From Where I’m Standing…

“So he emailed you?” my childhood friend Z and I can’t control our laughter.

“Damn a lot has happened since I last saw you” Z says.

I put my fish taco down. Oh how good it feels to go out again. “You could say that was the miracle I was waiting for” I say. “I’d say. Never thought that one was coming back” Z says.

“But he’s gone again so” I stir my seltzer.

“Shaz. You’ll love again. You are very pretty, successful, and caring” Z says.

I make a sad face. “I know” Z says.

In the midst of moping over Prince Player, my ex came back.

I never expected that to happen. We ended so angrily. I hated that I hated someone I once loved.

I read his email that day he decided to reach out. “I am trying to apologize. What would you like me to do?” he had written.

I sighed to myself. We used to write each other love letters via email. He remembered.

And then we had our interaction mentioned in the last post. After he ordered me a pizza, I wanted to see him. I appreciated his peace offering.

“Um hey…do you want to hang out now?” I ask.

And so it began. We watch Saturday Night Live and catch up on everything that happened in the last 6 months. We go out for about 6 weeks…and then I don’t hear from him again.

What the hell.

Z shakes his head.

“He’s such an interesting person full of surprises huh. One minute deeply apologizes to you and takes you out on all these dates even though he’s “not really a relationship type of person” and then just kinda ghosts you” he says.

“Yep” I say.

“And then Prince Player never responded to you…” he says.

I shake my head.

“Ouch” he says. “How is your heart anyway?”

“Fine. Ultrasound clear. EKG clear. Stress test clear. I have a little monitor now” I say pointing to my chest.

Z laughs “Jeez. How long do you have to wear it?”

“Just a few more days. Thank god it’s getting itchy!” I say.

“I bet. Hey, you doing ok now about the Prince Player thing now?”

I stare at my half eaten fish taco. Why don’t I remember these wraps on them have gluten my god-

“Shaz?”

Oh right.

I let out a loud sigh.

“Yes. It’s just weird. Like I’m not sad. But I’ll just think of him sometimes. Like when I saw Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton got married and I hear their weird song. Or when my friends from college ask to hang out. Or when I read these stories of how people who knew each other for a decade finally got married…”

“It wasn’t meant for you Shaz. You were doing way too much and you know it” Z says.

I make a sad face again.

“Shaz. The right one will make an effort for YOU”.

“Kinda like the other one did?”

“The other one did. But only in the beginning. We need consistency too!” Z says.

I hold my face in my hands. “I’m just doomed. I’ve been looking for a new job for like what a while now. I’ve been looking for a new partner for like what a while now. I’ve been-“

“SHAZ. Jesus you gotta stop” Z says.

“I’m having my Britney Spears moment!” I say.

“You’re what now?” Z asks.

“Ok I was watching tarot. Ok. And my favorite reader said Sagittarius’s are going through this moment where you know everyone has been thinking that they are fine but it is slowly being revealed they haven’t been. Kind of like what has been going on with Britney who is also a Sag!” I say.

Z laughs. “You’re nuts Shaz. Listen. You’re ok. Remember where you were two years ago?”

“Fuck me. That was my J.K Rowling moment” I say.

“Not even” Z says. “But you know what I’m talking about. You’re not there. You are in a much much better place now. The rest will happen, just like it happened then”.

“It only took like 7 months for it all to happen then. In 7 months I had a new job and home. In 8 I had a new partner. Now it’s taking a long time”.

“Bet it seemed like a long time then too” Z says. “Remember all those people who used to bother you and ask things like why you still don’t have a job?”

I look down. “Yea.”

“You’re not there Shaz. I know you’re not happy where you are, but you’re not at rock bottom.”

I smile. Kind of.

“And don’t forget the biggest thing-“

“I know I know. After that thing with my fiancee, I moved here after 8 months and told everyone I don’t have a boyfriend, don’t expect to have one anytime soon, and then the very next week I met him. And he was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Happiest 5 months of my life” I say.

“There you go”.

“Let’s hope by the next time I see you things are better huh” I say.

“It will!” Z says.

Sigh.

I guess all is ok like Z said.

It reminds me of a line from that theme song of a TV show I watched when I was little, As Told By Ginger:

From where I’m standing, my grass is green

xoxo. S.

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