Worth It 

“Are you excited?” Mr. Photography dude asks when I answer my FaceTime call this morning.

“For what?” I ask rubbing my eyes.

“A month from now…you’ll have moved and officially be a resident of Boston!!!” he says.

Oh. Yea. That.

It’s crazy. I still can’t believe it. I tell him.

He tells me to believe it already. That I deserve this. To be happy.

Then Sidekick pops in for a bit. He updates me on his new awesome job and asks me the same questions.

“Any word from player?” he wants to know.

My eyes widen. I’ve been so caught up with the move, any time I think about how much I miss him or anyone else, I just think about something related to the move.

“No actually” I say.

“That’s sad. Considering how close you two were last summer” he says.

I laugh. “He said he talked to me then because he was ‘lonely’ remember? I’d rather him talk to me because he wants to” I say sadly.

“Oh yea I forgot all about that!” he says.

“Yea. I’d totally do last summer again though. Because this summer was lame” I say.

“You’d rather be working 16 hours a day 7 days a week?” Mr. Photography dude says getting back on the screen.

I have flashbacks of teaching my students Chemistry and Physics and watching them 24/7. And not being given a day off. Even when I was sick. “Oh yea. No I guess not”.

Sidekick shakes his head. “She means that talking to Prince Player every night after work was worth it fool” he tells Mr. Photography dude.

He rolls his eyes and looks at me. “Let it go.”

“Trying” I say.

I hear the doorbell ring so I hang up. There’s a package for me! I’ve been ordering a lot of stuff to take with me to Boston. This package happened to be from Famous Footwear.

I pulled out my new black pumps. They looked great!

My mom tells me to go put on a dress so she can “see how well the pumps go” with it.

So I do. I wear my favorite maroon hourglass dress I wear to events I make speeches at. I put on my new pumps and walk down the stairs.

My mom’s eyes widen. “Wow!! You look amazing honey!!”

I smile and agree. We gush over how 5 feet 1 inch me is suddenly 4 inches taller and look so beautiful.

As I strut and keep talking to myself in the mirror, I notice her staring blankly at me.

“Mom?” I turn to her.

“Huh? What?” she asks snapping out of whatever she was thinking.

I laugh. “Are you okay mama? You look like you’re thinking about something”.

She shrugs it off like its no big deal.

This is so unlike her. She’s always open with me. What is she hiding from me. “What is it?”

She continues to look me up and down. “I was thinking. I was thinking my daughter is so stunning and smart, and she settles for men that don’t want commitment and little jobs that don’t pay her enough” she says.

My jaw drops. This past year, she’s been depressed and hasn’t shared a lot of her feelings.

I didn’t know if I should be happy that she opened up or sad that she feels the way she does.

I close my mouth. “How do you know that mom? About the guys?”

She looks me dead in the eye. “I’m your mom” she says.

And then we stare at each other and begin laughing.

She looks at me and sighs. “Promise me you will find someone nice in Boston. And you get a job that pays well and gives you enough credit for what you do. Because you’re worth it“.

My heart melts. “I’ll try” I say.

FullSizeRender(2)It’s crazy how my summer, the last summer I’ll ever get to spend doing nothing is almost over. It’s crazy that I just got my diploma and I still can’t believe I graduated 2 months ago. Its crazy how expensive rent is in Boston. It’s crazy how many loans I have to take for tuition. Its crazy, how I may have to work a lot even though I have 5 classes to take my first semester. It’s crazy that I still can’t let anything about college go. It’s crazy how a lot of things I hope happened during undergrad, didn’t.

Who knew, that relocating would drive you crazy. I hope this move is worth it.

xoxo. S.

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