More Than Him (This Valentine’s Day)

Sunday- I’m dying. I hope that it’s a dream. I really do. And then my phone rings and I wake up. Thank god it was a dream. I roll over and grab my phone.

“Hey remember that thing that happened to your phone a while ago? Like it died forever?” it’s Mr. Photography dude.

“What? Yea…Why?” I say still half asleep.

“Well that happned to my phone. I’m using Sidekick’s phone now. Yalla, get up. We’re going to Apple!”

Ugh. I just want to go back to sleep and have happier dreams. “They’re not going to do anything you know? They didn’t with my phone. They’re just going to make you buy a new one” I say rubbing my eyes.

“That’s fine. I need a new phone anyway. Let’s go. Didn’t you say you had to go to the mall anyway?” he asks.

Oh yea. I did. I had some returns and shopping to do. An hour later, the boys go to Apple and I go to Forever 21 and Victoria’s Secret.

“Why are you returning your lingerie? Is it because “Prince Player” won’t see it anymore?” Sidekick asks.

I look at him. Mr. Photography dude starts laughing. “NOO!!!! I just didn’t like the design shut up” I say rolling my eyes. I make a face at them and walk away.

It’s nice to be at Forever 21, I buy a few dresses for my club’s upcoming events. Later, I’m ready to do my returning at Victoria’s Secret when I suddenly see…the Valentine’s Day collection. My “returns” suddenly changed into exchanges. Mr. Photography dude and Sidekick finished quicker than I thought.

“What’s taking so long?” they ask.

“Um…I got distracted by the Valentine’s day collection…” I say.

“Oh my god” Sidekick says. “Look just meet us at the Chicago stop when you’re done and we can get food.”

When I finish paying, I head out and walk to the Chicago stop. Or so I thought. I’m a little lost so I Google map myself to the nearest train station. After walking to where my phone was telling me to walk, I landed at the restaurant where “Heart” wanted to have our first date :0 Which was all the way at the Grand stop (15 minutes from Chicago stop!).

Oh dear. My phone rings. “Where are you???” Sidekick asks.

“Uh. I’m at Rock Bottom” I say.

“Haha very funny. No really, where are you?” he says.

“I’m serious! I’m at Rock Bottom Brewery! The restaurant!” I say.

“Holy shit. She’s at Rock Bottom” I hear him say to Mr. Photography dude.

“You guys use the best metaphors” I hear Mr. Photography dude say. I roll my eyes.

“No, she’s at that restaurant!” Sidekick says.

“What? Are you serious? Oh my god. Let’s just meet her there” I hear Mr. Photography dude say. I laugh. I have hilarious friends.

A few minutes later (because they were smart and took the train) they find me.

“Wallah, you are insane. I know what you did!” Mr. Photography dude says.

I’m confused. “You were just taking a walk down memory lane. Walking through the streets you and “Heart” had your first date, and bam! You landed here!” he says.

I smile to myself. It’s only half true. I only took a “walk down memory lane” when I saw Rock Bottom!

When we begin eating at Rock Bottom, Mr. Photography dude starts talking about the Valentine’s Day event we are co-sponsoring with “Heart” this week 😦 I really, really, really don’t want to go. But Mr. Photography dude reminds me that “Heart” is at every single one of our events and I have never attended a single one of his…. :0 And since “Heart” specifically invited me to this one, and since my organization is partnering, it is my “Vice Presidential duties” to show up no matter how much I used to love “Heart” and it hurts seeing him.

I sigh. When I get home, my friend Mariam even calls me telling her that I need to come to that event and be her “date”. She is giving me no way around it…and she has no idea about the “Heart” situation. She only knows about “Prince Player”, which doesn’t matter because she doesn’t personally know him or even his name (like she personally knows Heart). Plus “Heart” is in our community and we do NOT kiss and tell….

“Mariam. I don’t know if I can. I’m not very tight with some people in that club” I begin.

“Oh my god Shahz? Who? Tell me names!” she says.

“Just…some girls. They’re always flirting with my guy friends in that club making me uncomfortable” I say.

“Oh come on Shahz. None of the boys in that club are hot anyway. Aside from possibly the President, “Heart” who is descent looking I guess”.

Ohhhhh. Now I gotta tell her. “Mariam, I’ve been with him”.

She starts laughing, “Holy shit! What? Tell me now. Give me the details! I can’t believe you never told me”.

I tell her the entire story.

“Wow. You would just…never guess”.

Okay I’m a little taken back. But I’ve got to cover the first point first.

“Okay but you see Mariam. Even you think he’s somewhat hot!” I say.

She starts laughing out loud. “Oh my god Shahz. No. Seriously. I was just thinking he’s alright compared to the other guys. No girl is gonna flirt with Dylan , because I swear to you he is in the closet! And then Joseph, we all think he’s cute, but he is also gay! And then Sami- well he’s just weird. And that just leaves us with “Heart”, who I’m telling you- no offense, I don’t think he’s that attractive”.

08617fb183f163a46cd5acbf99334b87I can’t stop laughing. But again I get serious. “But Mariam, why did you say you wouldn’t be able to guess that we were together?” I ask.

“Because you’re like 10 times better than him! I just can’t believe it. Here you are, the drop-dead gorgeous, smart, humble sweet girl- and you were with… him? He’s not even that good looking and he is SO FULL OF HIMSELF! That’s why I’m stunned Shahz! You’re wayyyy more than him“.

I smile. For once in these past few difficult weeks. I was so blinded by his love, that I didn’t notice anything Mariam was talking about. And I guess I still don’t… And I wonder to myself. Why do I always put these guys, “Heart, “Prince Player” and really everybody else- before myself? And why can’t I see myself in this positive light everyone else sees me in?

Goal #1 for this Valentine’s Day- Realize I’m worth more than I think I am.

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