough Night”. It was hilarious!

I hope those of you who celebrate had a great day πŸ™‚

xoxo. S.


The Last Weekend of Undergrad

And there it is. Tomorrow begins the last week of undergrad. I don’t know where my 4 years went, and as I try to figure it out, I’m a whirlwind of emotions.

I guess it all started last week when player came over. And I woke up the next morning in the dress and make-up I was in the night before :0 It was fate (like so many times I bump into him). And then the net morning, I went home to Texas. On the way there, I had a layover in Minneapolis- home to Sidekick’s family. And he and Mr. Photography dude were heading up there for Memorial Day. So I got to be on the same flight as them and spend time with them (another moment of fate!)

“Wow. You must have had a wild night last night” Mr. Photography dude says when I open my door in my gala dress. I roll my eyes and tell them to make themselves at home while I go change.

In the plane we watch Trainwreck and they make comments about how I’m like Amy Schumer’s character- this is so untrue! But I’m flattered because she makes me laugh and I just love her.

So this past week was fine. Memorial day weekend gave me time to relax and find a dress for graduation.

And then the weekend came. I got free tickets to go see a famous Arabic band as Harris was opening for them.

As soon as we step out of our Uber, Mr. Photography dude turns to me.

“Shaz, look”.

I turn around. Heart’s waving at me. Fuck.

Of course he’d be here, he’s Harris’s best friend. I wave back. He looks good, surrounded by many girls.

The line to see Harris and the band is long. It goes out the door and into the streets!

At one point Harris comes out. I quickly go up and talk to him, and am outnumbered by so many girls from our rival clubs who get all over him.

I go back to my place in line. When he is left alone, he’s about to go backstage but I pull him back- and snap a selfie with him πŸ˜‰ All the girls watch. I don’t care, I knew Harris before he became famous!

An hour later, they let us in. Harris sets up, and 30 minutes later he begins singing.

Oh. my. goodness. Can Harris sing.

Everyone is dancing and shouting his name in joy.

How come he has never sang like this at our events. Where has he been hiding??

“Heart” stands in the front row and acts like he’s Harris’s hypeboy as he begins pumping up the crowd at various times.

I roll my eyes and continue to be mesmerized by Harris’s voice. My jaw keeps dropping. He looks at me occasionally as he sings.

Mr. Photography dude observes. “Well well well. Looks like you’ve finally fallen for him”.

I snap back into reality.

“Fuck off” I say laughing. When the main band comes, I’m so tuned out. Harris was good enough for me.

I go get a cocktail. As I’m sipping, Harris comes back. Before I can think, many girls go to him and begin taking pictures. Ugh.

“Just make your way through” Mr. Photography dude says. “You’re his main ho” he says winking.

I almost choke on my cocktail. I laugh and shake my head.

Harris slips away again.

So I go back to dancing. A while later, out of the corner of my eye, I see him standing alone. He looks at me.

Finally, I go on over to him. I pull him to me, before any girl gets him. “I love you. What the fuck? You can sing!!!” I say.

He laughs and asks me if I’m enjoying my self. I say yes. And begin taking more selfies with him. He laughs at me.

Then some girls notice he was the lead singer and take him away from me. Christ.

When the show finally ends I start saying goodbye to my friends. I suddenly end up between “Heart’s” circle. He comes up to me.

I act cool as he hugs me. “Hey! How are you?” we both say at once.

We laugh. “You’re leaving!” he says.

“Yea….” I say giving him my best fake smile.

He asks me when I’m leaving and I tell him.

Then we separate. And I go home.

When I woke up yesterday, I had a migraine and felt sick to my stomach. The “I’m 13237841_823252484477256_7533822548913518988_ngraduating” blues have kicked in- and the night before made it worse. I wish I could have spent more time with “Prince Player”, because we have a good connection. I wish I would have met Harris, before “Heart” because he seems more genuine and a better match for me. I wish I would have listened when “Heart” said he’ll fix me with Harris because even he thought he was a better match for me! I wish I didn’t steal Harris’s position on board. I wish I could stay here over the summer.

But I can’t…

Because I’m in the my last week, and am leaving Chicago for good next Tuesday.

Oh and Muhammad Ali passed away, so there’s that.

And I’m supposed to be meeting “Prince Player” for drinks tonight but I’m pretty sure he’s forgotten by now- so there’s also that.

xoxo. S.

Some Days I Have Very Bad Days, Some Days I Have Very Good Days

Some days I have very good days, some days I have very bad days. Some days I realize the situation with me and player is good, some days I don’t. Some days I enjoy being a mini politician, some days I don’t.

On Thursday, I didn’t think about any of the “some days I don’t”. Because. Thursday. Was an unreal day. Thursday as I was moping about my horrible Monday and Tuesday, and getting over my “normal” Wednesday, and preparing for a busy Thursday of meetings after class- I got an email.

I almost fainted. Boston University accepted me!!!!!!! The 10th best MPH school in the country!!!! Before I have a panic attack from good news, I call my parents and text Mr. Photography dude.

My parents were so happy, but we we were all disappointed by the fact that it costs 5 times as much as all the other school I got into 😦

“Look Shahz. If I were you, I would go for it. Think of it as an investment. I will help you. You get a job, and I will help you with the rest if this is where you want to go. Don’t let money be a factor in your decision” my dad said.

I shake my head. I can’t believe it. I can’t even believe my dad would help me. It’s expensive, and extremely far (5 hours of a flight) from him!

My mom was not as supportive. “You can go to a school here in Texas for 1/5th that price. If you go to Boston, you will need to get a job and start paying your undergrad loans immediately on top of your tuition”.

Lovely. I hang up the phone. “CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’m not surprised at all to be honest you-had-the-power-all-along-my-dear-quote-1<3″ Mr. Photography dude has responded to the news.

“You know what this means right?” he asks as soon as I call him.

“What?” I ask him laughing.

“You can leave ‘Prince Player’ and all them behind!!!!”

I laugh. “What are you talking about?” I ask.

“A few months ago! Remember what you said? I said the chances of ‘Prince Player’ being with some other girl has the same chances of  you getting into an Ivy league! And you said, ‘Hey. If I get into an Ivy league and he’s with someone else…. I’m leaving!” he says.

I almost start crying from laughing to hard. I can’t believe I ever said that. “But Boston is not an-” I start saying.

“Don’t even Shahz. It is so damn close to being an ivy and you know it! Hey, you could go up to Harvard and MIT since they’re so close and find your husband there!” he says.

I laugh even more. I tell him the news about the price.

“Holy…shit. Well. That’s the price you have to pay for an excellent education right? Maybe it could be an investment” he says.

I sigh. “If I go there. I will have to be a research assistant, a waitress, and hell even a STRIPPER!” I say.

“That’s okay some girls do that to pay for their tuition” he says.

I’m on my rug from laughing to hard.

Oh boy. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t believe it. I am so proud of myself, so excited about this, but…I have no idea how I could ever fund it 😦

The next day I have a dream that player wrote me a letter saying “CALL ME”. And then, in that dream, I got so busy- I never did. Is this some weird freaky sign telling me something or what.

On Saturday, I get the news that it is time to pass my Presidency to someone else as I am graduating soon. Holy. Moly. Where has the time gone?? I grab my phone to tell Harris, but then I remember the dilemma. That was also part of my irritation last week. WHY IS HARRIS NOT BEING UPFRONT WITH ME ABOUT LOVE AND POLITICS. Also, some people don’t like the fact that he is n798f28173ca032e972deee70bf752042ot President anymore- because I am a woman. And he is a man. Are they nuts. I can do anything Harris can do, perhaps better.

Some days I have very bad days, some days I have very good days.

xoxo. S.


Monday 5ish- “I don’t get it! I payed a lot of money for tutoring, I studied my butt off- and still when I saw that test today I panicked” I say to Mr. Photography dude as I update him about my exam.

He’s listening, but not really paying attention. Something is up. “Is something wrong?” I ask.

“No just…I don’t know. I wanted to tell you something, but I guess now may be the right time” he says.

I get worried. “Just tell me now” I say.

He sighs. “…I’m going back to Egypt after graduation”.

Ow. Ow. Ow. I take a deep breath.

“Stay” I say.

He laughs. “I can’t. My family’s there and my Visa’s expiring” he says.

I frown. “My dad was in the same situation along time ago and he came back” I say hopefully.

“I’m not as strong as your dad. I miss my mom, my dad, and my little sisters” he says.

I nod. I understand. “Does everyone know?”

He nods. “I told them not to tell you. I was postponing telling you because…I knew-”

“You knew I’d be sad” I say.

He nods. “You just. You just have the biggest heart and I knew it would break-”

“Trust me my heart wasn’t even whole to begin with” I say.

He sighs. “I’ll freakin miss all your poetic lines” he says.

I laugh. “Don’t worry you have my whole blog!” I say.

We sit silently for a while. “I’ll miss you” I say. He doesn’t say anything. “Will you miss me?” I ask.

He looks at me. “Are you kidding me? Yes I’ll miss you! You nutcase! All your stories about these frogs you kiss that don’t turn into prince’s. Waiting for an hour for you to get ready. Your annoying gum popping. Yes. Don’t even ask” he says looking down.

That makes me even sadder.

“Hey no. Stop. We’ll always keep in touch” he says. I think about how I a lot of my friends 12552628_752772304858608_3016956262063895572_n.jpgsaid that to me- only to go our separate ways. Like we forgot each other.

“Will you remember me?” I ask.

He laughs. “I have a whole portfolio of you, you know. My career started because of you! I have a thousand photos of you and none of us together because we were always too busy having fun to take pictures!”

I laugh. He is so right. But this is so sad.

Soon he has to go.

“I’ll call you” he says putting on his jacket. I smile my best “I’m okay” smile and nod. Just as he leaves, I get a text from “Prince Player”.

He asks if I’ll be free later that night. And that he wants to talk, but in a public place, for “obvious reasons”. Oh my. I look at my watch. My three hours night class starts in a bit. I tell him. He says that’s fine and asks if we can try Wednesday night- I say sure.

As I walk to class, I bump into Sidekick. I give him the death stare.

“Ooooo did Player break your heart again?” he asks.

“No. Your best friend did” I say.

He takes a breath, “So he told you” he says.

I nod.

“You knew it was coming” he says.

I nod.

“It will all be okay. Look you’re not gonna be in Chicago anyway!” he says.

“Yea but I’ll be in the U.S…” I say sadly.

“You’ll still have me!” he says.

I smile. “Yes I will….”

“Have you talked to player?” he asks.

I explain the situation. “Ah. You must have been happy you have night class. Today doesn’t seem like a good day to talk to him” he says laughing.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter what day it is. I will never be ready for this talk” I say.

He raises his eyebrows. “Why not?” he asks.

“I’m scared” I say shivering because of the cold.

He rubs my shoulder, “Don’t be. Just say all the things you feel. If he doesn’t get it, that’s alright” he says.

“But I don’t have anything to say. He does” I say.

“So let him say what he needs to say!” he says.

“What if it’s mean?” I say.

He laughs. “If it’s mean he probably didn’t mean it. Try not to be over sensitive and be brave” he says.

I sigh. “By the way. I think you have lots to say. You can start reading straight from your blog if you don’t believe me” he says.

I laugh and smack his arm. “Ok I’m kidding! But no seriously. I think you do” he says.

When we arrive at our classes, we go our separate ways. After class, I call my dad and tell him about the exam. At first, he was fine with it. And then he said something. And then I defended myself. And then he got mad and went off in a tangent.

And I suddenly realized why I share my feelings with no one. Because they’ll reject it. They’ll reject me. I haven’t talked to him since…I have been postponing.

Mr. Photography dude called shortly after. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Fine. Got bigger problems now” I say. I tell him about the phone call with my dad.

“Let me guess. He probably said you don’t have ADHD because you’re only doing bad in FullSizeRender(16).jpgone subject. And then you said all your classes are equally hard. And then he said you’re not concentrating enough on Microbio. And then he started mocking all your accomplishments and said you should give them up until Microbio gets better?” he asks.

I smile. Mr. Photography dude has heard this story one too many times.

“Don’t. We need you” he says.

“But my dad-” I say.

“Yea and? Didn’t you apply to the Master’s program without his permission? Didn’t you apply to your big teaching internship without his permission?” he asks.

I smile. “Yea”.

My mom is on the other line so I tell him I’ll call him back. I tell her what happened.

I could practically see her rolling her eyes. “Don’t listen to him. Keep doing what you’re doing” she says.

“But he’s my father” I tell her.

She laughs. “When have you ever listened to your father? You are the most successful woman in our family. Don’t let him stop you from your dreams” she says.

FullSizeRender(17)I smile, when we’re done I call Mr. Photography dude back.

“Who am I gonna practice for all my interviews with? Who am I going to practice all my conference/event speeches with?” I ask sadly.

“Me. Sidekick. Your mom. Z. Our board. You have a big community” he says. I smile.

When Wednesday finally comes “Prince Player” and I try to arrange a time to meet up. First he suggests the student center. And then I say no on account of that’s where he broke my heart three years ago and our conversation ended with me telling him he was a dick.

So I suggest Starbucks. But player wanted to meet a bit later and Starbucks would be closed then. So player suggest we meet earlier at Starbucks and that he’ll come there straight from work. I don’t have a great feeling about it…The last time he had a long day at work, he took it out on me. I want him to rest for a little first before we talk.

So I tell him we will just go with his original idea of meeting later in the Student Center. He says okay, but I know him very well. He worked 10 hours, does he really want to see me? I wait for him to text me and say that we will need to postpone.

Behold, a few hours later, as I’m volunteering with my girls- he texts and asks if I will hate him if he wanted to postpone as he worked a long day and the idea of leaving his place makes him even more tired. I smile. How did I see this coming?

But I was happy. I was exhausted too. I had a 10 hour day as well. I tell him that’s fine.

When I’m done volunteering, I go to a meeting I had been planning to go to.Β  “Mr. Photography dude” and Sidekick are already there.

“Hey what are you doing here? I thought you’d be with ‘Prince Player!’ Sidekick says coming to me.

“Long story” I say.

“Why do you look happy?” he asks.

I try not to smile. “Oh my god. Don’t! Don’t postpone this talk just because you’re scared!” he says.

“What the heck? I didn’t postpone it! He did!” I say.

“And you agreed?” Sidekick says.

“Uh yea. I want us both to be well rested and at our best when we talk” I say.

“Uh huh. Good excuse” he says.

I roll my eyes at him.

And then Mr. Photography dude comes by. “Go home. Didn’t you have a long day today? How was the interview?” he asks.

Yes. I had. A crazy busy day. I stayed up until 4 the night before. My day started at 8 with an interview, 3 hour lab, back to back classes, and volunteering. All of this with no break! And it was now 7:00. Phew.

Sidekick decideds now is the time to tell Mr. Photography dude about the fact I’m with them because “Prince Player” wanted to postpone.

“Uh yea and when do you guys plan to meet? You know we have back to back events for the next three weeks right?” Mr. Photography dude says.

I roll my eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know. I’ll make time” I say.

I tell him I want toΒ  go home and sleep, but have so much to do for our club. This takes me until midnight, and right as I am submitting all our important documents for an event- I see that our event has been postponed until further notice.

Christ. Mercury retrograde ended on Monday. What is up with all these postponed stuff :0

xoxo. S.

Mr. Photography dude vs. Mr. Film dude, “Heart” vs. his Best Friend,…and the Real Neat Blogger Award



I got nominated for the Real Neat Blogger award from Paul at The Captain’s Speech! Eep! This is such an honor because I am one of his biggest fans and awards show me that readers like my writing.

So first I must answer some questions,

1. What was the first job you ever had?

It was governmental. Very fun.

2. Which do you prefer: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Which one does ice cream fall under?

3. If you had $100 in your pocket, what would you spend it on?

Gifts for all the people I love πŸ™‚

4. Fries or onion rings?

Tator tots would be fries right?

5. What was your favourite movie as a child?

13 going on 30.

6. How fast can you say the alphabet backwards?

3 seconds actually. It’s my hidden talent!

7. When was the last time you flew a kite?

5th grade.

So who shall I nominate? Allie at Little Allie Big World for making me giggle with her brutally honest stories, Ellie at Peanut Butter & Ellie for tempting me with all of her yummy food ideas, and Keri at for making me think! Congratulations ladies!

xoxo. S.