He Can’t Be Serious…

I always thought “Heart” and I had that Jordin Sparks, Jason Derulo relationship. Of course, they broke up. And “Heart” has broken up with me several times.

I like you.

Someone logged in and said that, not me! So sorry to bother!

That was the message I received from him on Sunday. The day after my big event and me seeing “Prince Player”. I was doing well on Sunday, seeing “Prhot n coldince Player” on Saturday made me really happy. Even if player wasn’t happy, I was happy. Even though he still didn’t want to be anything beyond friends, I was happy.

And then this message from “Heart” on Facebook. What on earth…I thought to myself. I message him back saying “lol no worries”. I don’t think anything of it. I’m still pissed off at him for the way he dumped me like trash two weeks ago.

Monday arrives and midterms pile on up. My anxiety comes back and I have crazy dreams of a man chasing me with a knife! As if that’s not enough, I go back to sleep and have a dream of “Prince Player” with another girl. In the dream, I go confront them and I try to attack the girl- but she attacks me back and she ends up winning. Oy ve.

My heart is pounding. I shake the thoughts out of my head. I log onto Facebook. I see a notification informing me a message. I wonder who it could be from.

I’ll be damned. It’s from “Heart”.

I apologize!

What does he want from me? I already told him it was okay! I respond…

I said no worries lol

He responds saying he’s still sorry. He asks me how midterms are going. He says he is working on some stuff for his Sophomore Seminar class. I took that exact class last year. I even TA’d with the professor. He asks if he can look at one of my homework assignments. This is what I say.

Fuck you. You can’t take my heart and my homework too!

Power to me ❤ He responds by saying “ouch” and that he didn’t mean to hurt me. He asks if he can come see me and talk. Uh oh. I want to know what he could possibly have to say after the way he treated me, so I agree. He gives me back his number (the one he had me delete) and tells me he will be over in 5.

5 minutes later, he’s standing in my apartment. I cross my arms and lift up my chin.

“So” I say.

He pulls out a chair and sits. He fold his hands. “So.”

I snap. “Who the hell are you to text me at 1am saying ‘IT’S TIME’. Who breaks up with someone like that?!?”

He fidgets. “Okay look. I never meant to hurt you. It’s just, I had a really long day that night-”

“Yup, here we go again” I roll my eyes.

“Look. From the beginning I said you can’t have feelings for me. And you got feelings. So I had to go!” he says.

I stand up and look him in the eye, “It’s un-human like to not have feelings. Don’t tell me how to act!”

His jaw is on the floor. He’s probably thinking the same exact thing I’m thinking- Where did this new badass Shahz come from? 😉

Then I demand to know why he keeps treating me like a child. “How dare you text me saying ‘you’re not young! take this as a life lesson.’ ?”

“The way you act sometimes is very childish-”

What did he just say to me? I wail and turn my back to him.

He pulls me back. “Hey Shahz. Stop. No. That’s not what I meant! But we’re grown, you have to understand we can’t have feelings for each other.”

He tries to pull me into his chest, but I push him away. I ask him why he’s back. He says he thought he didn’t have feelings for me, but times like this, where he’s with me- all those feelings he once had comes back. He even said he messaged me about the homework just so he could come see me.

What. He thinks I act like a child? No, it’s definitely him.

How does he think it is okay to dump me like trash, and then come back acting like it never happened?

He can’t be serious…

xoxo. S.

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