Lovebug

“Hi lovebug <3″

I can’t believe “Prince Player” just called me “lovebug”. Lovebug is a name that I only save for people I really really really like.

I shrug.

I continue chatting with him as I do every Thursday night when I suddenly remember this is no t undergrad and I actually have school the next day.

As usual, we talk about how much we miss each other.

And he suddenly says “Sorry if that was weird” to something he just said.

14100483_877760692359768_8092744571122953931_nI shake my head. We are adults. I’ve known him for four years. Why is player apologizing. He should know by now there’s no boundaries with me.

“It wasn’t weird. Why would you think that’s weird?” I ask.

He never responds.

Fine. I put my phone away. I have more important things to worry about anyway.

Such as my mom having her surgery today while I was in class.

2 weeks ago:

“Shahz. You remember that lump I was telling you about over the summer?” my mom asks.

“Yea…” I remember my mom telling me. I was focused on my own lump to notice.

“Um well. I need to get it removed. Like, it’s more serious than yours was. I saw the surgeon and he said I need to get it out ASAP”.

I raise my eyebrows.

What. the. fuck.

“Oh my god mom. When?”

“The day before you dad’s birthday. Right before Columbus day weekend begins” she says.

I sigh. The week of all my exams. The week where flight tickets are so expensive.

“I’ll come home”.

“Are you nuts?? Stay there. This isn’t a big deal!”

It is a huge fucking deal. And I can’t believe I won’t be there.

So last night, I talk to my dad on the phone.

“You better take good care of her dad” I say.

“I will Shaz. I took time off of work. Please please please focus on your exams. Everything will be okay” he says.

Great.

So I go to class today and I can’t pay attention one bit.

I keep texting my dad for updates and the Professor gives me looks.

My group members ask me what I think as we do group work, but I am oh so rude asking “what do I think about what?” and giving unhelpful answers.

I should have remembered that they will be evaluating me soon and it is worth 15% of my grade.

Everyone is so happy and I sit in the corner upset.

Because all I can do is think about my mom.

The first person who called me lovebug.

Finally towards the end of class, I get the text from my dad that everything went well and Mom is awake from surgery.

I’m about to sigh the biggest sigh of relief.

And then I read.

“They have to send it in for biopsy though”.

Oh no.

“But she’ll be okay. Can you call your aunts and grandparents and let them know she’s out of surgery?”

I tell him I will.

My classmates start getting ready to leave and I get invited to go out with them. They are going to view the Boston skyline and grab drinks.

“Come on Shaz! Akash will be there!” my friend Catherine says.

I laugh and shake my head. “I really can’t. My mom just got out of surgery and I’m super worried. I just want to go home and chill and keep checking on her you know? It already sucked that I couldn’t go home and had to come to class…” I say.

Her face falls. “Oh my god. Do you need a hug?” she asks.

I nod.

“It will be okay. We can always go out next weekend” she says.

I thank her for being understanding.

I stay in my apartment all night. I watch some Good Wife and mope.

Everyone told me I shouldn’t worry about being far from home, because nothing will happen.

Well now. I am far from home. And something did happen.

I message “Prince Player”.

Surely he may have experience with this. He’s the only other person I know that is super close to his family, a 4 hours flight to his family, and goes home for holidays only. Like me (well now at least).

I ask him how he’s feeling as he had a cold last time we spoke.

He says he’s better but has a sore threat. And then asked how I’m feeling.

“I’m not okay” I say.

He sends me a sad emoji.10537020_658947840907722_3894556509998511892_n

“How do you stay calm when you are from your family, and something serious is happening at home?” I ask.

“I wish I had the answer. Praying I guess” he says.

How easy things were.

When I was small.

Saw my mom everyday.

And the only thing I was upset about was her calling me a lovebug when I was a big girl.

Lovebug.

xoxo. S.

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