You Always Look So Sad, And It Worries Me (the past week and a half)

I can picture many readers rolling their eyes at me right now :0 Sorry! It is so unlike me to “disappear” no matter how stressful things get. But after bumping into “Prince Player” in the last post, midterms, my terrible Microbio grade, preparing to go to Boston to represent my club, mingling with “Heart’s” club, battling a cold, my iPhone dying (forever) and my laptop temporarily dying…well, things were tough to say the least.

Anyways, my laptop is fixed and I will be getting a new phone soon so that’s good 🙂 But oh my, I chose the wrong week to take a blogging break because SO much happened while I was away!

“Heart” didn’t show up the day I wrote the last post, but we did talk all throughout the entire weekend. I was happy to talk to him after the horrible way “Prince Player” treated me. I was even happier when he came to see me a few days later! I was lecturing to my students, my throat sore from my cold, when I saw a text appear on my phone (an old temporary phone I’ll be using until my new phone comes!). He was in the area working on a project and wanted to see me!

I am having a great time hanging out with him after I’m done teaching class. He touches my face and says he missed me. I tell him how I am so stressed in balancing my classes and trying to study for the GRE at the same time. He says I need to make time for both. When the basic convo is done, I get into the politics I’ve been meaning to talk to him for a long time. And I didn’t mean to! He started it I swear :0

“I like your club, but I don’t like your advisor. She says my club is too political and our clubs shouldn’t collaborate together” he says randomly.

I look away. “I agree with her. She has a point.” Ooooo big mistake.

“NO SHE DOES NOT HAVE A POINT!-” “Heart” starts.

“Yes she does! My club is more cultural and your club is more political. They don’t mix!” I say.

“Shahz. Everything is politics! Your lipstick is politics, your straightened hair is politics, you belly dancing is politics-” he says.

“Oh so now this is about me belly dancing in public. That’s why you don’t come to any of our events. Because I belly dance” I say smirking.

“Maybe it is. I don’t agree with it” he says.

I lean in close to him, “Oh…but you wouldn’t mind me belly dancing privately for you now would you?”

“Yea that would be way better than you doing it in public” he says seriously. “But really, everything is politics”.

tumblr_ndmcg4YTfc1qe0b0go1_500“How cute. Our first political fight. I guess this is what happens when two lovers run partnering organizations” I say laughing.

“We’re not lovers” he says smiling.

I give him a look.

“You’re graduating soon and we need to start distancing ourselves. I won’t be coming around here much” he says.

“Fine. Don’t” I say. Isn’t this exactly what I told him in his car over a month ago? Back then he didn’t agree and now he does? :0 I wonder to myself.

He shakes his head. “You always look so sad, and it worries me.”

My eyes well up with tears, “I worry you?” I ask.

He nods and pulls me close.

“Sweetie. I have ADHD, anxiety, and I’m trying to graduate” I say in panic.

He tells me I need to find things that relax me and stay calm. Why doesn’t he understand, it’s people like him that relax me and keep me calm 😦

Soon he leaves and I feel happy. I feel whole, I feel complete, I’m smiling again. Even though he said we need to start “distancing ourselves”. But that happiness quickly changed only 48 hours later.


xoxo. S.


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