I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since my last year of college begin. Aside from working, taking 5 classes, and studying for the GRE- it was a really memorable time. In love and friends.
I still remember what “Prince Player” said during our first fiasco this year. “This is so small! There are more important things than our relationship!” I was sad that day. I didn’t know what he meant. To me, people and the relationships I have with them are everything.
But on Tuesday, as I sat in the doctor’s office, I knew. That player was right. There were more important things!
Such as being 22, young, and happy, and finding a lump right before you’re about to move to a new city and accomplish the dream you worked so hard for.
I breathe in and out. I think about the day before. On Monday, my dad took me to my favorite restaurant. He doesn’t really like the place, but I do. When we were done, he put his arm around me and smiled, “Are you happy?” he asked. I sigh. “Of course Daddy”. My whole family knew I was anxious and tired of being sick, they were doing small things to cheer me up.
My mom told me everyone was praying for me.
“You told grandma and all my aunts?” I ask.
“Well gosh Shahz. I had to let it out. It’s hard for me too you know” she says.
I squeeze her hand. “I know, how did they take it?”
She shakes her head. “Not good. You know, they were all excited for you. And then this. We’re all disappointed”.
I hug her. “It’s all going to be okay, mama”.
I’m nervous Tuesday. All the classical music playing in the office is not calming at all. I start praying again. I tell God that if I’m okay, I’ll take better care of myself. I’ll stop doing things I don’t want for people. I won’t push myself beyond my limit. I’ll stop staying up for guys that don’t want me the way I want them. I won’t-
I stop praying.
Dr. Hart, the radiologist has arrived. I breathe.
“So yes. The lump is still there, I could feel it. But I don’t see anything on the ultrasound. Your platelets were high as Dr. Clark said, so maybe your body was just fighting off an infection. It is fading. I don’t see any cause to take it out. Just keep an eye on it and keep taking ibuprofen three times a day”.
I’m so happy I could cry. Bless. Bless. Bless.
The nurse fills out the paperwork.
“You’re leaving for Boston Monday right?” she asks.
I smile and nod.
“Good luck! We’ll be rooting for you!” she says.
I smile even bigger and thank her. I am so blessed.
I find my mom and tell her the good news. She smiles bigger than I do. “Let’s go buy some things for you to take to Boston!”
“Can I have like 5? I have a few calls to make…” I say.
She gives me a look. I smile at her. “Ah” she says winking.
After calling my dad and brother, I call Mr. Photography dude. “I’m good” I say.
“Oh thank god. Yasmeen and I were worried sick during the training!” he says.
I laugh. So I call Yasmeen next. “I’m good” I say again.
“I am so so happy for you love! Thank goodness” she says.
I smile. And then I call my mentor. He recently got his MPH and knows how important it is to me.
“Yes!!! Thank goodness! See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about!”
I smile and go find me mom.
“Now you gotta call my family and dad’s family” she says.
Oh goodness. She calls her mom (my grandma) first and hands the phone to me.
“Oh my gosh Shahz! You gave us all a scare didn’t you?” she asks.
I laugh. “Grandma. I told you not to worry about me!”
“How am I supposed to not worry about you? You were my first granddaughter! My baby! I love you, Shahz”.
Aw. I speak with my aunt (from dad’s side) next. She has a history of this issue and knows the pain.
“Thank god Shahz. Now that that’s over. Try to de-stress and relax now. Please” she says.
I promise her I will. And then I promise myself.
I shop a little and go to dance class.
When I get home, I think a lot about the promise I made to God. About being better to myself. I’m going to do it this year for sure.
Any self-care tips? Comment below!
Thanks to all of my readers for being supportive this past week. The e-mails I got from you, comments you left me, all of it, kept me going. I truly believe all our positive thoughts is what helped me feel better! I love you all, with all my heart. Boston here we go!