Weekend Reflections: Worrying

worrying2I am sitting on a bench outside my apartment, I can’t breathe and I decided I want some air. Yesterday, I had yet another crying episode. My dance partner did indeed add “Heart” on Facebook and post a video of him. I cannot stand the idea of this girl that I absolutely do not like interacting with the man I love. Not only that, she has convinced my friends who run our club that we are performing for to give her a solo with “Heart’s” band playing in the background in the future! Why oh why do my own friends keep getting turned against me? And how in her right mind does she think it is okay to interact with my boyfriend after I told her how I feel about him…I cannot believe I am supposed to perform again with her next week.

I try to get support from my best friend Sam about all of the woman “Heart” was close to Thursday night. And even he can’t give it to me, “If you don’t like that Shahz, you better end your relationship with him. He is a popular guy and girls will flirt”. My jaw is on the floor.

“FOR GOODNESS SAKE! Explain to me how I was on top of him one second and an hour later, he is flirting with all these girls!” I say so upset. Sam just shrugs.

I should not have expected more…so that is why I am sitting on a bench with tears in my eyes.

Now is when I would text “Heart”, but he’s the one that made me cry…so I don’t. And then I think about “Prince Player”. But I can’t, it’s Good Friday and he is probably doing something. As much as I despise “Prince Player”, I can’t help but notice there is less drama with him. There is occasional drama that other people cause…but if we were in a crowded room like “Heart” and I was, I bet he would come talk to me and not every other girl that’s in the room. Or would he? I wonder to myself what would happen if were friends. If we were friends, I could text him as I would text “Heart” saying I need him. Maybe we would get coffee, maybe we would do homework like we used to, maybe we would play video games. It sounded nice. But. Complicated.

This morning, I again woke up with tears in my eyes. i put on my sunglasses and head to Starbucks. Mr. Photography dude is there and looks up.

I take of my sunglasses.

“Oh god. Not this again” he says. I explain the whole story to him.

He gets red, “What is this girls deal?” he says in frustration. I like that he’s on my side. He thinks for a while and adds “I don’t like what she did, but I think you worry too much. She probably adds everyone she meets on Facebook and is trying to interact with him so she could share details with you. She already has a boyfriend right?”

“They broke up” I say.

“But she loves him still right?” he asks.

“Yea…” I say.

“Okay they will be back together then. And don’t worry with Heart dancing with all those other girls. That’s common in our culture! He thinks about you and dreams of you at the end of the day.”

I’m still bummed… but I know that I need to stop worrying. I have an event every single day in April, and I cannot worry.

xoxo. S.


2 thoughts on “Weekend Reflections: Worrying

  1. Look forward to what is ahead of you, I know it is hard and jealousy is a cruel trick, I hate whenever my fiancé talks to an ex or adds them on Facebook, or even when we are out he always knows girls not men.
    Just put trust in him, if he is friends with her on facebook and meets her in public then you are good hun as he is surrounded by too many people.
    Just stay calm and think of all the lovely events you have coming up.

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