This Valentine’s Day

Once I had a teacher who would always go on a getaway for Halloween. For me, my time to take a getaway is Valentine’s Day! I’m in the airport, on my way to Denver.

Things have been okay in the love world. I think. Every time I say it’s okay, something awful happens and then it’s not!

“Heart” came over earlier this week. I wasn’t expecting it at all, of course I was praying for it. Ever since our last break up, I have been so miserable. And of course, my discontinuation of my ADHD meds have made everything worse. So on Monday, I was preparing for a research study when I get a text from him: “Hi 🙂 I hope you’re doing okay.” I took my opportunity right away and responded: “Habibi (my darling) 😦 I have been so miserable.” He responded immediately asking what’s wrong. I told him about the new job, my rejections to all the internships I have applied to so far, my ADHD relapse, the drop in my grades, and the lack of him in my life. He told me he hasn’t been so well either. So we agreed to meet up. A few hours later, he was at my place. He looked exhausted, but hell so was I. I buried my face in his neck and he kissed my ear. I felt safe.

For thegossip girl first time in two months, I was genuinely happy. I couldn’t stop laughing when I was with him. He is my world.

Of course, my world came tumbling down as he gave me the “Don’t get your hopes up” speech. I should have know that was coming. So I kissed him goodbye, because hell- who knows if he’s coming back….

Even though he left it open ended, I was somewhat happy. But then a lot of stuff happened this week. For one, there has been so much happening in the news- affecting mine and “Heart’s” community. And then I saw “Prince Player” Thursday. I felt sick to my stomach all day because my doctor had made me temporarily resume my medication. Still, I went over to him and tried to tell him how upset I was for him not being there for me as I was experiencing my ADHD relapse symptoms- but…he just wasn’t having it. He said “A lot has been going on” and walked away. I can’t do this anymore. I try to be nice, I forgave him with all my heart, and still- this crap all over again. I give up!

So this Valentine’s Day. Well damn, I chose the wrong weekend for a getaway. My best friend is starring in a play on Valentine’s Day and also Mr. Photography dude had gotten us VIP tickets to a concert 😦 Why didn’t I know about these things before I booked my tickets?

So what will I be doing instead? Hmmm well every year my family has a Valentine’s Day bash at our house, so yes that will be going on at our new place tonight. I could care less what “Prince Player” decides to do. And, I pray to God “Heart” is thinking of me… Happy Valentine’s Day! Eat lots of chocolate!

xoxo. S.

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