Lady Problems

continued from How Will I Know

One of the first traumatic experiences in my life was getting my period. You know those rare stories you hear about girls that have awful cramps and vomiting at the “time of the month”? Nice to meet you, I am Shaz and I am one of them.

Since I was 10 years old, I’d miss two days of school a month because of this thing. Weddings, birthday parties, family events, awards ceremonies also. It was awful. I remember one time I heard my aunts say “lord please don’t let Shaz be on her period this day!”

I feel bad for my mom, dad, and brother who had to support me during these times. Whether it was listening to the awful howling of me in pain, leaving work and having to pick me up from school early, or running to the store to get me more pads because my heavy bleeding made me go through all the ones we had.

It was rough. “I feel bad for you…not us” my mom said before my procedure. “All that pain you went through and are going through now, it’s not about us at all”.

When I was 18 and in college, my parents finally agreed to put me on birth control pills. Of all the things they were liberal about, they were conservative when it came to reproductive health. The adjustment took a year and it was rough, but after that first year- I was vomit free. And I only got periods 4 times a year!! HALLELUJAH. I still got mild cramps, but they were rarely severe or included vomiting and plus I didn’t get many periods. No more missing school, work, or special events. It was awesome.

Everything was going great until what happened last year. Last year, my pills totally started to fail. Not only when it came to period symptoms, but period timing. I thought cramps were bad, well I guess I didn’t realize there was something worse- 6 week long periods!!!

You know what happens next. This happened a few times, I found out I have PCOS and Endometriosis that contributed to all these symptoms, I had a breakup and had a cyst that ruptured, we tried another pill that worked miraculously for almost a year and that also became ineffective and my wonderful specialist Dr. Davis finally convinced me to get the IUD.

So that brings us to about two weeks ago:

Two weeks ago it’s the day before my IUD procedure (yes I’m calling it procedure because due to my two conditions it was high risk for me). I have gone another weekend with Prince Player not texting or calling. We were supposed to talk a few days before my procedure so we can decide when he can visit. Obviously, it wouldn’t be good for him to come while I am recovering. So no calls no texts.

Until the day before. Player says he is stressed, but wants to be here for me during this time. This is incredibly sweet and so unlike him. I love it…

On the afternoon of, he texts me right before. He reminds me I got this and says he wishes he could be there for me to take care of me. It’s really sweet.

When I get to Dr. Davis’s office, I sit in the procedure room. This is very different that the exam room. They play nice pop music and stuff and the lighting is different. I just need to get this over it, why is Dr. Davis taking so long?

After 12 minutes, Dr. Davis enters.

“Oh good. Let’s do this Dr. Davis. You’re gonna make this as painless as possible for me right?”

Dr. Davis looks me dead in the eye. “Let me get Nurse Karina for you so you can squeeze her hand”.

He leaves to grab her.

WHAT THE EF. THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN!!! Plus I cannot stand Nurse Karina!!!

Karina and Dr. Davis walk in. Ugh.

“Shaz. You know Nurse Karina. She is tough and you are tough so this will go good”

Jesus. Mary. And Joseph.

“K Karina. Let’s do this” I say holding out my hand. She smiles under her mask and holds my hand with both of her gloved hands.

“Cough Shaz” Dr. Davis says.

“Cough? Ok” I do a light cough. And I feel that piece of whatever it is pop right inside me!!!

“OH MY GOD” I say through clenched teeth and squeezing the hell out of Karina’s hand.

“Just breathe honey” Karina says.

I hold my stomach. I can’t feel the lower half of my body.

“You did great” Dr. Davis says smiling after the procedure. “Thank you Karina” he says.

Karina leaves. I get up slowly.

I look at him with tearful eyes.

“It will be ok Shaz. Hopefully this will help” Dr. Davis said.

“I am about to start throwing up right now” I say.

“Let me leave. I will be back in 5 minutes to check on you. I’ll send Karina too” Dr. Davis says.

I take off my mask and puke a little in the trashcan. Thank god I’m vaccinated. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing this if I wasn’t.

I lay back down on the procedure table. I text Prince Player.

He texts back right away. He is so sweet.

Karina walks in when I’m taking a drowsy selfie for Prince Player.

“Here is some water for you” she says smiling.

“Karina, listen that ain’t gonna help. I will throw up more. I don’t feel good” I say.

“Do you have a low pain tolerance?” she asks.

THIS PERSON. OMG. WHAT???

“I have more pain tolerance than the average woman. But I have Endo and PCOS that gives me a lot of pain” I say for the 100th time. She reminds me of the nurses in school who didn’t believe me when I was complaining of menstrual cramps.

She nods “Drink the water though”.

Ok yea whatever.

She leaves and I try my best to get up.

Oh my Jesus this hurts like hell. I clutch the exam room table and lean on it like I’m doing a plank standing.

Dr. Davis walks in.

“Good you’re standing” Dr. Davis says.

I stare at him with my mask dangling down the side of my ear. I prop it back on.

“Don’t you see what I just did?” I ask.

I point to my vomit.

He nods. “Feel better?”

He got me there. “A little bit…” I say. “Hey do you have drugs?”

“If you’d like I can give you some narcotics” he says.

“You should” I say.

“Ok but it would knock you out…” he says.

“Fine then don’t” I say.

Dr. Davis laughs. “You’ll be sore for just a bit. Take 3 ibuprofen every 6 hours” he says.

Oh lovely. My last dose was only 1.5 hours prior, so I have 5.5 hours to go.

“In the meantime walk around a bit, it may help” Dr. Davis says leaving.

Oh my Jesus. What is wrong with people.

I walk around a bit and drink the water Karina gave me.

I vomit 5 times. I walk to the nurse’s station.

“Karina can you get the doctor please?” I ask.

“He is doing a exam for another patient” I say.

“Ok please tell him I threw up 5 times” I say.

Karina looks in shock (she should have listened to me) and nods.

Dr. Davis walks back in.

“So how do you feel now?”

“I’ll admit I feel a teensy bit better after vomiting all that out. But I can’t feel the lower half of my body. It hurts so bad. I think I will call my Uber soon, I have to lay down”.

Dr. Davis nods. “Ok. I told you about your recovery. Now about sex. You may start having sex within 24 hours”.

I smirk. “Believe me. That will not be happening”

“Next week though maybe” Dr. Davis says.

I raise an eyebrow. Well then.

“You know how to reach me. Call me if anything happens. I need to see you soon to check that it’s in place and do an ultrasound. You can schedule that appointment when you’re feeling better” Dr. Davis says.

I nod. My Uber arrives.

I planned my outfit so well. I kept my dress on the entire time, and I didn’t put my leggings back on because the lower half of my body hurt too much. I had tall boots on too so I wasn’t too cold in the 30 degree Chicago weather that day.

The Uber ride is so uncomfortable with the tremendous pain. I want to puke again. I pray in my head to help me hold it until I get home. Somehow I make it through the 18 minutes. For once I am happy it is not a chatty driver. It is a driver going at good speed to get me home, not evening knowing my situation which I thank god for.

When I get home I realized I see I soaked my giant maxi pad. I feel like I just birthed a baby.

I throw up twice again.

I change into a new maxi pad and a nightie. Again the nightie will ensure my body is not crushed.

I just want to go to sleep but I’m hungry. I order what my parents used to get me when I had bad cramps and vomiting. Chicken McNuggets with honey, fries, and Apple juice. After eating that I feel so much better.

Thank goodness for Uber and Uber Eats honestly. If this was the olden days, I would have needed a lot of friends to support me through this time.

After eating I sleep. I feel crampy again when I wake up, and again have soaked my maxi pad. Good news is it is time to take my second dose of meds. I do so and sit down on a step stool for a while, sitting in that position makes me hurt less. Throughout the night and days in recovery I do it when I feel crampy. My friends who have had babies tell them I’m reminding them of postpartum.

Prince Player is amazing, checking on me through the night and next few days. I send him selfies and my progress, he tells me I’m cute and is just so supportive. He is finally there for me when I need him the most.

It’s hard when he vanishes. Or when he says he will call or text but doesn’t. But I try not to get anxious about it. I know anxiety will slow down my recovery time, and I know where my player sits in my heart. If I don’t have one in his, that is just a problem for another day.

Right now, I’m getting through my lady problems. It’s been about a week and a half since the procedure now and I’m feeling a lot better. I think as the doctor said, this will help a lot and I can catch a break real soon.

xoxo. S.

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