I Am Woman (Part 2)

Well. Last night before I went to sleep, mother nature showed up telling me I was not pregnant.

Great.

This morning I wake up to go to work. I crouch to the floor. Jesus. Christ. Mother of all pains. Thankfully work is with the other public health educators in the state today and most of them go to my school so we meet on campus. But my boss slams me with work.

In between I get a Snapchat from “Prince Player”. It has a Starbucks in it. Oh that’s right, I usually send him a picture of my Starbucks run. But in the morning I was so crampy and busy I didn’t have a chance to get one. I am tempted. I go get myself a latte (which I would regret later).

As I wait, my boss gives me another deliverable to work on. And on the day it is due, I already have 2 other major project due! Eep! And this new deliverable he is having me do is an article about tick bite virus prevention.

Great.

Being a female scientist is not a joke.

Alright but I manage. I’m tough. I’ll space my abstract and two articles due in increments over the next two weeks.

And then I get word the lead Epidemiologist at the state department wants to meet with me because she is impressed with my abstract idea. OH MY GOD. I quickly go home and change into a better dress and heels and call an Uber. It would take me forever if I go by train.

The Uber pool is $12. Great.

My cramps get intensely worse in the Uber as if I’m having labor pains and I start taking deep breaths.

“How do you know what that feels like?” Steven asks after I Snapchat him.

“BECAUSE. All the women in my family said giving birth felt like really bad menstrual pains!” I say.

And also because I am feeling like something keeps kicking me in my back, stomach, and everything else okay?

I keep breathing in and out.

f541976af9dcdccabe9207410fbbe117“Are you okay? the Uber driver asks.

I stop breathing and Snapchatting pictures of myself in crisis.

“Uh yes sorry. I just have cramps” I say.

Great.

She laughs “Oh I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t too hot from the heater.” Yea to make things worse it was 59 degrees in Boston today.

I smile and we drive over several potholes making us bounce and my cramps hurt like hell.

Great.

And then “Prince Player” sends me a Snapchat of a very delicious looking salmon and other things and it says “when ur gf turns you into a health nut” or something like that.

Great. I wish I had a boyfriend that turned me into a health nut. Or a boyfriend in general.

Finally I arrive and I am just in time. The epidemiologist is great complimenting my excellent work. I am so honored. As I’m sitting and talk with her, a HORRIBLE cramp comes over me. I smile my biggest smile and cross my legs. That made me cramp up even more. Shit. I uncross and breathe while talking. Why won’t the pain go away???

I keep breathing softly. And eventually the meeting ends. Thank goodness.

I go home.

And as soon as I take my dress and heels off, I collapse on my bed. I play some Maroon 5. My freshman year of college, when I had the worst of cramps like I had today, Adam Levine’s voice would calm me down.

When I get a text, I pause the song. Big mistake. The cramp comes back. I breathe, and quickly put the song on- but it’s too late!

I run to the bathroom and begin puking. With Adam Levine singing in the background.

I cross my heart and I hope to die, that I’ll only stay with you one more night.

Yea. You better leave Aunt Flo.

I collapse on the floor.

Great.

My whole Starbucks latte that I had this morning  is out of my system. Note to self. Don’t drink lattes when having a period.

Adam Levine keeps playing in the background. I need to stop it. It gives me freshman year college memories. Of my love life and cramps. Ugh. I turn him off. Although I love him.

I put on other songs by him and go to sleep.

Wondering how I’m going to make it to my big meeting at the State department tomorrow.

Sigh. I am woman. And it still has not gotten easier.

P.S- When I feel better, your letters are coming! I have gotten 5 requests so far, remember to comment below if you want one! 🙂

xoxo. S.

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Sassy Humor- Part 6

sassy humor 2Someone had to say it sooner or later…. Lol reader save me 😦 Isn’t birth control supposed to help killer cramps?? #seriously. What’s the use of having a room all to yourself when  you’re all cramped up 😦 Oh sassy problems…… Thank you for your wonderful thoughts on today’s special, Poetic Musings: “Fool”    🙂

xoxo. SassPrincess.