Empty

10am Wednesday-

“Are you okay?”

It is the first text I wake up to this morning. From none other than Mr. Photogrpahy dude.

I sigh. It’s nice to have someone that checks up on you every single day.

“Yea. Why?” I ask.

“You published a post called empty last night…”

I rub my eyes. Oh. Last night.

Last night, I awoke for a dream where “Prince Player” was flirting with many girls (more like nightmare). Last night, I got a snapchat of my best friend Sam at a party with “Heart”- who has only spoken to me on his birthday and my birthday, 50 days- he has only spoken to me on 2 out of the 50 days (and we didn’t even wish each other a Merry Christmas) . Last night I was reminded of everything that used to be my world.

Asif (forgiveness)” Sam said.

Asif for what?” I asked laughing.

Asif for reminding you of “Heart” :(” he said.

Oh. Asif.

“I thought you like ‘player’ now! Why are you sad over ‘Heart’?” Mr. Photography dude asks later on during our weekly Skype session with Sidekick.

“I have butterflies in my stomach. Not the good kind. I keep having these dreams, excuse me, NIGHTMARES of him being with someone else! Most of the time a close friend of mine!” I say.

“Oh my god, she has gone mad” Mr. Photography dude says to Sidekick.

“I have not. So many times,my dreams have come true. Especially the ones about him!” I say.

“Okay, well what other dreams have you had lately?”

“Hmmm. Oh my god! I had a dream I got into Yale for grad school!” I say beaming.

He starts laughing. And then so does Sidekick.

“Oh my god what? What’s so funny? You don’t think I can get into Yale???” I say.

“Of course you can! But don’t you think- that dream coming true…has the same chance of “Prince Player” getting with one of your friends coming true?” he asks.

I’ll be damned. How dare he.

“Hey. If I get into Yale, and “Prince Player” does what he did to me freshman year, I’ll be like ‘bye’ and be on my way” I say laughing.

They both laugh. We are all dying from laughter.

“No seriously guys. I’m not gonna get into an Ivy League. Stop making me laugh” I say.

“Look Shaz. You are totally capable of getting into an Ivy League. Or…maybe not. I don’t know. You’ll get in where you’ll do the best. I’m not discouraging you. I’m just saying- not all of your dreams will come true. So stop getting scared by them!” Mr. Photography dude says.

I think to myself. He is right. Damn my anxiety is high these days.

“You should send player a New Year’s kiss” Sidekick says.

My jaw drops. And so does “Mr. Photography dude’s.”

“Forget New Year’s kiss. I want a Valentine’s day one! And then we can both make up for our crappy Valentine’s day break up that happened three years ago” I say winking.

“Ugh. What have you gotten into this girl’s head?” Mr. Photography dude asks Sidekick.

“Fine. Can I send ‘Heart’ a New Year’s Kiss?” I ask.

“I don’t see a problem with that” Mr. Photography dude says.

“Well I do. I like player more. And so does Shaz. You know, it’s really clear you don’t like ‘Heart’ anymore” Sidekick says looking at me.

“You know why? Because I gave him every piece of me. And I can’t get it back” I say.

Mr. Photography dude says I need to chill on the ‘Heart’ thing and that this is the year for me and “Prince Player”. He says if ‘player’ ends up really being a player and breaks my heart again, we can find myself a nice Arab boy like “Heart” that will be nice and loyal to me. Oy ve. Another boy with eyes like the desert that will steal my soul?

Empty.

xoxo. S.

 

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