I touch up my blush and eyeliner. It feels nice to be getting ready for a guy.
“The Cellist” knocks. He smiles when I open the door. He leans and goes for my lips, but when I give him a look he kisses my cheek instead and laughs.
I ask him how rehearsal was and he says it was good.
He outs his cello down and stares at my view. “Wow” he says.
“I know” I say.
I go up to him. “So…what were you thinking about me?”
He sits down and looks deeply into my eyes. “I was just…thinking about our date…and how beautiful you are”.
I smile. And I look away.
We talk more about our day. How stressful grad school is for us. And more for him because he is a traveling musician.
We also talk about how he is a Libra and I’m a Sagittarius.
“Ooooo my dad’s a Libra” I tell him.
He laughs. “Is that a good or bad thing?”
I shrug. “I think it’s good”. We read a description on my phone. About how Libra’s and Sagittarius’s both like the finer things in life, fancy places, expensive things, always dress nice, are spontaneous, love adventures, are classy, and more.
“Oooo it says you avoid confrontation. Oh my god so if we have a fight you won’t talk to me anymore?” I ask.
He nods. “Yep. Absolutely true”.
Little did I know that tidbit would be helpful.
I scroll down to “Libra in Love”. “Oh my gosh. It says ‘don’t be surprised if your Libra man surprises you with roses on the bed and champagne in the moonlight’. You would do that for me?” I ask.
He nods and smiles. “Yea. That I would”.
I look into his eyes. And then he looks into mine.
And his lips touch mine.
And everything went downhill from there.
When it’s all done he nibbles on my cheek. “You’re so cute. I just want to eat your face”.
I laugh. So many guys I told that to, and they never said it back. But he actually does.
But this isn’t good. I look away.
“So. Um. We should be friends.This is it okay. I think this is the last time we should see each other”.
He looks shocked. “What why?”
“I don’t know. I’m too attached to you and we can’t do this. We need to be friends” I say.
He begins to kiss me again. “What kind of friends?” he asks smiling.
I pull my face away and put my hand on his chest. “No. This isn’t a good idea”.
I sit down. He gets ready to go.
He stops. “You act like we’re never going to see each other again. Don’t act like that” he says laughing.
“You’ll find another beautiful girl with big boobs don’t worry” I say.
He shakes his head and laughs. “It’s not about the boobs, come on”.
We laugh. He says some more things.
I just can’t wait for him to leave and I don’t know why. Finally he’s all ready to go and I walk him to my door.
“Can I just make out with you one last time?” he asks.
I laugh. So it happens. And he leaves.
I Facetime “Mr. Photography dude” because he’s been texting.
“So how did it go?” Sidekick asks sitting next to him.
“I broke up with him” I say.
“What why??” Mr. Photography dude asks shocked.
“Because. I think he expects more” I say.
“What are you talking about? Wait. Shahz. No. Did you two hook up???” he asks.
I stay quiet.
“Oh no. Oh no” Sidekick begins.
“It was all his idea! I was only cuddling and he began all this!” I say.
“Okay okay. What kind are we talking about. Was it a Denver hookup. A Miami hookup. A Vegas hookup. A Chicago Hookup. What?” Mr. Photography dude asks.
I laugh. We like to code hookups using names of places I lived in/we all love.
I swallow. “Miami” I say quietly.
“OH MY GOD! You. Shahz oh my god. It’s only like your guy’s second date!” Sidekick says.
Mr. Photography dude looks at him. “Shhh at least it wasn’t Vegas”. He looks at me, “Are you okay?”
I look down. “Yea…”
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I look at him. He can tell. That I didn’t really want or expect any of this.
“I think you did the right thing” he says.
So we all go to sleep.
And when I wake up the next morning I realize this huge mistake that I made. I think about how he texted me everyday, texts back fast, loves to see me dressed up, loves to take me to expensive places, always reminds me I’m beautiful, doesn’t think I’m high maintenance. Actually treats me like a princess. Never makes me feel lonely. I loved every moment with “The Cellist”.
Fuck. I made a mistake.
I text him. Wishing him luck in his show. And that we should talk.
But he never responds.
And this is why I don’t date. I make rash decisions, that I regret later.
“Shit this is how ‘Heart’ and ‘Prince Player’ must feel after they dump me and realize they want me back. But I actually take them back” I tell Mr. Photography dude as I moped all week.
“Yes that’s what happens when you friend-zone a guy” Sidekick says.
“Oh shut up. She doesn’t owe her body to anybody. She should be with someone that respects her more” Mr. Photography dude says.
I smile. He is so sweet.
“I don’t know what happened last night. I just panicked. With moving to a new city, and new school, and all of this with a new guy- it just felt like a lot. I just want to be in his arms again. And be out with him again. Oh my god what do I do. I’m so stupid” I say.
“No Shahz. No. You don’t. You feel this way with every guy you meet. Find someone else” he says.
“How?” I ask.
He laughs. “Is that a joke? You got 5 guys interested in you in the past week and 2 dates. By the end of next week, you’ll probably have a lot more guys and maybe a new date” he says.
I say he’s weird.
But he was right.
(to be continued)