New Year, New- Oh I’m Still the Same!

Last year around this time- I was so happy. Maybe you remember Last Day of 2013 Musings…. I was head over heels ready to go on my first date with “Heart” the moment I got back to school. Now, I’m packing for school, single as far as I’m concerned, could be happier- and hoping 2015 will be better than 2014. Don’t get me wrong, 2014 has probably been the best year yet! But these last few months haven’t been going so great and I’m hoping for….a change.

The best parts of 2014…

1.) “Heart”- I’m not going to say much because all of you know by the amount of things I have wrote about him that he has really changed me life. After a horrible year called “2013”, he came into my life and lifted me up ❤ I don’t know how I will ever thank God for bringing him into my life.

2.) My grades- I got straight A’s for the first time in 10 years!!!!

3.) “Prince Player”- I got our friendship back. Well for the first half of 2014 at least, he checked up on me a lot and was there for me when I needed him. Right now, I don’t know what’s going on. (More about that later).

4.) Maturity- In 2012/2013 when I was a freshman, a lot of people would make fun of how “not independent” I am. That all changed when my family moved. I learned to take care of myself as my thyroid became ill last winter and I was put on new treatment for my ADHD. And look at me…I’m still strong and healthy ❤

5.) I got to go to VEGAS!- Enough said 🙂

6.) Mentoring students- I love all the students I was privileged to mentor, all 50 of them. I’m amused that 4/5 of them still keep in touch with me and ask for support. And mostly, it amuses me how much their lives have been changed because of me ❤

What should I work on this year?

1.) In ADHD- I hope I can continue kicking ADHD’s behind and getting good grades. I took a class over break and got a B ruining my straight A streak 😦

2.) In school- Same thing as above. Plus, on the weekends I would like to stop going out so much and start studying for the GRE or MCAT (hey a girl can dream big can’t she?) I hope I can be brave enough to tell the people that always ask me “Got any plans besides homework this weekend?” to shut up.

3.) In love- Hmmmm tough one.

“Heart”- I hope this will be the year that we can make a mutual decision about our relationship. Because I love him. And he loves me. But we can’t be together.

“Prince Player”- I hope to God that this will be the year where I can get 100% over him. I’m at 99 right now. I love another man for heaven’s sake- what is the 1% I fancy about this dude? I enjoy his friendship but I know he won’t change 😦 He’s growing up, I’m growing up, and…I don’t know lately he’s been acting like the old him. It makes me sick. I’m tired of the competition.

Someone new? I really hope that if “Heart” leaves me- God will find me someone new.

4.) Be okay if family decides to move again- In long term and short term. I heard a crazy rumor that my dad is going to get another job soon either in the South or West…what. I’m old enough to know that big opportunities means going to big places. So if it’s true, I hope I’ll be okay. In terms of a short term move, the lease for my temporary house is up and we will be moving to another suburb soon. By the time I come back to visit, we will be in a new home. And I hope everything will be okay.

5.) Within myself (the most important one!)- I hope I can stop comparing myself to others. Whether it’s comparing myself to “Heart” or “Prince Player”, comparing myself to all the other women “Prince Player” chooses to be with (I don’t really care about the one’s Heart’s with because I know he loves me at the end of the day <3), comparing myself to other models, or just to the person sitting next to me in class…. I really hope I can stop my madness and be happy with…me. I’m slowly growing and improving this resolution every single day. I know I’m beautiful, smart, and kind. And I’m happy with myself ❤

And with that reader, I thank you for supporting me (yet again!) this year. I attach this song from Tarzan (isn’t baby Tarzan so adorable? ❤ ) that kind of helps demonstrate the last point of this post. Happy new year 🙂

xoxo. Shaz.

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