On Moving Forward

“You are a very beautiful lady, tell your husband he married up!” a gym member coming in tells me as I exit the gym.

Why thank you sir. I would have told my fiancee if we hadn’t broken up. And he probably would have mocked me if he heard that, because that’s just the way he was.

This was a rather strenuous week. Not one day did I miss my ex or regret leaving him. I don’t know if I should contribute it to mine and Scientist’s flirtatious texts over the weekend. My returning to the gym and getting back at it with my work out routine. Or everyone’s praying for me to get better.

Whatever it is, something happened this week. It started out over the weekend when I shared a joke with Scientist. He replied laughing and telling me he missed me. I blush and admit I miss him too. I think we are done with our conversation when he all of a sudden says…“I still think about how you looked that day”.

I nearly drop my phone out of my hands. He is talking about our little date in San Francisco, when I last saw him. How sweet. And so, we begin communicating again and I am happy.

Mid-week I go see my doctor for the usual blood test/check up. I’m not in a good mood because I hate needles, and as soon as I walk out the door- I get a call from who would have been my sister in law.

img_3133She is again calling, to see if I plan on going back to my ex. “You know. This isn’t nice. This relationship already caused a lot of sadness for me and my family, why should it continue? Please, I’m moving forward” I say in the most kindest tone possible but it comes out extremely emotional and I know she can practically hear the tears fall down my face.

“Ok Shaz, sorry. If you’re sad, feel free to hang up” she says. I roll my eyes and hang up.

I start my car and sigh. Later when I go get groceries with my mom, “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line comes on. It came out in the summer when I was seeing my ex and it was my favorite song. As soon as I broke up with him however, it became the worst song on the planet. So when it came on in the car a few days ago, my mom looks at me and switches it off.

“No…it’s fine. It doesn’t mean anything to me anymore” I say.

My mom smiles a big smile. “Oh thank god! It’s a really good song!” she says.

I laugh. Yea it is. “I’m really proud of you” she says when the song ends.

I smile. I am proud of me too.

As my friend Sam said,“Just think. A year from now, what happened to you over the past few months will just be *something that happened a year ago*. And 10 years from now, it will just be *something that happened 10 years ago.* And none of it will really hurt anymore, at least not as much as it hurts right now”.  He’s right.

And as a dear reader our good friend Bryan from A Crack in the Pavement commented on one of my posts in response to the Dolly Parton quote “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain”, “But if you love storms you are my kind of person. They full of magic and surprises, a mystery around every curve. That’s my kind of rainbow.” How could I not have seen this before? Storms are really exciting. You never know what to expect and what usually follows it is extremely beautiful and calming.

xoxo. S.

7 thoughts on “On Moving Forward

  1. Out of curiosity… What kind of job are you hoping for?

    …I really hope I didn’t read the answer to that question in a post somewhere and it got lost in my short-term memory somewhere.

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