Pressure: And Other Late Night Thoughts As I Fall Asleep Watching My Beautiful View

There is pressure from my professors to prepare presentations and papers on top of finals as the quarter ends.

There is pressure from my dad to focus more on studying for the exam portions of classes although all these components are necessary to pass :0 There is pressure from my mom to study for the GRE every single night at 10:00 in between all my other work. Or is it the other way around?

There is pressure from the men in my life. One wants me not to feel sad or different. The other makes me feel different… Or is it the other way around?

There is pressure from my executive board. I am picking up everyone’s slack….

I feel like I am a rubber band being stretched around.

Ugh. Last night I had a dream. One was that I was running away from blades and shortly after, was a dream about…”Heart”.

As I am leading “Heart” into the elevator to get to what seems like my apartment, my phone rings.

Ugh it’s Mr. Photography dude, “Not now!” I say half asleep. I go back to sleep and see nothing 😦

“Ooooo what happened?” Mr. Photography dude asks when I call him back in the afternoon.

“It was. A really good dream. I was all dressed up and flirty. I knocked on “Heart’s” dorm room door. (This is rather weird because “Heart” never lived in a dorm). I hugged him and wanted to…be intimate with him, but he had a roommate. “Heart” being very chill introduces me and I tell him we should go to my place. And then we get in the elevator. And it goes up and down- never reaching my floor” I say.

“That’s so weird. And before that you had a dream you were running away from someone with blades?!?” he asks.

I sigh. “Yea. Weird shit.”

We decide to look it up. “To dream of a blade means you are making some difficult and important decisions. You need to be able to make clear distinctions between your choices. You are walking on a thin line and need to balance aspects of your life carefully.”

“What important decision are you making?” Mr. Photgraphy dude asks.

“Whether or not to cut ‘Heart’ out of my life” I say laughing.

“No! Don’t even say that” he says.

I roll my eyes and we look up what the elevator thing may mean. “The up and down action of an elevator represents the ups and downs in your life. Alternatively, it may have sexual connotations.”

“Yes, definitely the second part” he says.

I burst out laughing. “Oh my god!!! No!!!” I say.

And finally I look up what running away from an attacker may mean. “To dream you are running away from someone indicates an issue you are trying to avoid. You are not taking responsibility for your actions.”

Damn. “Aha, bingo” Mr. Photography dude says.

“What am I not taking responsibility for?!” I ask, but I’m afraid I already know the answer.

“That you overreacted about the ‘Heart’ thing last week. He has been loyal to you for a very long time and you’re using this one thing against him” he says.

gvNwY7N“I already told you. What he said isn’t nice.  He’s an idiot” I say.

“You know when you call a man ‘idiot’ it means you really love him right?” he asks laughing.

My eyes well up. Yea, I do know. Maybe I’m using what he said to finally get over him…so that I can stop being his pressure 😦

xoxo. S.

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