What a long 20 days without blogging.
Yes, reader, I’m alright. I’ve been so busy over the past three weeks with school. No work or extracurricular, just school. I guess grad school does that to you. After the last post, things were going pretty well.
“K” improved his behaviors and took me out regularly. Also called regularly.
And then he started to flake again.
Missed one date. And then the other.
Thanksgiving break gave me a chance to tell my Mom about him. This was also the day I told her about all my past love interests.
Her jaw drops.
“Well. I knew about Prince Player” she says.
I look at her and laugh.
“I don’t like this new guy Shahz. I don’t want you to be with him. You can do better” she says.
This made me sad. Really sad. We debated about it everyday until the day before break ended. On that day, she told me about the relationship between my dad and her.
I was shocked when she told me stories of my dad using the same lines “K” does.
I swallow. “Why didn’t you tell me any of these things before?? Now it’s going to hurt when I break up with him!” I say crying.
“Oh Shahz, come here” my mom finally feels my hurt.
“It will. But. Look at yourself and look at all that you accomplished. Don’t you think you deserve better?”
I nod and sniffle.
I have never broken up with someone before. It was always the other way around.
One of my readers commented a few weeks ago that I sounded “miserable”. And that’s exactly how I felt. And this step is necessary.
When I got back to Boston yesterday, it was exhausting. I had a 7 hour flight and night class. It was a long day.
When I woke up this morning I look at my phone. I am on social media. And what I find, is, something very unacceptable from “K”.
That’s it. I’m done.
I send “K” one hell of a text message. I’m ready to move on.
When he suddenly starts typing a response immediately.
He says there has been a huge misunderstanding and “it’s not what it looks like” and he is “hurt” I would say all the things I did.
Huh. And then he blames me for jumping to conclusions.
I tell him he has given me no reason not to jump to conclusions with the way he has been treating me these past few weeks.
“That’s because these past few weeks have been the most stressful time in my life.”
My jaw drops. Did he not say that last month?
“I was actually going to call you in a few hours and ask if you’re free tonight so I can take you to the Cheesecake Factory”.
I grit my teeth.
What the absolute hell. It’s almost as if he’s bribing me.
I tell him if he really wants to discuss this in person, I am free after class.
But he’s upset.
And never responds.
My mom calls tonight and asks “is there something you want to talk to me about?” when she hears the sadness in my voice.
But I can’t.
I can never. Ever. Let someone. 100% go.
Breaking up is hard to do.