I couldn’t believe it. I must have read that wrong.
“We can hangout if you want…we should”.
There I was, two weeks ago. Exactly a month after our break-up. After zero responses to my texts or letters, I started moving on with my life.
So when I was at the mall, enjoying my single life, my eyes nearly pop out of my head when I see his name on my phone screen. I open his text. It’s a picture of our favorite restaurant, where I live. I wonder what he is doing here as he lives in another city. I take no prisoners.
“Lol what are you doing here?” I ask.
“Haha. My sister, her husband, and my niece wanted to come here” he writes back.
Well isn’t that just lovely. That’s where I wanted to go to dinner when I was done shopping! Ugh. I don’t care anymore. He hurt me. So again, taking no prisoners, I write back- “Nice. Have fun”.
He responds “Will do”.
And I think that’s that and I am happy. I am happy I didn’t lose control and beg for his attention as I did in the last month of our relationship.
And then. Two hours later. As I am trying on shoes, I get the lovely text.
“We can hangout if you want…we should”.
My jaw drops. I’m shook. This is the person that said he wasn’t coming back and I should see other people.
“Why? You hate me. You made it pretty clear how you felt about me when you left me” I respond.
“I never said I hated you!” he writes.
“You never responded to my letters” I say.
“I’m sorry Shaz. I just didn’t think it was appropriate at the time” he writes.
“Oh so what? Is now convenient for you?” I ask.
“No. Of course not” he responds.
“What is it sugar? You couldn’t find someone else?” I ask.
“Shaz” he writes.
“What?” I tell him about the past month. Where I cried and prayed just wishing he could come back. And to make the pain go away.
“I’m sorry Shaz. It was never my intention to hurt you. If you don’t want to hang out, that’s fine” he says.
Oh NO. I do not let him take that. “Wanna get a drink?” I ask. He agrees.
I tell him I will be home in a few hours, and he says he will be free then too and will come pick me up.
When the clock strikes midnight, he is outside waiting for me.
“Hey Sweetheart” he says. Ohhh he is so beautiful. I could just-
WAIT. HE BROKE MY HEART!
“Excuse me? I am no longer your sweetheart!” I say.
He looks taken back. “Okay Shaz” he says laughing.
“UM. NO. You can’t call me that either” I say.
He laughs. “What am I supposed to call you?”
I cross my arms. “You’re gonna call me what the rest of the world calls me”.
He gasps. “Wait, you want me to call you by your full name?” he asks.
I smile and nod. “Fine” he says.
When we get to the bar the bouncer takes our ID. “You remember when my birthday is?” I ask him.
He thinks for a minute. “OMG it’s coming soon!!!” I say.
We laugh and we go sit in our usual place in the bar.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“Nothing” I say sipping my margharita.
“You’re not saying anything” he says.
“You never listened to a word I said so why should I” I say.
He smiles, “that’s true”.
More silence. And then the margarita hits me.
“So why are you really here?” I ask.
“I just wanted to say hi!” he says.
“WELL HELLO!” I say. I stir my drink. “You couldn’t have texted me that?”
He laughs. “I just…I missed you!”
I smile. “Which part was it? Was it the sassiness, the cheekiness, the boldness, my curves-”
He interrupts me. “It was all of it” he says.
I’ll be damned. But ooo how he hurt me.
I stare at him.
“I also wanted to see you because…”
“Because?” I ask.
“Because I wanted to apologize. I never stopped thinking of you” he says.
Oh my Jesus. WHERE WAS ALL OF THIS WHEN I WAS DOWN.
“You can’t just waltz back into my life and take me back. You were the one that slammed MY door and left me!” I said.
“We had a lot of problems Shaz…” he says.
“Yea well. They’re not going anywhere. Unless we start talking” I say.
I discuss one thing that bothered me.
About him and my friends telling me to pursue another career at my housewarming party.
“I’m sorry I said that. It’s just I could never do what you do. I actually think what you do is very cool”.
Wow. So all this time it was a misunderstand. I thought he was mocking my choice of being an Infectious Disease Specialist/Counselor for patients living with infectious disease. But he wasn’t. It was admiration this entire time.
“I’m still kind of upset with you that you didn’t respond to my letters. You said I could still write you” I said.
“Those letters were very hard to read…” he says.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because they were written so well” he says.
Oh holy moly. I don’t know if it’s the margarita or the new truths being revealed, but all the feelings start coming back.
“You wanna hang out at my place?” I blurt out. “Yea we can do that” he says.
When we walk out he tries to hold me. “Don’t touch me!” I say. He pulls back.
So he comes back into my beautiful home that he helped me put together.
“It looks festive” he says looking around. Last time he was here was in October and now it’s almost Christmas and I have my Christmas decor up.
“It doesn’t smell here like it used to!” he says. My apartment used to have a horrible gas leak smell. And maintenance could never fix :0
“Yea. I put in a wallflower” I say laughing.
I climb into my bed. He walks into my bedroom and stands in the corner, hands in his pockets staring at me.
He smiles and looks down. Because we both feel the discomfort. We have know each other for 10 years, and romantically for 6 months. And we had a seperation.
But he knows. That with me is where his heart lies. Because he walks over to his side of the bed and lays down.
“Don’t touch me!” I say.
He laughs and pulls the covers up.
Little by little. I inch closer to him. And then his lips touches mine. And everything is fine again. There are no other lips for me.
I reach over to turn off the lights to go to sleep.
“Hey Shaz?” he says.
I pull away from the light and look at him. “Hm?”
“I really am sorry” he says quietly.
My eyes well up.
I kiss him.
I hope the timing is right now.