My Dilemma

Hi readers,

I hope you had a nice weekend! I am struggling.

Once again, this year, I was one of the 6 individuals chosen to speak at my school’s annual show. I’m not the keynote like last year (but there isn’t any of those this year anyway!), but my talk is a lot more personal than the one I gave last year.

I am talking about sexual assault. My experience with it and the extensive research I have done about it.

My mother is not happy. We went back and forth about it for days. She said I shouldn’t share something so personal. That this was supposed to be a family secret.

I said, “I’m sorry mom, I can’t do that. It’s because we don’t talk about it that this keeps happening in our family and other faith communities”.

She said she doesn’t agree with me, but supports me.

I hurt. I am proud of myself. I know that while I was going through this in my life, if one woman or man talked about experiencing this, I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed and would have asked for help sooner.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to pull myself out of this event, I know I am one of the main speakers and I will get to have lunch with the school’s Dean if I give a good talk!!! That would be a huge honor for me. If not that, I will still inspire many. I can stop it from happening to others. Or I can help others who have experienced this.

I also know that I am 23. And that it is not my mother’s choice. I was chosen, this is a sign that I need to do this.

Right?

I could really use a hug from “Prince Player” now :((((((

And that shows how anxious and sad I am.

xoxo. S.

20 thoughts on “My Dilemma

  1. I think you should speak. You’re right, that someone else may benefit from your experience, albeit a horrible one. It’s terrible that you had to endure what you did. But there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were the victim. Wasn’t your choice to have that happen. 😊

  2. There is no question you should speak – and you hit the nail on the head when you said that if people don’t talk about events like this they remain hidden. Just remember that abuse flourishes in shame and secrecy. Wishing you strength and courage.

  3. It is hard to share your story, but worth doing it. Your mom doesn’t have to be there if she’s uncomfortable with the idea. I’ve written about my assaults, but not publicly spoken about them. It is empowering because you have the power to control your narrative.

    • Jen, thank you so much ❤ And thank you for sharing that with me. It has given me much needed strength 🙂 I am not sure if you are active on Facebook or Instagram, but today, women who have been affected by sexual assault or harassment shared a status that said "me too". This signified just how large the issue is. So thank you for writing about them, and thank you for giving me more courage to speak 🙂

  4. I agree, you should speak. You never know who will be listening and who can benefit from your experience. Turn something horrible that happened to you into something positive for someone else. You will be amazing!

  5. Remember when I wrote about missing school and you read it and it had an impact on you? This is your opportunity to do the same for someone else. Someone you don’t even know needs to hear your story. Tell it. You won’t regret it.

  6. It is always so liberating to share your stories with other because you really never know how many other people are going through similar situations as you.
    I have found that with my blog posts, although I am writing for myself most of the time, so many people come up to me afterwards, to explain to me how they relate to what I wrote. It is usually in different ways but it is always in ways that made sense.
    You are never alone in your predicaments and sharing your story may yet encourage another person to share theirs or get out of a toxic environment.

  7. The more who speak up, the more courage others gain to also speak up. Please share, especially now while such BIG conversations and movements are happening. ❤

  8. I’d bet that it is hard for a mother to watch her daughter relive something so terrifying. I’m sure she is just trying to protect you, and help you move forward. She may not understand that moving forward is easier for you, when you’re able to release it all. and if that isn’t the case – and you are doing this solely for the good of other’s around you; too scared; too alone; then more power to you. I stand by you on this one, and wish you luck on meeting the Dean!
    .xo.

    • Yes, absolutely Myka. That is how she was feeling. But nevertheless, I did the talk and it went so well- AND I get to meet with the Dean!!! Unfortunately right after, I got thrown into midterms and have my hardest one Friday so I haven’t had a chance to write about it. But I will 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words!!

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