Almost is Never Enough

I always waited for the day “Prince Player” and I would reunite. Like actually reunite. I loved seeing him in the bakery when I went to visit Chicago a few months ago, but the time was not enough. And I felt my heart feel empty.

Which is why I was excited when I found out he was coming to Boston. This was it. Finally, after two long years, I could hold one of my favorite people again.

“You guys are like a Nicholas Sparks movie” my mother once said about us. Meh. Not really.

Anyways, the week leading up to his visit was crazy. I had an event every day and assignments due. But still, I got my hair done, I got my nails done, I got ready! I couldn’t believe the day was finally here.

I had a long day the day before he visited, but I couldn’t sleep. I was just so excited.

Finally, the sun rises and I notice I have a text from him. He was almost here!

I quickly get ready and wait.

And finally he was here.

I see, him smirk, the way, he always smirked at me. And. I die inside.

I’m overwhelmed with joy inside.

We catch up on what’s been going on in our lives, and it is just like old times.

Except it isn’t. I see an empty stare in his eyes.

I know that look. I myself  had that look a hundred times. It is a look of anxiety and worry.

“Is everything okay?” I ask him.

He looks away. “Mhm, just nervous about the conference”. He says.

I understand. He was in Boston for a conference, just like I was a few years ago when I first visited Boston. We all remember how anxious I was!

Anyways, I tell player not to worry. And that I will check in with him from time to time. And I’ll see him later that night.

So we get on with our days. I go to school and player goes to his conference. When we reunite later in the evening, I’m excited to catch up with him more. We go to one of my favorite restaurant’s.

We talk about some memories from college and our favorite musicians. He mentions he no longer likes pop music, except maybe Ariana Grande. I like her too. I ask him what his favorite song by her is. He says it’s “Almost is Never Good Enough” and gives me that smirk he does. And I give it back. Because of course that is his favorite song.

But, something still isn’t right. He hasn’t said anything about me.

Where is our chemistry. Where are our happy memories from knowing each other for 6 years. Where is my “Prince Player”.

I feel sick. My gluten allergy is acting up and interrupts my thoughts.

“If you’re not feeling well we could go…” Prince Player says.

I smile and shake my head. There’s player. Caring and kind.

When we finish our meals, we head back to my place. I lay down next  to him.

“Um. I’m feeling tired” he says.

“Sorry” he says getting up.

“Oh no it’s fine” I say. My heart hurts. It’s like I’m a ghost.

I can’t do this. I need to sleep. I turn off the lights and lay down turning my face.

“Good night!” Player says.

“Good night” I say trying not to reveal my sadness.

In the middle of the night, I feel sick to my stomach. I vomit and feel crummy. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten gluten.

I go back to sleep and wake up early. I feel physically and mentally crummy. I am supposed to workout with my trainer later in the morning, but I cancel it on account of the circumstances.

Player is up and about getting ready for his conference. He no longer looks nervous, but seems to have a cold. Still, he says he will be by in the evening so we can hang out.

I nod and stare at him.

We give each other a kiss. And he heads out.

I should have known, he would not be coming back to see me.

(to be continued)

xoxo. S.

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