A Much Better Few Days… (Apologies Are in Order)

“Damn, you look like some-”

I give Mr. Photography dude a look. He and my friends are going to take me out for my belated birthday celebration šŸ™‚

“-goddess” he finished.

I laugh. “Good thing you didn’t call me ‘princess'” I say.11048778_637116469757526_6777014453996012715_n

He rolls his eyes, “Forgot about him. Just tonight. As you celebrate your birthday and yours and Heart’s anniversary- forget about him”.

I look at the floor and smile.

Saturday was not starting out to be a good day. I already knew it wasn’t going to be. At least the first part of it anyway, 9 hours with “Prince Player” after our fiasco… I predicted it.

After “Prince Player’s” texts in the last post, I was hurt. I told player that he was right and I’m sorry because…I wanted to keep our friendship. But as I read his text over and over again and as his words played in my mind as I gave my speech…I realized something. I realized he meant everything he said. No one sends an essay of a text without thinking about it.

“I don’t care if he was having a a bad day! You’ve had a series of bad days for the past month and I don’t see you taking your anger out on any men you care about!” Z said as I defended “Prince Player”.

She was right. Except. About one thing. “Heart”. The last time we saw each other…I think I took out my anger on him. Oh no. No wonder why he didn’t see me before leaving for break or over break itself.

So as I went to sleep Wednesday night, and waited for a response from “Prince Player” and never got one- I wondered to myself if I could ever get ‘Heart’ back.

I was in for a real treat the next morning. Right before I even woke up, ‘Heart’ texted saying he wants to come see me! But as friends… I’m disappointed, but I think that is a good idea for now.

A few hours later, he appears at my doorstep. When I open the door- his hazel eyes pierce my heart. How could I ever break this soul’s heart </3 I hug him. We wish each other a happy new year. He smiles at me, and I smile at him. I grab him again.

“Ow. Ow. Ow” he says. I raise my eyebrows, “What?” I ask.

He says he has something important to tell me. I sit next to him. I wonder what it could be.

“I couldn’t talk to you earlier this week…because I was in a car accident. A drunk driver came at me and I swerved into a tree. My chest and neck still hurts from it.”

I feel my world freeze. I think about the snapchat I sent him after “Prince Player” left Sunday. He always responds to my snapchats. I was wondering why he hadn’t responded to that one. My eyes well up.

I can’t believe he’s still here to see me despite his terrible week. He’s just like me, he there for others when he himself is hurting.

“I’m sorry” I say.

He looks at me. “Last time I was here, you broke my heart.”

I remember. When I was just laying down staring at the ceiling and not saying anything to him…that’s something I’m used to doing with “Prince Player”. Never with ‘Heart’, except that time šŸ˜¦

“That’s why I haven’t spoken to you in 2 months, honestly” he says.

I shake my head. “I’m so sorry. I-”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay” he says.

“Habibi. No, it’s not.” Unlike “Prince Player”, I actually owe this one an apology. “My thyroid is down again and it’s making me really depressed and I just. I don’t know. I was acting really strange that day. I’m sorry” I say.

He pulls me into him. “Hey stop. Don’t worry about it. I hope you’re feeling better”.

He has me laying face to face with him.

“It’s a new year. Let’s forget about all the shit that happened before today” he says pushing a hair away from my face.

I smile. Where has he been hiding ā¤ I miss being able to have someone I can say literally anything to.

He places his arms around me and pulls me-


Crap. I need to distract him.

“Hey, guess what?” I ask.

“What” he asks clearly disappointed.

“Our boards are taking me out to (popular Arabic Restaurant in Chicago) for my belated birthday celebration this weekend!”

He laughs, “No way. You gonna belly dance there?”

I get up. “Yea, I have my outfit picked out. Wait here!” I say.

He sighs and I go change.

A few minutes, I walk in. “Heart’s” jaw drops.

I do a hip roll. “Well?” I say smiling.

“Damn. Happy new year baby” he says.

I do a maya hip twist and wink. “Happy new year baby”.

He touches my hip. “You just get prettier with age don’t you?” he asks.

“Shhh! Don’t touch the dancer!” I say.

***”Asthafrullah (God forgive you). That’s your version of a distraction?” Mr. Photography dude asks laughing when I explain to him.

…..hmmm yes it probably wasn’t the best choice. As “Heart” feels like I popped out of one of his fantasies and breaks his “just friends” rule. Oh well.

When I am done…”practicing”, I get really hungry. “Heart” and I talk about quickly going out somewhere to celebrate our birthdays, but we realize he has class soon.

“There’s a pita sandwich in my bag!” he says. I laugh. “What? My mom made it for me” he says. I laugh even more. “Shahz stop! She made it for me because I’ve been having a stressful few days” he says laughing.

“Aw. That’s sweet” I say as I open his backpack and look for it. When I find the ziplock bag with the sandwich, we split it. I take a bite and I am amused.

“Omg there’s pepperjack in here” I say.

“It’s grilled cheese. Do you not like pepper-jack?” he says laughing.

“Are you kidding? Pepperjack is my favorite! I’ve never had a grilled cheese pita sandwich before! This is amazing. How does your yumma make this?!?”

He looks at me like I’m a child, “Shahz, wallah, you literally take a pita pocket and put cheese in there.”

I laugh.

He grabs his things when we’re done eating, “I’ve gotta go- but hey, let’s get a beer sometime.”

I laugh and walk him to the door. I wonder if he knows our 2 year anniversary is in two days. Probably not. He probably doesn’t care either.

“So…what’s going on between us?” I ask him at the door very confused about everything that just happened.

“There isn’t an us Shahz” he says putting his hands in his pockets.

That’s fine, I accept it. “Okay. You’ll just be somebody that I used to know” I say.

He laughs. “Like that song? Yea.”

1382286_743925725743266_4360942121018132707_nSo we laugh and exchange goodbyes. It’s sad really. I didn’t feel the same chemistry with him as I did with “Prince Player” in the past few weeks. Maybe it’s because we loved each other so much at one point, but knew we couldn’t be together and both broke down when we knew. But finally, I feel like my happy self again. I feel ready to see “Prince Player” at the nine-hour meeting that was coming up and ready for my birthday performance šŸ™‚

(TO BE CONTINUED- don’t miss what happens next! šŸ™‚

xoxo. S.


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