I Think I Deserve Better…

Tomorrow marks the start of my last official week of Junior year. I’m procrastinating on studying for my two hardest finals because I’m too sad thinking about the way “Heart” treated me at my election.

I’m starting to think I deserve better. I read my diary from Freshman year, and I cried my eyes out. Because I realized a very sad truth. “Heart” is treating me the way “Prince Player” used to treat me 😦

“I’m sorry, did “Heart” hook up with your guys’a mutual friend?” Mr. Photography dude asks as we study.

I give him a look.

“Okay, okay asif (sorry!)” he says. I just shrug. For all I know, he may have.

“I think I get what your saying. He only contacts you when he needs something. Most of the time something physical…And that’s what player did” he says.

I nodyes!!!. It’s true. The last time “Heart” broke up with me and said, “I don’t feel the same way I used to feel about you. I want more than physical pleasure” I was shocked. What the heck was he talking about? I felt the same way…and I was definitely getting more than that type of pleasure from him!

But recently, after my big election win, I realized- that’s not true. And I’m starting to feel the same exact way as he does. Even though later he said he didn’t really mean any of it. I am starting to feel that way.

Really, I definitely don’t feel the same way about him as I used to feel. Before, when people ask me what I like about him- I was able to give a long answer. Now, I can’t find even one word to describe what I like about him.

Because. All he does is use me.

After everything I accomplished my Junior year- I made the Dean’s list, I was a model in a Fashion show, I was an actress in a big play, I got into the Master’s program, I got a big internship at a big university….he treats me like I’m nothing special.

And I deserve better.

xoxo. S.


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