Probably my favorite quote from the movie, Dumplin’. If you guys haven’t seen it, check it out! It’s on Netflix 🙂
Readers, did you notice something? I have been posting every day since my blogiversary. And I expect to continue doing so until I get a job! Blogging again has made me remember how much many of you want to read my words and how much I love connecting with all of you.
Today, I’d like to share the poem that has been keeping me going these past few months. It is from the book How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield, and Peter McWilliams. I highly recommend it if you ever lose someone or something important to you.
continued from One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California
So I continued working my really busy job, and spoke to Scientist either early morning before I went to work or over the weekend. It was so romantic. I so badly wanted him to visit. As luck would have it, he had to come by for a business trip just a few days before I moved out of San Francisco! I was so excited. The reason why things didn’t work out between us in Boston was 50% me and 50% him. 50% me because when we first began seeing each other, I felt overwhelmed by him. He was so kind and I just couldn’t believe it after being mistreated by so many guys. By the time I realized he was not “too much” for me and actually “perfect” for me, he was too busy.
Which is why we were both excited to make things right in San Francisco. The day before we met up, I was in a rush. I had to work on a pre-assignment for a job interview I had and I had to pack, but when the next morning came and I was sleep deprived- I just didn’t care. I put on my favorite California dress and my Issac Mizrahi perfume that I know Scientist loves. I hopped on a train and took it to the city. And hour and a half later, I get out at the train station. I look at all the signs and directions on my phone trying to figure out where I am and how to get to Scientist’s place.
What the heck. Who would know me in San Francisco? I turn around.
IT’S SCIENTIST!!! *I want to imagine I throw myself on him* but what happened was more like I quickly put my arms around him and whispered in his ear, “Oh my god…*Scientist*”.
And he puts his arms around me too and gives me a big kiss on my cheek just the way I love it.
“What are you doing? Were you on the same train as me?? I thought you would Uber out here!” I say laughing.
Scientist rolls his luggage “I’m watching out for the environment” he says smiling. I laugh. He is so cute.
“Have you eaten?” he asks as we try to find the place he is staying at.
“Umm no…but I’m not really hungry” I say on account of just being with Scientist makes me feel full.
“Well I’m starving!” Scientist says. We laugh and drop off Scientist’s things. He takes my hand in his and we walk around for a bit and he finds a beautiful restaurant. We order drinks and catch up for a bit.
“So how exactly did your parents find this guy?” Scientist asks.
“Well you know, when I was younger I lived in this ethnic community in Chicago. These communities are populated in different parts of the U.S and each of them has this organizer right. Well the organizer in Chicago knew the organizer in San Francisco. She has been trying to find a girl for this guy for years because his family is sad he’s single and his brother in law fixed her up with a job so she thinks she owes it to them. Well, she originally called the organizer in Chicago to check if this other girl in the community would be a good fit for the boy…and that is where I came in. Because the organizer in Chicago said, *No. That girl is nothing but trouble. Very disrespectful and definitely not a good match for that boy. But hey, I know this other girl Shaz. I’ve known Shaz since she was little. She was known as a writer in our community and is so good to everyone and just got her Master’s blab blah blah* and thus- the rest is history” I tell him.
“Right” he says. I sigh. “And then you guys just didn’t work out huh?” he asks.
“Well. You know, he called me stupid. And I just wasn’t going to stand for that behavior” I say.
He shakes his head and it’s time for us to order food. He orders a delicious fish sandwich and chips. My ex-fiance didn’t like fish, I like that Scientist does. Fish and chips is probably one of my favorite foods on this planet. I order a truffle mac and cheese.
“I thought you weren’t hungry” Scientist teases smiling at me.
Ok well he made me hungry! We talk some more, we laugh some more, and we eat when our food arrives.
When we’re done eating I get my purse to pay. “What are you doing?”Scientist asks taking out his credit card.
“I am getting my credit card!” I say. “No” he says. “I rarely come up to San Francisco. It’s on me” he says putting his credit card down. Now I kiss his cheek.
After paying, we have a nice walk back to his place. I am so happy with him.
When we reach his place he looks at me. He holds my face and kisses me. I kiss back and turn away. He grabs me and I am suddenly on his lap, but facing away from him.
“So. What happened in Boston?” I say smiling at him. He smiles lightly, I can see he is under some lovespell I didn’t mean to put on him!
But he answers. “Oh Shaz. Listen, I was traveling around that time. And I ended up texting you after you left because I felt so bad. I was like I never told Shaz bye”.
Aw. I like that Scientist actually felt bad and thought of me. I go back to him.
“And now we’re here. So let’s pick up where we left off” I say turning back towards him. “I like this dress” he says smiling. Aw, that makes me feel good.
“Me too. It’s very California-y” I say. “It is very California!-y” he confirms. He touches my hair “I like your new highlights” he says. Again I melt. “I notice these things” he says smiling.
I smile even bigger. “I know you do, it’s one of the many things I love about you” I say.
And it’s true. My ex-fiance never complimented my dresses or my new hair. But Scientist did. And that’s why he just felt right for me.
He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck. And I’m happy, that at least one good thing happened in San Francisco.
When it’s time for me to go, I look at him. “So..what now?” I ask.
He sighs. “Well. Let’s figure out where we will both be working next” he says.
I nod. “Usually I’m very clingy. But there are so many things that are uncertain now so, I think that’s a good idea” I say.
We agree and I return home to pack.
We did continue to talk, but not in the same romantic way we were talking before. Gosh, I kind of hope Scientist didn’t find someone new. I mean it’s ok if he did, but he was just right for me. Giving me one good thing to remember about San Francisco 🙂
Ok, so for those of you readers who wanted a funny/normal Shaz/happy story, here you go! I never did update you guys on what happened with the “Scientist”. The new guy I met a few days after Prince Player left me.
For those of you who remember please skip to the next post. For those of you just joining us, I am so sorry! Here is what you missed: I had a college lover we like to call “Prince Player”. Half of this blog used to be about him. When I graduated college, I decided to go to graduate school- in a different state. So we began seeing other people. But we always did like each other in a way, so when we were both single a few months before graduate school ended- I visited him in Chicago where we went to college, and he visited me once in Boston where I was going to graduate school. Long story short, when he visited me in Boston, it was clear he didn’t have the same feelings I did and it was time for me to meet someone new. A few days later was when I met “Scientist”. Scientist made me happy. He was classy, smart, and loved my sense of humor. Oh and he runs a blog too! Anyways, both Scientist and I got super busy towards graduation time and we ended up…losing touch. Scientist stayed in Boston, and I moved back to Texas to live with my family because I didn’t have a job yet. And obviously, when I moved back to Texas is when my parents tried to arrange my marriage. The day before I met my future ex-fiance is the day Scientist decided to text me and apologize for not getting together before I left. Oh my lord. I quickly said it’s fine and put my focus on my ex-fiance, it didn’t seem like Scientist was really trying to re-enter my life anyway.
Except we did keep talking occasionally. And Scientist suggested he could visit… And by then, my ex-fiance and I were in a very committed relationship. I told Scientist. Scientist was very mature and wished us the best. I continued my romance with my then fiance and moved out to this hometown. And obviously that is when things fell apart. A few days later when Scientist commented on one of my social media platforms- I updated him on my new single status.
“Oh no baby, what happened?” he messaged back.
And that is where it all began again!
DON’T MISS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! One of the Only Good Memories I Have From California (Part 2)
Readers, thanks so much for the congrats messages you left about my blogiversary. And if you shared your blog on my older blog brother Paul’s website in his Share Your Blog 2019 post, even more thanks because that means I now have new friends/got to reconnect with old ones.
For 6 years I have been known for making readers around the world laugh or smile. I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. Over the past few months, it’s been hard for me myself to laugh. A broken engagement & being laid off at the same time feels like a living nightmare. Some days it’s ok, some days it isn’t.
One day I will be 100% fine. But today isn’t it 😦
So I need a favor from all my dear readers…I want you to think of something funny. A riddle you heard, something in your life, something you read on my blog- and try and make me laugh! Comment below 🙂
Hello, and happy new year! 6 years ago I started this lovely blog. Of these 6 years, this past year was the lightest in terms of blogging. I only wrote 34 posts :0 In 2013 when this blog began, I wrote 274 posts!!!
As many of you know, this past year was the hardest year of my life and that is what contributed to my low amount of blogging. I hope to get back at it this year. Thank you for being patient with me.
Writing that reminds me of this great quote I read during my healing process:
“Be patient. God hasn’t finished healing me yet.” Philippians 1:6
All of you have been patient with me. Reading your posts and hearing your feedback on my posts always keeps me going and I’m excited to begin again. Here’s to a much happier and healthier year!
I hope you know none of what happened to you this year was your fault, and everyone is proud of you for pushing through despite everything that happened.
It wasn’t your fault your parents tried to arrange your marriage right after you graduated. It’s not really their fault either, almost all of your friends from your faith community got their marriage arranged right after or right before they graduated and all of them are living happy lives. Your parents only wanted what was best for you- and instead all of you got manipulated and it is nobody’s fault except your ex’s. Sorry love. Something better will come.
It wasn’t your fault your fiance changed his mind about you and kept it to himself, and eventually you had to call everything off when he started treating you so poorly to the point you couldn’t stand it because he didn’t have the guts to end the relationship.
It wasn’t your fault your fiance demanded you to move across the country for him and within only months of living in your new hometown, you got laid off from your job and you had to return home. Companies have to do lay offs all the time, and a lot of times it is the first people who get hired that has to go.
It wasn’t your fault you donated the gifts your fiance gave you. You don’t need gifts from anybody that disrespected you.
It wasn’t your fault you got rejected to so many jobs and it took a while to get your first job, and is now taking just as long to get your new job. It isn’t always easy to land a job, even with your qualifications.
It wasn’t your fault you had to cancel your car lease and rental lease in California when you had to move back home. What else is one supposed to do when they lose their first job?
It wasn’t your fault you stopped writing and taking calls from relatives because you couldn’t put into words what you experienced in the last 7 months of your life.
It. Just. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.
So here’s to you Shaz!
Despite everything that happened, you totally nailed so many things in your life! You graduated with your Masters degree from a top 10 school, you worked temporarily for a top company in a high level role, you made an Instagram and got 100 followers overnight, and most importantly- you ended a toxic relationship because you knew you were worth so much more.
Just wait. 25 will be a great year for you ❤ You will see why everything happened the way it did 🙂
When I think back to the last time I experienced a hard few months of my life, I sigh.
How was I so weak back then with small issues, but tough now with the big issues.
Back then, my biggest problem amongst others was liking “Prince Player”- who didn’t like me back. It wasn’t my parents separation. It wasn’t my ADHD. It wasn’t school. It was that.
Reality has hit my like a slap in the face. I lost my fiancee. I lost my job. I had to move back home. And I lost what would have been my brand new car.
I said it then, and I’ll say it now.
It’s like God is testing me. I get to experience regret, guilt, humiliation, and sadness all at once.
But I remember, back then, it was so tough and I thought my life was over. Yet, as I learned, things got better- and my life…was just beginning.
I hope that’s what is happening right now.