That Time I Found A Lump

Last year on this day, I was going back to school after my annual Valentine’s Day getaway. I was sad because it was the time “Heart” and I had broken up, and a little happy because “Prince Player” had texted me the night before asking how I was doing.

***Note: This is a very hilarious, romantic, but…mature post. Please proceed to read with caution.

That morning, I found that lump in my underarm (that’s not the one I’m gonna talk about though). Remember, the doctor thought it was stress? Right okay. Well a month or so later, right before spring break- I found another one!

I was doing my usual morning routine of changing into a different bra and walking around like a Victoria’s Secret Model when I felt the underwire hurting me. When I felt around, I felt something that felt like A PEANUT MnM!!!! I gasped and started pacing around my room. I had to tell my mother right away. I decided I would be calm about it.

I picked up the phone and dialed her number. “MAMA I FOUND A LUMP IN MY BOOB!” I cried. Wow so much for being calm.

“Habibti (my dear). What? Please calm down. Tell the doctor you saw at school!”

“Mama! She’s gonna say it’s stress!”

“It’s okay. Whatever it is you should find out….We can always get a second opinion.”

I hang up the phone and call the doctor’s office at my school. “Uh hi. Last month I found a lump. Today I found another one in my…breast.” Well thank goodness I’m mature enough to say “breast” now. The receptionist told me to come in the next morning.

I was freaking out all night and went out with my two guy friends Jim and David that night.

“You guys if I lose my tits boys won’t like me anymore!!!!!!” I cried.

Jim and David burst out laughing.

“What the hell guys this isn’t funny!” I laugh and cry at the same time.

“Yes it is” David says in between laughs. “You know everybody loves you for reasons besides…that”.

“Um no. This is what differentiates me from all the girls Prince Player and Heart have been with! If I start to feel jealous, I can be like ‘Oh, at least I have a nicer rack than her!'”

This makes Jim and David laugh even more.

And then they get serious. Jim says, “Look. As men and your best guy friends, we can tell you that you are more than that. You have a big heart and you always make people smile. That’s all that matters.” I smiled and prayed that nothing was wrong.

The next morning I saw Dr. Wilson. She placed a very cold hand on my boob and said again that it’s stress. After she left, the nurse quietly told me to go get a second opinion because she thought it was abnormal.

I told my mom and she made an appointment to see my usual doctor during spring break.

So there I was in my doctor’s office in Colorado. I explained to my doctor what has been going on and she immediately ordered a blood test for me.

24 hours later, the day before I left to go back to school, I got a call from her. “Your thyroid levels are low. We will put you on medication quickly to balance it.”

Dear god. It wasn’t as serious as I prayed it wouldn’t be but still. First I told my mom, she simply nodded. And then, we were having dinner with my dad. “Say it” my mom said. I look at him, “The reason why I found two lumps is because my thyroid isn’t working well.”

My dad shook his head. “Please don’t go back to school. Take a leave of absence and stay with us.”

I want to but I can’t. “Dad! People at school make fun of me for not being independent already! What would I tell them?”

His eyes grow big, “You tell them ‘Hey I have ADHD and now hypothyroidism! And my family will be supportive and take care of me unlike you guys!”

I started crying, “Dad. People go through worse things than this and still go to school. Please. This is my first quarter that I’m actually going to take courses I like! I can’t leave now!”

He tells me to go to my room. I listen and hear my parents debating in the kitchen. I cry quietly to myself and my dad calls me to the kitchen.

He kisses me on my forehead, “Don’t cry. Go to school. But promise us you will do well and that you will take care of yourself. Please. Go to all your doctor’s appointments, make sure to pick up your prescriptions, and call us every day.”

I almost don’t want to leave him….”I will Daddy” I say.

The next morning I was leaving for school early morning. My dad kissed me goodbye and whispered, “Everything will be alright”. My mom dropped me off at the airport and said “be brave”. I practically sobbed during the whole plane ride.

After my first class, I got a call from my doctor saying that she has written my prescription to Walgreens and I should go pick it up ASAP. Well, where the fuck is Walgreens I thought? I asked just about all my friends and no one told me.

Finally, I was at dinner that night with my friend Gabby.

“Gabby do you know where Walgreens is?” I asked.

“Oh my god. Yes. It’s like a 15 minute walk from here!”

“Fuck” I say.

“What’s wrong Shaz?” she asks.

“I found a lump in my boob and it’s because my thyroid levels are low and I need to pick up a prescription” I spit out all at once.

Gabby takes my hand in hers, “Oh my god. You poor thing. Let’s go! I’ll go with you!”

That night it was 14 degrees outside. Gabby walked outside with me for about 40 minutes that night. There were tears coming out of our eyes because of the harsh wind and we stopped in multiple buildings along the way to get warmth. Yet, she still did it. I couldn’t believe it. I hugged her when we got to our dorm, “Well hell. I don’t want you to die Shaz!” she says.

boobsI smiled. Two weeks after that, “Heart” came back into my life. This was after the break up where he texted me telling me to forget him and to date his best friend.

He was sitting in my chair. He embraced me immediately and kissed me all over saying “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I told him that he was really mean for telling me that “not coming back to school because some guy dumped you is stupid” (he did say that to me when he broke up with me). He said that he just wanted me to be happy and didn’t want me to ruin my life over him.

I told him that I legitimately was sick though.

“I know. Homesick” he said.

I shake my head and laugh, “Yea I wish it was just that” I whisper to myself.

“Wait what?” he asks. Oh no. Why did I do that? I don’t want to worry him! His mother is already sick enough!

I decide to distract him and start placing my hands on him, “I didn’t say anything” I said.

He grabs my wrists and looks me deep in the eyes, “Are we going to be honest with each other?” Wow, sex didn’t distract him. I like.

I sit back down on his lap. “I found a lump” I said.

His face falls, “What? Where?”

I look into his eyes. I take his hand and place it under my shirt, “here” I say.

He is speechless. I swallow, “It’s my thyroid. It’s not working well enough and levels are low.”

“Dammit. First my mom, and now you?” he shakes his head.

I place my hands around his face, “It’s okay. It’s temporary. I’m on treatment and everything should be in balance soon.”

We talk some more and his arms are around my waist.

“Wait. Babe. I’m not on the pill anymore” I say. I had to stop taking it because I was not allowed to take it while on the prescription for my thyroid.

He looks shocked “Okay so?”

I swallow, “We have to be careful.”

He kisses my cheek, “We always have been…we have never-”

I place my finger on his lips, “I know, I know. But we keep falling deeper in love with each other and-”

He takes my hand in his, “Shh. I know what you’re saying. Don’t worry. We won’t do anything.”

I smiled, at least things were going well with him. We continued seeing each other after that. There was another break up in between that but we got back together. As for the lumps, they went away quickly. The thyroid levels were still low but they became balanced later. And when I came back from Summer vacation, “Heart” was the first person that I told the good news to- my thyroid is working perfectly again!

xoxo. S.

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