Memories (Part 2)

“Look on the bright side Shaz. It’s now a year since we’ve been on the frontlines of a major pandemic!” Maria says.

I smile. “Yea. That is awesome for sure. I’m so proud of us girl”

She laughs. “Shaz…I’ve been meaning to ask you something… are you sick again?”

I face her. “Why do you ask that?”

“You look a little pale. Your hand is cold. You keep holding your back…”

“Yep” I say.

“Oh no. How long with the bleeding now?”

“Like…3 weeks” I say.


“I know. What bothered me is this lower back pain. I never really had it before” I say.

“Oh my god! Remember that’s what Kim had and it turned out she was pregnant?” she asks referring to our other coworker.

I laugh and massage my back. “Yea but it’s not that. I took a test and it was negative”

Maria shakes her head. “All your scares Shaz. It’s always right after these boys take off”

“I know right. PCOS sucks. I can’t tell if I’m having a period, spotting, withdrawal bleeding, a cramp, or whatever so I never know what’s going on”.

Maria sighs. “Have you told your OB?”

I nod. “I got an appointment with him later this week.”

“I’ll pray for you my friend. Everything will be okay” she says squeezing my hand.

We get back to work.

The next few days I am tired. I hope the doctor can figure out what’s going on. This is just too much to handle.

The day finally comes and my favorite nurse is on duty. She does my ultrasound and says everything looks as it usually does, nothing new. So that maybe we should do a different one, one that will look more closely at my “lady problems” as Prince Player calls them. But that she has to consult with the doctor first.

A few minutes she and the doctor comes in.

“What is happening Shaz?” the doctor asks.

“You tell me” I say.

“Well. We’re gonna do this other ultrasound that will take a closer look. Fair warning it’s a little uncomfortable. You may feel lightheaded. Cramping. And may bleed a little more. Stephanie, get her a pad just in case please” he says motioning to the nurse.

My jaw drops. He nods. “It’s just another precaution we have to take. We need to rule out things so we can figure out what’s happening.”

I sigh “Alright” I say. Dr. Davis has been amazing. Never in a million years would I imagined I’d agree to a male OB, but after my cyst ruptured and he took good care of me- he is the only one I will see!

“So how is everything?” Dr. Davis asks as he prepares.

“Fine” I say shrugging.

“Yea, you still with the partner?” my eyes widen.

Oh my god he is asking about Prince Player. I keep forgetting about Prince Player not because I don’t miss him but this is just how I cope with heartache. So it takes me a moment to remember who he is talking about.

“Um no” I say.

“Yea I remember he was a new partner. Or rather you hadn’t seen him in a few years, and then you did?”

Oh my goddd.

“Yea. We’re not together anymore” I say.

Dr. Davis nods. He doesn’t squeeze answers out of me and that I like.

And then the ultrasound begins. Good grief. I am positive this is what labor feels like.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks.

“A little cramping, almost done Shaz”


“And done. Stephanie let her get dressed and send her to the consultation room please” Dr. Davis says.

I get up from the exam table. “Umm..”

“Are you ok? Dizzy?” Stephanie asks.

“Yea..” I say.

“Ok sit for a moment. Take it slowly once I go. Yell if you need something, I’ll be waiting outside.”

I nod.

When I’m dressed Nurse Stephanie takes me into Dr. Davis’s office which is not an exam room. I’ve never been in one of these.

“What’s happening? Am I dieing?” I ask.

Dr. Davis laughs. “No, have a seat” he says gesturing to one of the two chairs in front of him.

“Well what is it? Am I pregnant?” I ask. Dr. Davis knows as much as I would love to have a baby, I don’t want one right now. Especially after the way “Prince Player” ended things.

Dr. Davis laughs again, “No. There was no baby in the ultrasound”.

I sigh. “Phew that is really good”.

Dr. Davis nods. “I wanted to talk to you because that second ultrasound was normal. There were no polyps or anything that indicated anything beyond what you’ve had all these years which is PCOS. So now the question is. How do we stop this bleeding”

“Yep” I say.

“At this point we have explored almost every oral contraceptive out there. It doesn’t seem like your body is responding to those well. Even the last one we put you one, worked for a solid 9 months- and then just stopped”.

I nod.

“So it is time we consider the alternatives I’ve told you about Shaz” Dr. Davis says.

“Oh my god no not the IUD” I say.

“That is one. We could also put you on the shot. But the shot you have to come in every 3 months, and you will experience breakthrough bleeding for the first couple of months. At this point- we aren’t comfortable putting you on that with the amount of blood you are already losing”.

I nod. “With the IUD, wouldn’t I get a period every single month?” With the pills I’ve been on the last few years, I only got a period once every season.

Dr. Davis nods. “Yes but they will subside after some time. Plus as it stands right now. You are actually bleeding more days than you are not”.

“That’s very true” I say.

“It’s not a decision you need to make today Shaz. You are also welcome to just stop taking the pills you are on now and see if things naturally get better. But it would mean you are not protected…”

I hug my purse. “Oh yea we don’t need to worry about that. I won’t be having sex any time soon” I say remembering my poor heart and Prince Player.

Dr. Davis looks at me “But, I know long term- you might want to be”.

I shut my eyes. He is a good doctor.

I nod. “Let’s do the IUD. If I stop the pill I’ll get horrible cramps and heavy bleeding, that’s what happened in the past. If I stay on it nothing will change and I’ll keep getting these prolonged bleeds. The shot we ruled out. You’ve been telling me about the IUD for a year now so let’s go with that. It’s worked for patients you treated with my condition right?”

Dr. Davis nods “Yes it absolutely has. But remember, not every body is the same. We won’t know what happens until we try. I wish I had a solid answer for you.

I nod. “How bad will this hurt?”

“It’ll be similar to the ultrasound we just did. But, you’re tough” Dr. Davis says.

Yes thank you 17 years of horrible menstrual cramps.

I laugh, “Ok but that pain I just had in there was awful!”

Dr. Davis nods. “If you’d like Shaz, we can pre-medicate you”

I nod fast, “Yes, do that”

Dr. Davis laughs and makes notes. “Ok, got it”.

“Recovery time?”

Dr. Davis shrugs. “Some women are able to drive back to work and go about their normal duties. Some woman need recovery time for a day or a couple of days due to cramping”.

My jaw drops. “Ok soooo. That’s gonna be me! Which means I need to come here on one of the two days I’m allowed to work remote. But you are only here once a week on alternating days, so that may be hard….”

Dr. Davis smiles and nods “Let’s look at my schedule. We could always try another provider”

I shake my head, “I only trust you”.

Dr. Davis laughs, “Ok. You have clinic every other day right, leaving the day after each available? I think I have an opening a week and a half from now”.

It works with my schedule and we confirm.

I drive home still in pain. When I come for the procedure in a week and a half, I’m definitely going to Uber.

I take the rest of the day easy.

I think about Prince Player.

I remember him so well when people bring him up. I wish we could be together. I wish I knew what he was up to. Haven’t heard from him in three months.

Little did I know, it wouldn’t be too long.

continued in How Will I Know

xoxo. S.

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