Mistake (Hardships continued)

Monday morning: “I’m so sorry….” It’s a text from player. I literally cuss and mumble out of bed. Not because of the text, but because I have to get to a meeting- out of all mornings 😦

Last night after I landed from Houston, I unpacked and slept a little. My weekend was a lot of fun and I got to take care of the stuff at home I needed to. But I was very tired because my flight was at 7:00 and I barely got any sleep the night before.

After I woke up, I had a conference call with my executive board about our event on Thursday. It is our poetry night, the biggest event of the quarter. Lots of big people will be there and I am oh so nervous. The call is heated as we try to put a list of performers and decide who will be giving the keynote speech. The vote is split between me and Harris. So we agree to do it together. And then, our other board member, *Mary was not too pleased with the decision. She wanted to speak as well. So the board decides we should all speak :0 For Christ’s sake. This event is my baby. Harris obviously has to speak because he is the President. *Mary? She’s just our event planner who doesn’t do anything. I shake my head to myself. I call Mr. Photography dude afterwords to ask him if he can take photos for the event. He happily agrees. He asks me how my flight and trip was, I tell him it was great.

“Doesn’t it feel nice to be back and just chill…and not be waiting for some guy to come and see you?” Mr. Photography dude asks.

I sigh. Too soon. Way too soon. Player and I still haven’t talked. “No” I say.

He laughs. “It’s okay. You guys will talk soon.”

He suggests I text player as we haven’t seen each other in almost 2 months. But I’m afraid to text him because I have no idea what I would say.

But, we did chat briefly as I sent a bunch of my friends Snapchats throughout the day and he was included. This sparked a chat between us, but I didn’t really think much of it.

I start getting into bed and doing my usual (when I don’t have a test on Monday morning) Sunday routine. I pour a glass of wine and watch Grey’s anatomy. An hour or so later, I find out that “Prince Player” is watching it too! And drinking wine :0 I tell player. “Come over” he says. I nearly drop my wine glass. I think he’s serious. I look at the clock, 10:30. It’s kind of late…but…my roommates aren’t home and I don’t think it’s the best idea if I invite player to hang out instead. So I start getting ready.

As  I head out, I get a call from my board again (no Harris) needing to discuss logistics for Thursday. I’m a few minutes into the call when I realize I am standing in the middle of nowhere. I got oh so distracted by my phone call and the cold…that I get lost. I suddenly get anxiety. Anxiety that I am now late, freezing, and it is almost 11 and I am standing alone on a deserted street in Chicago :0 I quickly call an Uber before I panic.

A few minutes later, I am finally at “Prince Player’s” place. I quickly hang up the phone and send out as many texts as I can for the event logistics.

“Hello” I hear someone say. I look up from my phone. And up the stairs. It’s “Prince Player”.

I smile. When I get to him, he mumbles fast. “Hey I know it’s been a while. Can I have a hug?” Okay…I hug. It’s a very tight hug.

He mumbles some more. “And I’m like really drunk right now. I just had a lot of wine. Are you drunk too?”

I wipe the guilty smile off my face. “Yes” I say laughing. I apologize for being late and he says he’s the one that feels bad and that I didn’t have to call an Uber and what not.

“It’s fine” I shrug my shoulders. My parents would be more comfortable with me taking a quick Uber than walking alone for 15 minutes at night. Hell, I don’t think they would be proud either way if I knew where I was going :0

Anyways, we sit on the couch and I’m immediately drawn into Grey’s Anatomy. Player FullSizeRender(14)seems to have lost focus on that. Because all of a sudden we are sitting oh so close and cuddling each other. It actually feels nice. “I’m sorry I’m a douchebag” he says. And he’s about to kiss me. I turn my face away.

“Should we talk first?” he asks.

“Yea” I say reaching to hold his hand. But he moves it away. Okay then…he wants to kiss me but doesn’t want to hold my hand.

I keep my hand on my thigh. “Why’d you call me Princess? I’m not” I say.

He looks at me sincerely. “I know, you’re not. But like. I was trying talk to you and you weren’t telling me how you were feeling” he says.

“Because I was upset! I was like in shock, I couldn’t speak…” I explain.

And then it seems our conversation won’t go much further than that. Because then, playerFullSizeRender(14) randomly says he missed me. And then I admit that I missed him too.And then, I sink into him. I forget about all the problems we had and all the things that upset me during the day.

“Do you want to know why I said what I said that day?” he asks out of the blue. At first I say no. Because I’m afraid of the answer. But then I tell him “yes”. I want to know.

My phone rings. Player grabs it for me. It’s Harris. Shit, I should probably get that. But, I gotta take care of this first. “It’s okay” I say. He puts it down.

“I said it because I sensed you were getting feelings for me…and I was getting feelings for you too. And we can’t have that” he says.

I sigh. Of course. “So…we had a fight to break up?” I ask laughing.

“Yes…and now we’re making up” player says. I can’t control my laughter. The rest of our interaction goes like this. We talk. We’re intertwined in each other. We talk. We’re intertwined.

And then. Player’s saying some mean things.

Somebody is drunk. It’s both of us. But one of us is certainly drunker than the other.

“How’s your boyfriend?” he asks. Why does player always do this…”I don’t have one. I’m not a douchebag like you” I say pushing back from him.

“That’s too bad. You would make a good player!” he says. He lists a few reasons why. Mostly about how I have a nice this, and a nice that. It’s gross. But I decide to play his game.

“How do you know I’m not already playing the field?” I say lifting my chin.

“You should! It’s fun!” player says. Oy ve. This is just not a game I will win. Soon, as player continues his remarks I just give up. I have to get going for both of our sake’s anyways.

I grab my shirt, and realize it’s his. I toss it to him. What. Have. I. Done. FullSizeRender(11)

“You knew this was going to happen right?” he asks.

“No” I say shaking my head.

Player is shocked. I mean…I wanted it to….But hell I just thought we would watch our show together. He asks if we’re ending on a good note. I say yes. Everything we did was mutual and we cleared the air. I’m good.

He politely walks with me to where I understand how to get to my place on my own. “Text me when you get home” he says laughing. It doesn’t even seem like he cares. “Oh, I won’t” I say not even smiling. But we hug goodbye and I get on my way.

I call Harris back. I pray that he answers because I don’t want to walk this deserted street alone. He picks up on the last ring.

“Baiwa!” he says.

I laugh.

“How was your night?” he asks.

“I’m not sure…I think I made a mistake.”

xoxo. S.

(to be continued)

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