Hormones, first kisses, flirts…and a break up :/

“What’s your problem?” Mr. Photography dude wants to know.

I feel like a whale.

“Cramps” I say.

“Ew!” he says. “Call me when you’re off the rag and we’ll have a proper coffee session” he says grabbing his latte.

I shrug. Don’t care.

It’s been a very awful week thanks to hormones. This past weekend, “Heart” was invited to yet another conference to speak and be the main photographer. Once again, he attracted the attention of many ladies because of this and they have been flirting with him and taking him away from me all week. My body aches even more as I type this so I’m just going to stop.

So, how about the other one? We have not conversed since…empanadas. I didn’t even think about him until my roommates asked me if I wanted pizza as they were ordering pizza.

Me feeling all crampy gave in. They randomly started talking about their first kisses. I kept quiet because hello, I do not kiss and tell. But then, the one with the boyfriend leans forward and wants to know- “So what was your first kiss like?”

I put my pizza down and look at the floor. I shrug and fake it “Good”.

No it wasn’t good. It was really unwanted and I wasn’t ready for it. God, I try to forget about it.

And then, they just refuse to quit.

“What was Prince Player like?” the other roommate wants to know.

What nerve. I think to myself. I go all the way back to freshman year. We were both sweating at that moment…and I was very hormonal. I had liked him for a while, but I wasn’t sure he liked me as much. Something seemed off about him. I had experience with players and I could not trust him. I remember telling him that I was nervous (damn it I should have listened to me gut!) We talked for a while and I finally gave in. I wanted him to kiss me!Β  I do remember liking it. I had no regrets. But it was soon that I found out I was right to feel nervous…and he left me for other girls 😦

Flash forward back to me eating pizza with my roommates. Crap. I owe them an answer.

“He was good” I say emotionless.

This conversation is way to sad for me. But then I skip to when I met “Heart” and we had our first date.

At one moment, I stared at him and he stared at me. We didn’t say a word. With all of the other people I kissed, we talked beforehand. But as I was staring at “Heart”, there was something just so right about him that I knew I was safe. He came over to me. “Hi” he said hugging me. “Hi” I whispered into his lips.Β  And then he kissed me. IT WAS PERFECT! I swear to god I saw stars and hearts in my mind. I wanted him to kiss me forever! THIS WAS WHAT ALL THOSE LOVE SONGS TALKED ABOUT! My childhood song “This Kiss” by Faith Hill was playing over and over again as I melted into him.

He was worth all the heartache I went through with everyone else. All the pain, suffering, everything. He was perfect.

I spent all week thinking about this conversation. And then, last night, I was just thinking to myself “Damn we haven’t talked in a while.” And just asΒ  I turn my lights out at 1am, I get a text from him!

Him: “Remember when I told you where there would be a time when we have to end things for good?”

Me: “Yea…”

Him: “Well it’s time. I’m sorry.”

What the absolute heck 😦 After all these amazing flashbacks and all the nice things I have been thinking about him…That’s not what I hoped for! Who does he think he is to tell me “it’s time”?! Right when I think it’s his usual break-up with me, he sends this:

“Do me a favor and please delete my number. And throw away that picture of us. Do it for me. That’s all I ask for.”

Ouch. Triple ouch. I would rather get my legs waxed ouch.

tumblr_mbmz177orj1rhzkeeo1_500_largeI try in my last attempts to fight for him. Does he listen? No. He says he never had feelings for me and I never thought about him. WHAT THE HECK? ALL I EVER DO IS THINK ABOUT HIM!

He says this is for the best. I don’t get it. How do I go on with my life now? 😦

xoxo. S.

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4 thoughts on “Hormones, first kisses, flirts…and a break up :/

  1. The thing about this guy that makes him worse is that he seems to think he’s being considerate, while being a pompous jerk. This is really unfortunate, and a horrible way to end things with someone. I’m sorry this happened to you 😦

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