How my first quarter of my last year ended (in love and other musings)

It was over a week and a half ago, I was moping over the beautiful snow outside. Chicago’s first snow of the year! How was I going to study for finals when there was a gorgeous snowstorm going on??? I keep snoozing my alarm clock that’s reminding me to study for finals and work on my papers. I stare outside all curled up in my blankets and also mope over the fact I have no one to cuddle me in this cold weather.

That was all about to change.

I check my phone when I wake up an hour later. It’s flooded with snapchats and messages from my executive board, my group project classmates, and “Prince Player”. WAIT. PLAYER. Player???

I open his first. “Can we hang out before I leave?” I am now wide awake.

On account of the fact how “Heart’s” treated me this year and all the emotions I was describing and most importantly- my wanting to see player before I leave as well, I said yes.

An hour or so later, I look outside- the storm is worsening. I quickly send player a message asking “How will I see you when it’s so bad outside?” I’m thinking he will just come another day…or never because that’s what he did freshmen year, but he actually surprises me. He says he is studying in the area anyway and will stop by in a few hours. Wow. I am stunned. And happy. So I go back to writing my paper and studying for the GRE (which didn’t go so well by the way).

Player arrives later. He is covered in snow. But looks good.

“How is it out there?” I ask still stunned by his willingness to walk through a snowstorm for me.

“It’s not too bad” he says shrugging.

I look at him and smile. He looks cold. He hugs me for warmth. I hug him back. 

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring you. I wasn’t. It’s just, I wasn’t. You know” he says.

I laugh to myself. No I don’t know. Player’s so funny sometimes. I say it’s fine.

“How was your trip?” he asks.

“It was good” I say. I save him all the drama I shared with “Heart” as I don’t want him to judge me either.

“Yea, I liked all the pictures you were sending me!” he says.

I laugh.

Player plays with my bouncy curls that I forgot to straighten and we talk about our years, our favorite singers, our hometowns, our birthdays, and our finals.

Player asks me if my finals are exams or just papers. It is sadly both. I tell him I’ve only written 1 page out of my 8 page research paper.

“Well there ya go” he says. I smile. It probably didn’t mean anything to him but it meant everything to me on account of I got anxiety trying to balance studying for 5 finals and the GRE (which was right after my finals).

“Well..I guess I’ll go then and let you get back to work” he says.

I frown “No” I say giving him my puppy eyes and grabbing his arm.

“I’m doing this for both of us” he says. Well duh. Obviously player wants to get back to his finals too. But still.

“This won’t be the last time I see you…” he says. I sigh. He is right. So I get up and play with the buttons on his jacket.

“I don’t need a woman doing this for me!” he says buttoning them himself. We laugh.

I stop and stare at him dead in the eye. He looks back at me.

“You’re gonna make me regret leaving you aren’t you?” he asks. I smile and nod.

But he doesn’t buy it. He starts lacing his boots. “How’s the dick? Heart or whatever his name is?”

I look down. Why player why.
“Oh do we not talk about him anymore?” Prince Player asks.

12241181_938326569556259_8821152587593616447_n“I just don’t like him anymore” I say.

“Then why are you with him? Cut him off!” he says.

Player has a point. A great point. But I did cut “Heart” off. Just not completely…I can’t. I can’t cut anyone of completely.

When Player is all dressed up for the cold, we hug goodbye.

“Get home safe” I whisper in his ear. We stay in a long hug and wish each other safe travels back home. He starts to leave and my heart is aching for some reason.

He goes to my door and looks at me as I turn my back and look at him. “Okay. One more” he says coming back to me. Omg he feels the ache too.

I hug him and he hugs me. It is a long, silent, emotional hug. I feel it. He feels what I’m feeling. But he’s not letting go. What is happening. He always lets go first. I’m probably making him uncomfortable.

“We have a problem” I say suddenly.

“Yea. Bye” player says quickly detaching himself from me. Literally. The way a magnet separates from a fridge.

Now player is actually leaving. He looks at me again. I smile at him. My tumblr_mxb2rj6cA51s4lztfo1_500.pngbest “I’m good” smile. He shuts the door. I let out my sigh I’ve been holding. What. was. that. We only hung out for an hour…but it was so…genuine. I hope he never forgets our friendship.

I never text “Heart” asking if he wanted to see me before I left for Texas. It was an okay quarter in love. Player and I clashed a lot, but we had some good moments. “Heart” and I definitely clashed and I don’t know how I will wish my favorite Sagittarius besides myself a “Happy Birthday” and how he will wish me one a few days later when it’s my birthday as my favorite birthday/December was spent with him in Denver 2 years ago.

Sigh. All was fair in love this quarter. But it could be more fair as I experience an even colder and harder quarter in a few months :/ On the bright said, happy December! December is my favorite month and I can’t wait to celebrate this fun month- with or without “Heart”.

xoxo. S.

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