This was a hard week due to my lack of control of my ADHD and Anxiety that unfortunately gets 10x worse during finals week. And of course, “Prince Player” and “Heart” have ignored me and don’t notice the things I have accomplished. Seeing how my anxiety turned into depression, Mr. Photography dude and Sidekick came over. We watched Silver Linings Playbook. It was so beautiful.
At one point, Jennifer Lawrence’s character spits out- “I do this. Time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I’m empty! I have nothing!”
My eyes widen and I glance at Mr. Photography dude and sidekick.
“Holy shit. This girl is exactly like you!” Mr. Photography dude comments.
I smile. And then I cried. And then I laughed. It was such an emotional movie!
“See that’s what you need, a man that’s as crazy as you” Sidekick comments.
I look at both of them, “Heart and Prince Player are crazy!”.
“Habibti, he said someone who is AS crazy AS you. You are way crazier than those two” Mr. Photography dude says.
“Heart used to be my silver lining” I say sadly reflecting on how Bradley Cooper’s character got over his cheating ex when Jennifer Lawrence’s character came along being his silver lining.
“He still is. You just need to find a new one” Sidekick says.
I sigh. My therapist says I need to stop depending on the men in my life for happiness. It’s true I guess.But still.
“I don’t get it. I’m smart. I’m pretty. I’m funny. I’m nice. I have accomplished so much. What the fuck am I not doing right?” I ask them.
“How many times do I have to tell you. It’s them, not you. I have told you how perfect you are since the day we met. And a lot of other people think the same. I talked to some of your students the other day and they were literally fawning over you. Just because two boys don’t want your friendship/love doesn’t mean the rest of the people in the world don’t!”Mr. Photography dude says.
“Except these two boys really don’t want her friendship or love…they want something else” Sidekick says behind me to Mr. Photography dude.
Mr. Photography dude shakes his head at him. I look at Sidekick.
“It’s fine. I already know” I say defeated. There is no use in continuing to cry over the truth.
“Well then it’s not fine then is it?” Mr. Photography dude asks.
I shake my head. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
“And you deserve better” he responds :0