I wake up the next morning exhausted.
Player and I stayed up until 4 am, but, I fell asleep at 6 thinking too much.
Again, I don’t know what I am getting dolled up for but brush my teeth, comb my hair, and do my make up.
I climb back into my bed and wait for player to wake up.
“Morning” he says.
“Morning. How’d you sleep?” I ask.
“Good. You?” he asks.
“Shitty” I say.
“Because of what we discussed?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m going to Dunkin. What do you want?” I need to get the hell out of my home. I need to clear my head. I don’t know what to say to Player, I can’t-
“Can I go with you?” Player asks interrupting my thoughts.
“Yea” I say.
We get dressed and head out. Player takes my hand and holds it when we are outside.
I smile at him.
We turn on the radio in the car and Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani’s “Happy Anywhere” comes on. I look at player, he looks back and we laugh. I hated this song before my weekend with player.
Now it all makes sense and player and I can’t stop singing together.
“I’m running wide open. I was born with my feet in motion. But since I met you, I swear I could be happy anywhere. Any mapped out location. You’re always my destination. You’re the only thing I’m chained to. I could be happy anywhere. I could be happy anywhere with you” we are singing and laughing.
“Look player! I could be happy at the McDonald’s with you!” I say pointing to the McDonald’s.
He laughs and looks at me.
And I look at him.
And I sigh.
Because I know. What player and I discussed last night, wasn’t something player intentionally did to break my heart. Does what player did make him a bad person, knowing he too was not in the best emotional condition at the time? No. It doesn’t. Player was honest with me and admitted it was a mistake. Humans make mistakes. Am I perfect? No, I’m not. And goodness if I make a mistake while I’m not well, I hope player stands by me too.
I take one hand off the wheel and put it in his.
When we get back after our coffee run, player admits he is still in the same spot about his feelings towards me. While it breaks my heart, I know it’s breaking his more than mine, as he is tearing up. “I still want to enjoy the rest of this weekend with you” he says. I look at the clock. 3 more hours. I don’t even know what to say.
I sit next to him. I take out my hoop earrings one by one. “Think about it player. This is my last hurrah. If you want to leave me that’s fine, but don’t think you can just leave and come back like you did these 8 years.”
He asks why I like him. My jaw drops.
“3 things. Pepperoni, green peppers. black olives” I say.
He laughs. “That’s true” he says remembering how we like the same things.
“Player, we really like each other. We like the same things. We have common interests. We make each other happy. We go well together. You know this” I say.
“Maybe we just need to be in our own space again. When you leave and I am here on my own and when you go home, we can reflect on our own and maybe it will be more clear to you. Right now we’ve been in the same place for 48 hours after not seeing each other for 2.5 years- space may do us good” I say.
He agrees. “I’m going to lie down” I say. God, the few hours of sleep I got is destroying me.
Player joins me, and somehow, I pass out in his arms. I wake up to him saying “We’re good together aren’t we”. I murmur, “Yea” like I haven’t said this for the past 48 hours. But I’m glad he said it.
Soon it is time for player to go. And he is holding me as we are saying our parting words. And all the tears that didn’t come out before, are now coming out.
“We will text. We will call each other. We will see each other again really soon. Just look how fast this time went” I say with a tear falling down my face.
“Hey, I’m the crier” player says wiping my tear and tearing up himself.
He kisses my forehead, “Thank you for a good weekend. I’ll remember it forever”.
“Text me. Every step” I say.
He nods and is out.
After he leaves my entire family, local & global decide it’s the perfect time to FaceTime me.
Black mascara and eyeliner all over my face. It is what it is. I’m exhausted and sad, but talking to them distracts me from what may have been the last time I saw “Prince Player”.
I get a text from player when he is in the Uber to the airport, “You amaze me. I feel so loved”.
I smile. That’s a good sign. Isn’t it?
Don’t miss what happens next! Coming soon: Begin again, my reunion with “Prince Player” in the time of Corona (Part 5)