“And that is why I think you should take over Harris’s role as President. I will talk to Harris and see if he is willing to switch roles and be Vice President- it may be better for him” my jaw drops.
I’m on the phone with Sherry handling the logistics of our club. She discusses how all the members and everyone has noticed how I do all the work and Harris does nothing. I am in shock. It has been a busy week in being Vice President, grad school apps, a teaching conference I was invited to speak at, and school itself. And don’t forget the love drama!
As I hang up and type emails to our partners at the same time- I notice a text. I imagine it is from “Mr. Photography dude”, “Heart”, Harris or one of our partners as I was trying to do a 100 club related things at once.
But it is actually from “Prince Player” :0 My heart races. I stop typing and I ignore Harris’s incoming call.
I read his text. He says he knows we’re at a weird place, but I should listen to this song by Selena Gomez because it reminded him of the things I said and he thought I might like it. I smile to myself. I play it and it is…so beautiful. Harris calls again, but I ignore it again. I close my eyes.
“But I’ll never tell you just how I felt
You might just not care, and it might just not help
What if the feelings just don’t make no sense to you, you
I got so much shit to say
But I can’t help feeling like I’m camouflage“
Those were probably the words “Prince Player” thought resonated with me the most. But it’s not.
I tell player I love it and that my brother came to see me last weekend and was talking about how he loves Selena and it made me sad because it reminded me of him.
And so he said we’ll talk in person this weekend and “sort it all out”.
I sigh. I hope we do.
But I had no time to worry about it as the big teaching organization (that I cannot mention due to privacy issues) invited me to a conference yesterday to talk about my struggles in learning and being an educator of color. I was so excited and nervous for this!
I practiced all week and yesterday was the big day. Many Asian Americans from all over the Midwest came to this conference. Lots of people wanted to meet me. When one came up to me, I thought he was a student presenter and tried to ignore him because I thought he was flirting with me. But I was mistaken :0. Because all of a sudden I hear, “….yea I’m the executive director for the entire Midwest”.
Holy shit. I immediately step up my A game and tell him how passionate I am about education. He says he’s heard a lot about me and is sad he can’t stay around long enough to see my presentation (because you know he’s the Executive Director and all) but he will give me his contact info so I can call him or personally meet him some time :0.
From that moment, I kept an open mind and that was good because a lot of people I spoke to were big people! I must have brought the right brain with me yesterday because I impressed all of them and got all of their contact information! Something that I am too shy to do at conferences!
But that was only the beginning. Soon, I had to be ready to present in front of all these people. As it gets closer and closer, I get extreme ADHD. My legs won’t stop trembling and I think about my 100 page to do list.
I call “Mr. Photography dude”.
“Just try not to think about it too much. Think about something happy! How about ‘Heart’?” he says.
I shudder. “Heart” just sent me a snapchat of the girl he was flirting with at my election win and possibly hooked up with. I also get nervous over how he will react when he finds out that I might take over his best friends position.
“Okay fine maybe not. How about the other one?” he asks.
Is he serious. “What? I thought you guys were gonna sort it all out this weekend!” he says when I ask him that.
Then I get even more nervous. Because we didn’t…
“Oh well screw it. I know what you two mean by ‘sorting it all out’ anyway” he says. I start laughing out loud. He’s so funny.
“At least I made you laugh. Look. Just speak from your heart like you always do. Stop acting like you haven’t done this before! Teaching is your passion- anybody can see it. The way you talk about it, the things your students say about you, it’s obvious. You got this” he says.
I smile. It’s true. When it’s finally my turn to present, my heart stops racing. My mind stops racing. And I indeed speak from my heart. All of my ADHD and anxiety faded away. As I was presenting, I remembered exactly why. Someone once said “Love is the best cure for all mental disorders”. My love is not a person, it is teaching. No wonder why I feel better the moment I begin talking.
When I am done presenting, many have tears in there eyes and others are smiling big. They come up to me and say “thank you for sharing your story”, “you are truly an inspiration” and the higher ups? Oh. They said, “you should consider applying to our organization!”
My favorite part was when two Pakistani girls came up to me and said my parents are awesome for naming me “Princess”. I laugh thinking of the conversation “Prince Player” and I had last week. It’s like I’m getting a sign from God every week.
But I was so proud of myself. I had been up until 4:30 the previous night working on grad school applications. I woke up at 6:00 for the conference and prayed it would be worth it. It was 🙂 When all was done and I got home at 8 after a 13 hour day, I began to study for my Microbio exam.
“I don’t even understand how you have time for ‘Prince Player’ or ‘Heart’ when you have all this shit going on anyways!” Mr. Photography dude says when I update him.
“What? Life ain’t gonna get any less busier ya know!” I say.
He laughs and says that’s true.
Then I remember what “Prince Player” said to me a few weeks ago about him being unsure if I wanted to see him because he thought I may be tired and busy.
“I was tired and busy” I said softly.
“But you made time for me” he said smiling.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
Remember when we’d talk all night
But time ain’t easy on us.