It Matters to Me (Our Friendiversary)

Yesterday morning, I was sad but excited to leave Texas. This was it, Senior Year!

After waiting nearly three weeks for “Prince Player” to talk to me, he messages earlier in the week asking if I needed his help with moving stuff in when I get back. It was sweet, but…so…random. Why hadn’t he talked to me in so long? And why is this the first thing he’s saying to me? Rather than, “I miss you” or “Can’t wait to see you when you get back!” Did he change his mind about wanting to be with me? I ask. He says no and he that he is still free the night I get back.

I smile. Phew what a big relief.

So yesterday, was really sad. It was my first move in without my family. A few of my students came to help me with my stuff and after about 4 hours, my room was all set up and ready. Oddly, “Prince Player” hadn’t messaged me all day. We were still on right? I decide I’ll make the first move- after all, we’ve been discussing this day for the past two months.

He says that he actually won’t be able to make it.

I say “Oh ok :(”

To which his only response is, “Sorry…”

What did I do? Why was he cancelling on something we spent weeks dreaming about? I was confused.

I wonder if he was just busy and if he would be able to make it later.

He says yes but at the moment, “something came up” and he could hang out but he would need to leave soon and that’s fine if I’m “okay with that”.

Wtf. Finally, I do something I don’t usually do. I get all vulnerable. I tell him it’s okay, that I miss him, and that I just wanted to see him.

He never responds.

A tear drop rolls down my cheek.

Three years.

Three years is how long I have known him. And he doesn’t even know. And nothing has changed between us.

As I’m laying in my bed, looking at my new beautiful view, with a tear rolling down my face from missing him and my family- I hear my apartment phone ring.

My roommate tells me that someone has come to see me. The only person I was expecting was player, could it be? A THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY MIRACLE? No…he doesn’t even know which apartment I live in.

I grab the phone and ask the security who it is. I’ll be damned. It’s Mr. Photography dude and his sidekick 🙂 Not the people I’m expecting but better to have them than no one!

I wait by the elevators.

“Come here you” Mr. Photgraphy dude says when he sees me. “He’s a jerk.”

I pull away from his hug, “How’d you know?”

“You haven’t returned any of your calls or texts…” he says. “Why didn’t he come???”

I hug Mr. Sidekick and look at Mr. Photography dude. “He had a change of heart. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Hey that’s not true” Mr. Photography dude says as we walk into my apartment.

“What really happened?” he asks.

“I don’t know. He said something came up.”

“Alright! So chill! Something serious must have come up!” he says.

I stop pouring them a drink and give them both a look. “In the past when he said that, it’s been about some other girl”.

They look at each other. “How was move in?” Mr. Sidekick asks chancing the subject.

They were originally the ones going to help me but they had a photo shoot out of town all weekend.

“Fine. Obviously my rushing to get all my shit in didn’t matter because player didn’t come see me” I say.

“You should have just accepted his offer to help! Then you two would have definitely gotten to hang out!” Mr. Photography dude says.

“Nope. Something would have came up” I say. “Oh look and I have bruises”.

I pull down my bra strap. All the stuff I carried left giant red marks on my shoulders.

“Did you send him a picture?” Mr. Photography dude asks laughing.

I look to the side. “I sent “Heart” one.”

They raise their eyebrows. “What did he say?” Mr. Sidekick wants to know.

“I hope they feel better” I say sadly.

“Why does that make you so sad” Mr. Photography dude asks grabbing me as I try to walk away.

I don’t say anything.

“It’s because she wishes Heart or player were there to soothe those bruises” Mr. Sidekick says.

I’ll be damned. This guy is smart. I nod.

We talk some more and when Mr. Sidekick goes to use the restroom, Mr. Photography dude touches my shoulder.

He touches my bruises. “Do they hurt?”

“Only on the inside” I say.

Mr. Photography dude laughs. And I laugh. “I’m really sorry about player skipping your guy’s anniversary/friendiversary whatever it is that you are calling it” he says.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t mean anything” I say shrugging my shoulders.

“It’s okay you know….” he says after a minute of silence.

I look up, “What is?”

“For it to mean something to you. You guys have been together for three years! He made you laugh, cry, and smile. You guys had your highs and lows. Your best and worst. Why wouldn’t it mean something to you?”

“Cuz Prince Player could give less than two shits about it” I say.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have to” he says.

I continue looking at the floor.

“Did you guys reschedule” he asks.

“No…that’s why I asked him if he wants to meet later. I think he thought I meant later tonight, and that’s when he said ‘yes but I can’t stay long, unless that’s okay with you’. Shit. I meant later like…tomorrow. Or Monday. Or before Senior year really starts” I say.

“So why don’t you tell him that? Say ‘I meant later as in a different day’ he asks.

“Because it doesn’t matter to him.”

“But it matters to you….”

Yes. Yes it does.

xoxo. S.

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