Monday evening- Ever since “Prince Player” did what he did a few years ago on Valentine’s Day (or at least what I thought he did on that day) I started a project the following year. I had felt very crappy on that cold February day three years ago. “Prince Player” and I had been super tight and we had been planning to hang out…but we never did. And I had thought, for some crazy stupid reason- that Valentine’s day would be the day he surprises me and we would finally hang out. I was so excited. But Valentine’s day came and went. And on the night of, around midnight, is when I finally got some communication from him. And no it wasn’t a Valentine’s Day wish. It was him telling me he didn’t want to do what we were doing anymore. I had clearly (as always) overestimated his feelings for me and was crushed.
But I grew up that day. And still have a lot of growing up to do in that area! Yet, I never wanted another Valentine’s day like that again. And most of all, I didn’t want any of my friends to have that either.
I didn’t want them to spend all day waiting for a guy and the chocolate they deserve, and then watch it not happen. So every year since then, I hand make Valentine’s for all of them! I buy some thick construction paper and cut out lots of hearts. I write a special note about why I love each of them and how important they are to me. Then I stick some Valentine’s Day chocolate on them and fill a separate bag with chocolate as well. Finally, when the day comes, I go to each of their places to deliver them (or they come to me) and the looks on their faces when they receive these- ARE UNREAL.
Part of my happiness, as many of you have learned over the years, is making other people happy. And this activity- is the best.
I’m trying to celebrate Valentine’s day as early as possible this year because I have my second Microbio exam the next morning :0 Thankfully, my apartment building was having a Valentine’s Day gift making events anyway so I decided to go to the lobby and join them. Of course, I already had my own materials but it was nice to bond with the other residents.
In between, Mr. Photography dude and Sidekick showed up. I smile. They are definitely getting one of my Valentine’s day packages this year ❤
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask.
“He has someone to see here” Mr. Photography dude says motioning to Sidekick.
He looks at me surrounded by hearts. “Making your annual Valentines huh?” Sidekick says smiling.
“Can I eat mine now?” Mr. Photography dude says grabbing his heart and the chocolate attached to it. I smack his hand, “le (no)” I say.
“Are you making one for player?” Sidekick asks throwing me off track.
I give him a look. “No”.
“Aw that’s not nice Shahz. You can’t share?” he asks.
“Fuck no. That’s why we’re in this mess” I say winking.
“Oh my god!!!” Mr. Photography dude says laughing.
Sidekick rolls his eyes at me and tells us he’s going to see his classmate or do whatever shady errand he had to do.
“You have a lot of Valentine’s” Mr. Photography dude says looking at my table full of hearts.
“I want to be someone else’s Valentine” I say sadly gluing chocolate onto a heart.
He’s about to comfort me when some guy at the same table as us comments, “Are you just making paper hearts?” The activity the other residents were working on was canvases…which I had no interest in.
My jaw drops. What. the. hell.
I see my phone light up. “Let it go” Mr. Photography dude has texted.
I look at him, and he shrugs.
“Yup” I say to the boy. “My friends love them”.
“Yea. I’ve never been in a relationship, because I’m not a relationship kind of guy but in high school, I made these hand-made Valentine’s for my friends once and they all just laughed at me” he says laughing hard and painting what it seems like he thinks is the next work of art.
Oh. Well I’m sorry son. That don’t mean you gotta hate on my paper hearts!
I look at my hearts and the beautiful snowstorm going on outside- I just love it.
Soon Sidekick comes back.
“I think you should give player one of these” he says. I think he’s purposely teasing me.
“Go away please” I say drawing another heart.
He and Mr. Photography dude continue making jokes. And then I’m sad. About nothing in particular.
“You know what’s nice about a paper heart? You can rip it. You can burn it. You can tear it into shreds- and it won’t hurt one bit. Cuz it’s just paper” I say.
“Are you trying to make one of those metaphors you are always so good at making?” Sidekick asks.
“Think about it” I say.
“She’s saying she doesn’t want to give Prince Player one of these because he’ll probably just destroy it like he did with her real heart. But at the same time it’s better if he destroys one of these, than her actual heart” Mr. Photography dude says.
I turn to him and burst out laughing, “What the absolute fuck??? Nooooo! I was just commenting! Oh my god!”
“I know I’m just messing with you” he says laughing. Sidekick can barely control himself. “Good one” he says to Mr. Photography dude.
“I say. You make one for him. And when the day comes, eat the chocolate and destroy his paper heart!” he says.
I laugh and smack him. “Stop it! You’re taking this metaphor way too far!”
We all laugh and continue making silly jokes and metaphors about my paper hearts.
Sigh. If only my heart was just that. A paper heart. Then maybe it wouldn’t be hurting so much.
Goal #2 for this Valentines Day- Continue making others happy.