I Am Woman (Part 5)

Ok don’t panic, just an hour and a half last of health accounting class. I can do this.

Fuck me. Who was I kidding? I made the poor decision of going off of birth control. And now I am sitting in a hot, uncomfortable, graduate school night class. Excessively bleeding. Terrible cramps. Ready to vomit.


I have been on these pills for SIX years. These pills helped me be a normal woman. Regular periods, rarely vomit, manageable cramps.

Oh yea. I was thinking, I want to have a kid someday. And I don’t think it’s safe to be on birth control for this long so I might as well “practice” being off the pill.

I am an idiot. 1) I am not having a kid anytime soon. 2) The Kardashians were on birth control pills for a long time and they all had (or are going to have) babies!!!

As soon as class ends, I try to rush home. Not only do I have a 30 minute commute, I have to pick up tampons. The cold 20 degree weather outside does not help. As soon as I get home, I put my hair in a bun. I know what my next 15 minutes will be. VOMIT. Ahhh!!!! I lay on the bathroom floor.

I vow. Never to go off of these pills, unless it is time to have a child.

I get up off the floor. Thank goodness I have no class tomorrow I thought. But how am I going to deal with this pain? I look at the Advil on my counter. “No painkillers” the doctor said.

Ok well. She forgot about my monster cramps. I tell myself I’ll just have two today. And two the next day if needed. That’s it.

I take the Advil and sleep a solid 8 hours. I wake up and something feels very wrong. I lift up my sheets.

a2648563ab471221258516acae390056--hilarious-quotes-so-funnyBLOOD EVERYWHERE. I jump. My poor bed sheets. My poor Victoria’s Secret pajamas. I slept with a tampon AND pad for goodness sake what gives!

Jesus no wonder why I’m anemic.

I shower and then I go to CVS. I buy a box of overnight pads because clearly the other ones are not working. And the cashier is the same woman as the day before!! Lord, she must think I have a serious issue. But, then, the dude cashier who is overly flirtatious comes to ring me up. I give him my pads and look down. Ugh.

I come back home and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey. I drink some soup. That’s what I’ve been having for the past three days :0

I converse with some of my guy friends. I wonder if “Prince Player” or Yassin ever had girlfriends who had monster periods like me. Gasp. Why am I thinking about Yassin’s past girlfriends? Why am I putting Yassin in the same category as “Prince Player”?? It’s because he’s showing all the signs “Prince Player” showed when he was interested in me.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now because of that other guy” I told him in reference to my last partner who emotionally abused me.

“I understand” he said.

But that conversion was 6 months ago.

Gasp. It is so like fate to have Yassin move back to Boston just as I am graduating. But I don’t like Yassin in the way. He’s just a great pediatrician who loves children as much as I do.  But I like how he always checks up on me and supports my work around sexual assault.

And what about “Prince Player” jesus.

I close my eyes. I think way too much on my periods.

xoxo. S.

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