I woke up Friday feeling a teensy bit better. I have finally let go of player’s “I wish it didn’t happen” text and I knew I gave Thursday’s event my absolute best.
I feel my phone buzz twice. The first is from the Treasurer of my club.
“I talked to Harris, and he is willing to give you his President position next quarter. He agreed that you’re doing all the work and was actually happy about handing it to you! Congrats Miss President!!!” I pull the blankets over my head. Say what now :0 I don’t know if our little “date” changed something between us, but I suddenly don’t want to be President anymore. I don’t want to take Harris’s position.
I check the other text. Holy shit. It’s “Heart”!
He has sent me a cute emoji. I laugh. When we were seeing each other, and I wanted to talk to him without feeling needy, I would just send him an emoji. And now he is sending me the emoji…What does he want?
“Come over :)” he says. Christ :0 No. I’m still not over the mistake I made last Sunday.
“Sorry boo boo, I can’t” I say. He asks why. I tell him he is far. Which is not a total lie. He wasn’t on campus and he lives far away. But then I feel bad, so I tell him he should come here and we can go get our beer.
“No…I was just thinking we can make food and chill” he says.
Wait what :0 Since when do we make food and chill. I laugh so much to myself. We agree that we’re both busy and it’ll have to wait for another day.
The next day when I see Mr. Photography dude, Sidekick, and “Z” as we go to the movies- we try to solve this.
“Shit. Do you think he knows what I did last Sunday? Or that Harris took me out for a $40 dinner on Wednesday? Is that why???” I ask.
They all disagree.
“Maybe he saw how hot you looked at the event last night and was like ‘Damn! I gotta have her back'” Z says. I laugh. I doubt it. I still feel like I stumbled through my speech.
“Maybe he got jealous when those boys called you cute!” Sidekick says. Doubt it again.
“He probably want to get to know you better again. Like the way you guys used to be” Mr. Photography dude says.
I look up. “Keep talking” I say.
“Honestly. I think when you guys saw each other last night, he probably remembered meeting you at one of these events a few years ago. All these memories came back and suddenly- he realized, ‘Shit! Shahz is leaving soon and I’ve got to spend time with her the right way while she’s still here!’ he says.
“He had his chance” I say.
“Give him another one. You’ve given ‘Prince Player’ a million chances” he says.
My jaw drops.
I recline into my movie theater seat. “Yea. Well I didn’t love him” I say. “I lusted him” I say putting popcorn in my mouth.
He bursts out laughing. “What the fuck Shahz? You wierdo. Did you guys hear what she said. She says she lusted him!”
They tell us to shush as the movie is starting. It isn’t as great as I thought it would be. We watched “How to Be Single”. And shit, I didn’t learn anything new! I hated it. And I don’t even hate rom-coms. At one point a song that sounds a lot like the song “Prince Player” told me to listen to a whole ago begins playing. I look at Mr. Photography dude.
“Don’t worry, it’s not the same song” he whispers.
I sigh and smile at him.
When we’re done, “Z” comes home with me. “I’m such an idiot. I just gave into player that day because I was really vulnerable and upset with everything around me. And then on Wednesday, I got drunk with Harris. And then last night, I don’t even remember. I lost all control of myself this week” I tell her.
“You do have control. That’s why you rejected ‘Heart’ twice this week! And trust me, you didn’t drink a thing your Freshman and Sophomore year. Make up for that time now if you wish” she says letting me lay in her lap.
I laugh. “But still. I just lost control this week” I say.
“Oh Shahz. It’s okay. Nobody’s perfect” she says.
I suddenly remember what Harris told me on Wednesday.
“I am imperfectly perfect!” I told him proudly thinking about a quote I one posted.
“No you’re not. You’re perfectly imperfect” he said.
I was oh so offended. But right now, it makes sense. He thinks I’m perfect despite my 1,000 imperfections.
I smile. They are both right. “But maybe. If you can just forgive yourself for your first mistake, you can prevent yourself from making a lot of other ones” she says referring to my list.
And that is when I learned the truth about mistakes. Life goes on.
Life went on this week after Sunday. I did well on one of my exams, I talked to “Heart”, and I went out a few times. Life went on after my not so good “date” with Harris. He makes a good Vice President (yes I’m accepting the role of President 😉 and we threw a great event. Life went on after the speech I stumbled through. People still congratulated me and ‘Heart’ wanted to talk to me!
Mistakes are similar to what my father said about “hardships”. They’re changeable. Maybe not the mistake itself, but what you do afterwords to fix it.