“Congratulations, you have been approved for 75% in funding!”
Better than no funding at all. I look at Mr. Photography dude and smile. I hug the rest of my board members, it feels like we won a court case or something. And really, it’s the only good thing that happened all day 😦
Today, I taught my class that I TA from 8-1. I was up at 7 after working on homework until 3am last night. And, my students were oh so rowdy today :0 They cussed, they asked inappropriate question, oy ve. After it was finally over, I somehow managed to finish my midterm paper in between that and my next class. And when I went to print out my paper for the class, boy was I in for a surprise.
After I printed my paper, I turn around only to see “Prince Player” walking into the computer lab. Oh my god, I am not in the mood for this. And I show it. I don’t mean to, but as I stuff my purse with my paper I roll my eyes and say “Oh my god” under my breath. “I’ve been really busy” he says. That’s nothing new. I want to leave, but I’m so…upset. I tell him I want to talk to him about last week, but we both have to get to class. We walk together and he agrees to meet me outside the elevators after class.
When I’m done with class, I come down the stairs and am so happy to see he is waiting for me. As we walk home and talk, it doesn’t seem like he gets a word I’m saying.He asks me what I expected…
“I just thought…maybe we could forget everything that happened last week and we can do that night over again?”I say
“Well that’s not gonna happen. Why would you think that?” he says laughing :0 What? I didn’t find that funny 😦
“How’s ‘Heart’?” he asks when I don’t say anything. “Fine” I say biting my tongue.
“You guys together?” he asks. “No” I say.
“Any chance you guys will be?” I sigh, “No” I say again.
And again, he hurts my feelings telling me I need to love myself and something else. I can’t do this. I turn and walk away. For once, he calls me back. I come back and face him. He tells me to be honest with him and tell him what I want, even if it will make his upset.
“I know we can’t be together. But I thought we could continue being together/hanging out until it’s time for us to leave” I say.
He says no. Or something about how we can’t at the moment because he’s tired and wants to sleep. I’m done. So I swallow the gulp in my throat, put on my best smile, hug him, and tell him “Okay, some other time then.”
He’s telling me how great it was that I was honest with him, but by then- I’m already on the next sidewalk wiping my eyes. It was going to be a long walk home. Now I know how boys feel when they leave my place.
Once I get home, I want to sleep too. But I can’t. I have to go fend for my club and get funding! I put on a better dress and get on my way.
“You ready?” Mr. Photography dude asks when I walk in.
I look at him with tears in my eyes.
“Oh no….” he says.
But there’s no time to explain, it’s my turn to present.
(Continued in The Long Walk Home (continued))