Well. It’s over, and I’m back! I never leave my blog alone for more than 3 days…unless I’m really busy.
And oh goodness- this finals week was just that. I told everyone including my wonderful club and executive board to leave me alone until my Microbio exam was over. All the other finals I was confident about, but this one- not so much. They all respected my wishes, but after I finished that exam on Wednesday, I did not feel so good about it. I couldn’t believe it. I spent 20 hours a week on it, paid over $1000 for tutoring, cut so many distractions I love- all for me to get a 69% in the class. Yes. 1 percent away from what I needed to pass 😦
I skyped with my friends today to share the news.
“Well….I hate to say this…but I seriously think this is all a sign that you are meant to take the teaching organization’s offer and get your master’s in Education. Because that’s what your best at” Mr. Photography dude says.
I shake my head. “But I’m really good at Public Health Policy and Public Health Education which is all the Master’s programs I have applied to!” I say.
“Have you heard back from any one of them?” Sidekick asks.
I cross my arms. “No….” I say.
They both look away. “Come on you guys…I haven’t even told my dad about the position yet” I say.
“Well. You eventually have to. Graduation is coming really soon!” Mr. Photography dude says.
Gulp. What in the world will I do after graduation. The more days that pass, the more I realize I am not ready to graduate.
After the exam, I finally get back to my executive board about all the updates.
I call Harris first and talk about the inquiry I received.
At first, he ever so kindly says, “Well. You’re the President now, it’s your call”. But after I explained the inquiry, he had something else to say.
“Well, you can tell her to go f— herself” he says immediately.
I swallow. “Okay then”.
“Don’t ‘okay then’ me habibti! We cannot partner with this girl’s organization! I am Palestinian. They took my culture, they took my food, they took my clothes, they took my land- and they called it their own. No. Fuck no Shahz. No. Tell her. We are not partnering with them!”
I take a deep breath. What. Have. I. Gotten. Myself. Into??
“You want me to tell her no Shahz? I can tell her!” he says.
I say that’s okay and I will take care of it. I see where Harris is coming from, but me saying what he said- will not be ethical at all. I talk to the rest of my board. We agree that we are an apolitical organization, and for that reason, we will have to decline. This is reasonable.
I call Mr. Photography dude to update him on Harris’s thoughts. “Holy shit” he says.
I sigh. “Yep” I say.
“You know what this means” he says laughing.
I laugh to myself. “Yea”. I can’t tell ‘Heart’ about it. If this is how Harris feels, there is no way I can ask “Heart” what he thinks.
I could tell “Heart” was interested in seeing me before I left for break, but honestly, I wanted no part in it. He hasn’t showed much attention to me this year, and that is the fastest way to drive me away. Some people like the chase, but I don’t. And I didn’t want to provoke any feelings in him, by asking him to talk to me about this. Even though it would just be “President to President”. So I keep it between me and my club. Good lord, being President is hard.
The rest of my finals went really well. It keeps getting harder to except the fact that I am graduating in less than 3 months. Probably because I just can’t seem to pass the one class I need to graduate :0 Sigh. How will I balance this again with everything else that’s going on next quarter??