Since I Left

It’s been one year and one week since I left Chicago.

Maybe that’s why Prince Player and I have been talking. When we spoke a week ago, I thought, it was just him checking up on me. But for once, he’s been responding to my funny snapchats and my musings about my coffee addiction. It’s like old times. Like really really old times. Like when we first met old times.

“Did you finish the ticks report?” Jesus. I nearly drop my phone.

It’s Tony. My colleague in the health department. I am using my snack break to chat with player.

“No not yet” I say smiling at my phone.

“Who are you messaging?” he asks.

“The one that got away” I say dramatically.

I tell him a little bit about me and player and how we had to say goodbye when I left for Boston a year ago.

“So aren’t you technically the one that got away?” he asks.

My eyes widen. “NOOOOO. No. No. No. Well yes. But. I’m still here. He’s taken!”

“Ah. Must be rough” Tony says.

I sigh. “He’s happy. Happier than I could have ever made him. And that is all that matters” I say.

“Are you happy?” Tony asks.

Am I? “Yes! Of course I’m happy. I go to a good school and am working my dream job. I have a family who adores me and a roof over my head. I am happy” I say.

“Okay” Tony says shrugging. “We better get going. We have a 3:00 with the couple.”

I nod. In my new job, for one of my projects I’ve been working with teens and college students dealing with anxiety, ADHD, and depression. One client has brought in her boyfriend. She’s upset that he is choosing to move on from her during this time and seeing other people.

“Do you think it’s easy for me? You’re always sad! I don’t like seeing you like this. I ask you how you feel and you just sit there” the boyfriend says.

“Because I have anxiety! Do you know what it’s like? And then you go and do this and it’s not helping one bit!” the girlfriend says.

“But I always check up on you. I may not want to be in a relationship with you right now, but I’m always here. No matter if we’re together or not” he says.

I sigh. This all sounds familiar.

When I apologized to player a few months ago for the role my anxiety and my ADHD played in our relationship, I didn’t mean it. But, since I left Chicago, I have matured a great deal. And I can see things that were invisible before. Such as, although player’s choices were not something I agreed with, it is understandable he felt the way he felt. We ignore the partners of mental health victims a lot.

I close my eyes. Yes, player made me sad sometimes. *Ahem* cue How my last year college turned out to be like my first year of college (Pretty, Part 2). But I know he didn’t mean it. Or at least didn’t mean it in the way I thought he meant it. and most importantly.  with the exception of our freshman year, he always checked up on me after a fight. Always. He could have walked away like all the other guys did. But he didn’t. He always checked up on me. He always believed that I could mature and be tough one day.

Oh my god. I owe player a real apology. I take my phone back out when the couple leaves.

I tell player I have something to say. He responds immediately asking what’s up.

I explain a little bit about my project at work. And how it made me realize how much he was there for me over the past few years even though it probably wasn’t easy for him considering the way I was acting. And that I have matured a great deal since I have left, and that I’m sorry if I let my oversensitivity kick in and made him feel like the bad guy.  I just liked him in my life and I didn’t want to lose him. And that it means the  world to me that we were able to overcome our past and we can still check up on each other. Finally, I thank him for never giving up on me. Thanks to him and my friends who were there for whichever occasion I had a meltdown, I am alive and more successful than I have ever been.

I sigh and press send. He opens it immediately. It’s okay if he doesn’t respond I say to myself. It must be a lot to take in.

But he does respond! And ever so kindly.

He thanks me and says that’s really nice. That it takes a lot of maturity to admit something like that. And that I shouldn’t put it on myself, because we both played a role. He admits that he didn’t handle things maturely and that he just cares a lot about our friendship and he has a bad was of showing that sometimes. Finally, he says thank you for caring about him.

I smile. This is what I always liked about me and player. We just get each other.

We continue talking and on Saturday, he sends me a picture of my old apartment! He says he hasn’t been there in a long time.

Yea no kidding. Since I left.

I asked if it’s giving him memories.

He said yes.

:/

We continue chatting through the weekend and today. Today, I went to Chipotle for dinner and snapped a pic. He sent me a pic of his dinner that he made himself. IT LOOKED GOOD.

“I’ve acquired some skills since you left :)” he says.

I laugh. “It seems like you acquired everything after I left lol” I say.

“Haha that’s true” he says.

Wow. “It’s like I just stepped outside, when everything was going right.”

I sigh. I have cried twice in a Chipotle over a guy. He’s not gonna be number three.

“You only lost one thing when I left” I say.

And he doesn’t respond.

Sigh.

“You may be one thing, but you are a BIG thing” Sidekick reminds me.

Sigh.

Welp. Prince Player and I will just have to be like Dean and Rory.

No, Dean was not a smart boy. Player is really smart.

Player and I will have to be like Jess and Rory.

No, Jess was a really bad boy. Player is not..well never mind he isn’t Jess.

Player and I will have to be like Logan and Rory.

No, Logan was annoying. Player is not.

Why am I even making Gilmore Girls references?

It is very obvious that, we are always gonna be like Alicia Florrick and Will Gardner. Two workaholics. Two very smart, passionate, funny, wine loving people.

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I also have a mother that’s as quirky as Alicia’s mom 🙂

xoxo. S.

 

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2 thoughts on “Since I Left

  1. Okay here me out….so as I was reading this I was wondering what Player would title his blog post if he were to write his version of this same post, and by the end I settled on “Since You Been Gone”.

    Haha sorry, just had to get that out. My mind is weird.

    By the sounds of it, the things you’ve gone through in your life have prepared you to help others in your line of work. That’s great!

    Last thing, a couple weeks ago you commented on an old comment of mine on one of your posts where you said you just saw it then. I got the notification and was going to reply, but then I got sidetracked and it got pushed out of my notifications so now I don’t know what you commented on!

    • Lol!!!!!!! That just made my whole day. I would have loved to read that post. Or would I?🙊

      This is true 🙂 I always believed everything happens for a reason!!

      Yea I like to read old posts and comments- and I notice sometimes that I didn’t respond!! It could be during the time I just “liked” it and when I saw it years later it provoked a reaction in me and I have to comment lol. But idk which comment it was either!!!

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