What a week. If there has been a week that I have cried the most over something besides boys or school, this was it. What a very heartwarming production I just finished- I was in the cast of “A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant, and A Prayer” as I told some of you. A show that hits way to close for me. And the stories about me that only “Heart” and my family knew. It was a very tense week.
This week, I worked over 20 hours for my assistant coordinator job. Not a lot, but hard when you are a student and in a play. I was on my way to the office on Wednesday when I bumped into “Prince Player”. I took a deep breath. I could ignore him or go talk to him. I took the latter.
“Oh look who it is!” I say.
He smiles. He says he sensed I was coming over and he was leaving. And then he said he was kidding.
“You look cute today” he says smiling.
I try not to smile. But I can’t help it.
Our interaction is rather awkward because I’m in a rush to grab my food and get to work. I need to go but I remember that I wanted to talk to him about that thing I wanted to talk to him about. I look at my watch, we have 10 minutes. So I go grab my food and sit with him. We stare at each other.
“You look cute today” he says (yes again). “You always look cute but you look extra cute today”.
Oh god. He probably says this to every girl. I need to change the subject.
“THE EMPANADAS MADE ME SICK!” I say.
Oh. My. God. Shahz. Out of all the things I could say :0
He takes it well. In fact he agrees with me. “Yea that can happen sometimes, thank you for coming to that by the way.”
He tells me these past three weeks have been rough on him. He’s a little teary eyed. I’m teary eyed with him. It’s been hard for me too. I tell him. He asks me why it has been so hard. And then I tell him a part of it.
“He dumped me” I said. He laughs and says something about “Heart” and me always being on and off. But I tell him this time I think it is for good as “Heart” has deleted my number. I try not to cry.
“It’s okay not to be okay…” he says after I don’t respond.
I’m silent. Every time he asks me this, I don’t know what to say. If I open my mouth, I will cry. So I continue to stare at him. And then…I talk to him.
“Last night. I read my old diary which had lots of stories about you. Because. If I could get over that…I could get over this.” I say laughing.
He laughs too and gets serious. “Yea, I hurt you more than I hurt any other girl.”
I stop smiling. He what now? PRINCE PLAYER IS ACTUALLY ADMITTING WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!! AHHHH <3<3<3
I stop laughing too. I swallow and look at him. “I think you were in my life for a reason” I say.
I don’t expect him to respond but he does. “I think you were meant to be in my life for a reason too! You showed me that I am an asshole to women!” he says.
I smile. That isn’t necessarily what I want to be remembered for, but hell, if that made him a better man- I will take it!
Time is running out and i know I have to tell him what I have been meaning to tell him. He could say no, but, it won’t hurt to ask.
So I tell him that I want to start being with him again.He says okay!!! ❤
But that I can’t get any feelings. Oh god. I can’t say that I will, but why can’t I?
“Why can’t I?” I ask him.
“Because you’re not ready” he says.
What the…I give him a puzzled look.
“Okay, because I’m not ready!” he says.
Oh goodness…I give him another look.
“Okay I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I really have to go now” he says. Ah the usual confused player. Confusing me even more. But I need to get to work and I don’t have time to put the pieces together.
Of course. I see him the next day…and then on the next day. And of course, I was working both times. On Thursday, I was hoping to speak to him and finish our chat- but my boss announces “Shahz needs to go work with the second year students”. FABULOUS (me and player are third year). I gather my former students together and tell “Prince Player” bye very annoyed.
Friday, I see him while working and I know I won’t get a chance to talk to him. I have piles of things to do and although he stopped by, all I could do was greet him.
I get home after 5 hours of sleep the night before and standing for 9 hours straight. I realize I have another hurdle coming my way this weekend- the play!
To be continued…. 🙂