Continued from Everything Has Changed Part 2
I swear my posts need their own a spinoff. Right when I think things can’t get crazier, it does! Yesterday morning, I woke up and was sad to see I still did not have a response from player. I didn’t tell any of my friends, not even Mr. Photography dude what happened between us. It was too much and I wanted to talk to only him. But he wouldn’t respond and I had a long day ahead of me so I had no time to worry. I was attending a conference where I met the new professor I will be TAing with this quarter. It was going well but I couldn’t stop thinking about player.
As I’m walking home, I hear my phone buzz. It’s “Heart”. After some small talk about my meeting and how things have been going lately, he tells me to come visit him downtown. Considering player didn’t respond to my thoughtful message, and the fact that I still need to find out if what Harris said is true, I decided to go.
I take the train downtown, my heart beats rapidly as I get off and wait for him. When I see him on the other side of the street, I smile and walk over to him. He pulls me in for a hug and we walk to a restaurant. I can’t believe it…are we…on a date?? He doesn’t protest when I put my hand in his. I’m surprised by how much he is caring for me and showing me off.
After, we’re done, we walk to his car. As soon as we’re inside, he is kissing me. I tell him to stop and push him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Stop. Nothing. I just don’t want to be intimate” I say.
He says okay and tries to hold me. I pull away.
“Shahz. Seriously what is it? I just want to hold you come on” he says.
He puts an arm around me.
I sigh. “I’m too scared to say it” I say looking away from him and trying not to cry. I sigh and squeeze his hand and place it on my stomach which has so many butterflies flying around.
“It’s okay. Just say it. Are you pregnant?” he asks seriously.
My jaw drops “NO!!!!” I say.
“Okay okay you just put my hand on your stomach and I got nervous” he says.
I sigh and I look away. “I heard that you’ve been with lots of other girls besides me.”
“What? That’s not true” he says.
“Who told you that?” he asks.
I remain quiet. “Harris? You know he fucks around and is trying to ruin us right? He told my mom about you and got me into so much trouble” he says.
I look at him and my eyes widen. That is not good.
How could Harris hurt both of us like that?
I get sad and start crying. “I am so sorry. I didn’t even believe him…he showed me a picture saying that’s your ‘other girlfriend’ and everything.”
“No shh it’s okay. How could I do that to you? No one is as sexy as you” he says grabbing me and smiling.
I laugh. I’m relieved at the news…but still. I’m not attracted to him as I once was. And it’s sad.
I tell him. He says I must still somewhat care about him if I cried so much after Harris told me. I’m not sure really.
Whatever it is, I tell him I don’t want to be intimate with him for a while. And that we can hang out on a “friends” level. He respects that decision and we go on a drive around the city.
As soon as he turns the car on, the song that was playing when we danced together the night we met turned on. And he starts singing and I start dancing. It was fun. We screamed, we laughed, and he dropped me off at my place.
“I can’t believe that all happened in the last 72 hours.” Mr. Photography dude is reacting to what I partially told him about my sad night with “Prince Player” and about everything that happened with “Heart” two days later.
“These kind of things only happen to you! You have a terrible night with player, and then two days later, you’re in Heart’s car dancing to Cest La Vie!” he says.
I shake my head. “You don’t get it. If things would have gone right with player, I would have NEVER jumped in that car” I say.
“That’s true. I’m proud of you for not rejecting ‘Heart’s’ offer to take you on a date this time. Like that first time he asked you out and you said no because player had dumped you or something the day before. And you said no to him because your heart was with player.”
I look at him. “It still is.”
He sighs. “No it’s not. Give him space. And you take some too”.
“Yea. I want to be practice being alone for a while.”
He nearly spits out his latte, “that’s a first from you.”
I shrug. Us three. Me, player, and “Heart”. We’re all growing. We’re all going in different directions. We’re all changing. It’s like player said the other night in response to why he changed his mind about me so quickly, “It’s life”.
C’est La Vie (translation: “such is life”)
May Senior Year bring me peace and closure.